Will this solve all of Seattles problems? No.
Will this solve all of Seattle's problems? No. PeopleImages/ Getty Images

'Planter Removal Coming Soon' reads sign near bike lane: The following blurb has been approved for all audiences. A sign popped up near the protected bike lane on Second Ave. It stated that because of too many people sitting on the planters they have to go.

People seem pretty upset by this. As someone who has always been terrified of biking around Seattle, it’s difficult for me to understand why they would remove a safety barrier to a bike lane, rather than placing benches for the obvious demand of people’s butts. There is, also, some amount of agreement that this stretch of street is a particularly scary one to bike down.

Seattle Mayor Durkan invites round table of tech companies to solve homelessness: Daniel Beekman from The Seattle Times reports that Durkan hosted her first Innovation Advisory Council on Thursday—a wonderfully paradoxical council of people she believes both have no idea how to solve Seattle’s homelessness issue, and yet at the same time, are the perfect people to solve Seattle’s homelessness issue. In Durkan’s own words, “‘To be clear, there’s no app that’s going to fix anything, but at the same time, if we’re not using that as part of the solution … then I think we’re really missing a great opportunity.’”

Washington State Patrol nabs 1,671 HOV violators during 'HOV emphasis week': A crime without victims? Perhaps, but doesn’t this news just put a smile on your face? Just deserts taste so sweet.

The tech 'guru' who doesn’t understand the simplest concept of life: Silicon Valley entrepreneur Serge Faguet is on a mission of delusion—he wants to live forever—and on his mission to do so, he has spent $250,000 on “biological enhancements,” such as injections, pills, a hearing aid (despite perfect hearing), and a ring that measures his sleep patterns. He says, “ultimately, the real value is being able to upgrade yourself and become something much better and smarter, and live for millions of years and explore other planets.” He claims the upgrades have helped him become more intelligent, thinner, and most importantly, made him better at “picking up girls." Ah, the key to immortality. This man walks to the beat of his own confused drum, but who knows, maybe he will get the last, lonely laugh.

Former rap mogul pleads guilty to Manslaughter: An argument on the set of Straight Outta Compton culminated in Suge Knight, a prolific music producer and co-founder of Death Row Records, allegedly running over two men with his vehicle, killing one of them. If it seems like Deja Vu, it is because Suge was accused of the crime in 2015. He is scheduled to be sentenced on Oct. 4. According to CNN, prosecutors are eyeing a 28 year sentence.

Tomorrow is National Public Lands Day: That means all National Parks and National Forests are fee-free, or have entrance fees waived. Go explore our bountiful nature!

Put down the booze: The World Health Organization reports that 5 percent of all deaths are related to alcohol. Even more insane, the report states that for people in their 20s, that number is 13.5 percent. There are signs that alcohol consumption is dropping in Europe and the Americas, which hopefully means the numbers of death from booze will drop as well. Just don’t go tell the the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife that booze are causing so many deaths, or they may just go start shooting bottles of liquor. You know, 'cause of that whole wolf thing.

Wow, wow, wow. This man is so depraved: People are pretty upset because their president made this statement in defense of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and the sexual assault allegations against him.

President Trump, what is wrong with you?

Speaking of Republican depravity: We can’t make this up people—Roy Moore, Former Alabama Senate candidate has endorsed Supreme Court nominee Brett Brett Kavanaugh. You may remember Roy Moore from the allegations he himself faced during his campaign. There is no room left for satire in this sad, sad world.

Gouda Fan Art: I have received a beautiful piece of art to share with you all. It was made by my wife’s co-worker’s partner, Ayla. It is a print on top of a sticker and it is absolutely amazing. The nose! Look at the nose! This is actually brilliant Ayla, thank you.


If you are an artist (have hands and a pencil?) and love Gouda, feel free to send any fan art to mbell@thestranger.com.

This weekend's best Seattle entertainment options include: The Local Sightings Film Festival, the Hugo House Grand Reopening Celebration, and an opportunity to get cultured for free on Museum Day.