Give Us Some Skin/Ballard/Mon Sept 11/ 1:00 am: A man wearing sunglasses and black coat and pants walked into Ballard Hospital and proceeded to write "666" on the countertop in the main lobby. He then offered to donate all of his skin to the burn victims in the hospital. When the doctors declined this offer, he began talking about a ghost named "Ra," who he said was "the ghostest with the mostest." The man explained that Ra "crawled into my mouth while I was sleeping on an electric fence 1,000 years ago." He then stated that he felt "as smooooooth as peanut butter and sweeeeet like jelly." When security patted him down for a concealed weapon, he warned that he had "a candy bar that's a pistol made by Cool Hand Luke!" Though the report calls the suspect "mental" and the cops dragged him off to Harborview Medical Center for a "mental evaluation," Police Beat is certain that he is a comic genius. Indeed, very few sane or insane people are as funny as this man who wears sunglasses at night.

Something's Going to Happen/Rainier Valley/Tues Sept 19/3:20 pm: A woman who called herself Mrs. West walked into a store on Rainier Avenue and requested an exchange for a pair of shoes that she had decided, after several weeks of ownership, were uncomfortable and made her feet look ugly. The cashier asked Mrs. West for a receipt. Mrs. West said she didn't have one. Following store policy, the cashier refused to exchange the shoes. Mrs. West became angry, threw the shoes at the cashier, and screamed, "You watch, tonight something is going to happen! I work at Boeing! I make $17 an hour!" Without explaining what all of this meant, she stormed out of the store, got in a white '91 Oldsmobile, and sped off.

Sheer Evil/Downtown/Thurs Sept 21/ 5:10 pm: A blind downtown musician was playing her nice music in the Pike Place Market when she heard a man superciliously applauding her performance. She recognized the clapping--it was coming from her stalker. The musician stopped playing her guitar and asked the stalker what time it was, just to make sure it was him. When he responded in that evil voice of his, she was certain. She immediately left Pike Place Market and boarded a city bus. All the while, she could feel the man following her, mocking her, waiting for an opportunity to harm her.

The police, who had set up a surveillance team to track the stalker, watched the blind woman and the man from a distance. They watched them board the bus and later disembark from it on 24th Ave NW. "The victim got off the bus," the surveillance team reports, "and we observed the suspect watch[ing] the victim as she made her way across 24th Ave NW, then southbound on the west sidewalk. The suspect started to walk about 25 to 30 feet in front of the victim. He repeatedly looked back at the victim over his shoulder. He adjusted the distance between them by stopping and letting her close the gap to 25 to 30 feet before he continued walking the route to the victim's home.... We [finally] contacted the [crazy fucker] and took [him] into custody. At the North Precinct, the suspect provided a written statement concerning the incident. The suspect was then booked into King County Jail."

Thrown Into My Eyes/Downtown/Fri Sept 22/5:18 pm: A man was sitting at a boat ramp when another man, known simply as Scott, approached him from behind and asked to talk. The man turned around to talk to Scott, and Scott threw a cup of bleach into his eyes. Later, when Officer Wade investigated the incident, the victim, who was temporarily blinded by the bleach, stated he had no idea why Scott had done this terrible thing. Luckily, Officer Wade was able to find and arrest evil Scott--who, as it turned out, had a criminal record.