Unfinished Business/Green Lake/Sat May 19/1:30 am: Officer Gingrey reports: "The complainant reported that she was packing to move when she heard a chainsaw start up outside on the street. She looked out the window and saw a female she only knows as [Annie] holding the chainsaw. Standing next to [Annie] was an unknown person wearing a baseball cap. The complainant couldn't tell if this unknown person was male or female. The complainant heard [Annie] yelling her name over the roaring sound of the chainsaw. 'Come out,' yelled [Annie]. 'We need to finish some business.' The complainant immediately called 911. We arrived four minutes of her calling us, but [Annie] and the unknown person had left, walking southbound on Mary Ave NW. The complainant reported that she knows [Annie] from having a past boyfriend in common who is now in jail, and that's what she thinks the problem is. The complainant doesn't know where [Annie] lives or what kind of car she drives. The complainant is moving to Florida within a week and is going to try to have no further contact with [chainsaw Annie]." (Note: Annie is not the suspect's real name.)

Planet of the Apes/Pioneer Square/Sun May 20/1:58 am: Officer Sideris: "We saw a male walking up to us. He seemed very intoxicated. He approached one of the patrol cars and went to the driver side. He then grabbed a spotlight and was moving it around. I yelled at him to move away from the patrol car. He left and was walking in the middle of the street. We told him to get out of the street. He eventually complied. He walked to the Last Supper Club and began yelling at the people in front of the club. He was looking to start a fight.

"Radio broadcasted a gun call at First and Yesler. I locked my car and went to that location on foot. About a minute later the situation was under control. I started walking back to Occidental and Washington St. I saw the male on top of my patrol car, jumping up and down. He then stepped down and gave high fives to his friends. He had not noticed me. Identified myself. He ignored me and tried to walk away. I grabbed his arm and [cuffed him]. He was very agitated. My patrol car had a few scratches on the hood." Few situations in life can more fully bring out the ape in man than "jumping up and down" on the top of a car. How easy it is to picture the suspect in this report: We can see him beating the hood of the car with his thick knuckles, and then beating his chest as he hoots at the moon. To see a man going ape shit on the top of a police car (the symbol of urban order) is to see something like the end of the world, the very end of civilization. recommended

charles@thestranger.com