Unspeakable/North Seattle/Fri July 7/1 pm: This is the saddest death report I've ever read. It's so sad, in fact, that I cannot share it with you. I'm sorry to let you down like this again, but there are no words to express the depth of suffering and sorrow behind this incident, which took place at a cemetery. Yes, it was a suicide; yes, it involved a shotgun; yes, there was a morbid note explaining why the victim shot himself at his brother's grave. But I don't want to say more than this. I want to move beyond the image of a dead body next to a tombstone, which defies deeper understanding. Forgive me readers, and let's move on to the next report.

The Evil Lily Pads/Haller Lake/Fri July 21/8:45 pm: Today, a 42-year-old man of muscular build drowned in Haller Lake. The man, who is known as "G," was happily swimming to shore when he became entangled in a small patch of lily pads near the west side of the lake. "G" tried to get away from the lily pads, but they wouldn't let him go; indeed, every time he moved and struggled with the water flowers, he sunk farther and farther. Soon, to the horror of witnesses along the lake's shore, all that was left of "G" were bubbles on the surface of the water.

A Meeting with the Dead/Pike Place Market/Sat July 22/12:59 am: Officer Garner was dispatched to an apartment complex in Pike Place Market to deal with the dead. Upon arrival, he was greeted by a paramedic, who said the dead man was upstairs and that an officer was needed to provide an official account--a police report. Officer Garner was then escorted to the dead man's room, where, after talking with the security guard who found the body, he began reconstructing the events that led to the man's death. "[The dead man]," he said, as he stared at the void, "[is] laying on the floor with his head toward the front door. He [is] wearing only his underwear. The TV [is] on, along with two box fans, and a ceiling fan." After carefully examining the body and the scene, Officer Garner concluded that "no foul play was involved." Now that the dead man had a police report, he could rest in peace.

The Skipping CD/University District/Sat July 22/Time Unclear: Some time today, Officer Gordon was dispatched to a house on 50th Ave NW to investigate a possible suicide. When he arrived at the front door of the home in question, he rang the doorbell, but nobody responded. A moment later, he heard music from inside the home, which he realized was a skipping CD. Taking cues from early Hollywood films where the dead man (gun in one hand, empty whiskey bottle in the other, wife in the arms of his best friend) sits next to a phonograph whose stylus has reached the crackling end of a melancholy jazz number, he became concerned, and entered the house through a window. The residence was empty! There was no dead man. Unlike the phonograph, the CD player does not comply with our favorite narratives.

Dead Wood/Central District/Sun July 23/10:35 am: Today, Officer Garza was sent to Yesler Terrace to investigate a "hazard situation" caused by a very large tree. When he arrived at the scene of the incident, he talked with the victim, who explained that she was walking behind her apartment building when a branch from the tree fell on her. After calling an aid unit to treat her wounds, Officer Garza walked to the backyard and confronted the bully tree. He walked around it, inspected it, and found that its insides were rotten and hollow. There was no life or leaves on this tree, just death and decay. If the tree is not chopped down soon, the officer concluded, it will continue to disturb and harm the living.