You said what about these frying pans?
You said what about these frying pans? JohnnyGreig/Getty Images

Seattle millennials don’t suck? We’re even more special than millennials in other parts of the country, it seems! As Gene Balk, the Seattle Times FYI Guy reports, 1 in 3 millennials nationwide live at home with their parents. But in Seattle? Only 1 in 10! Oh, and it looks like one reason for why that’s the case may be that all the young people here are fucking transplants. That’s OK, we love our transplants, not that we ever had a choice.

University of Washington may implement online sexual assault reporting system: In attempting to address the fact that so many sexual assault victims/survivors do not report their assault, the UW will be starting an online system next fall for reporting such crimes. As the Seattle Times explains, “Of survivors who indicated they didn’t tell anyone about the assault, nearly half said it was because they were afraid they’d be forced to make an official report.” The company that makes the online reporting system says that it aims for victims to feel more of a sense of control in reporting their assault, to provide resource information to victims, and to hopefully identify repeat offenders.

Stop teasing us: Is it going to snow or not? We want radars not voodoo.

A handwritten note from the Russian immigrant who attempted to hang himself while detained at the Northwest Detention Center: ICYMI, earlier this month a Russian detainee in ICE custody, named Mergensana Amar, attempted suicide and later died at St. Joseph Medical Center in Tacoma. On Nov. 3rd, reports the Seattle Times, Amar’s lawyer, a volunteer for Northwest Detention Center Resistance asked Amar to write down what he was trying to communicate with her. The note allegedly raises the possibility that Amar had been “thrown naked into a cold cell,” which as the article says, would violate federal standards that state, “Under no circumstances shall detainees be held without clothing.”

How to survive a tsunami: Washington has created a guide for towns on the coast to survive a tsunami. KING5 states that "Washington officials believe 8,000 people would die as a result of an earthquake-driven tsunami after a magnitude 9 quake hits off the coast." Sounds like the solution to saving lives in areas where there is no high ground to get to in time, is vertical evacuation structures. We haven't seen the guide yet, but it sure sounds like a fun read.

Say what? You could be texting in your sleep and not know it.

PFOA and PFOS cause small penises: If you weren’t already freaked out at the toxic shit in non-stick pans, you now have a new reason to be. That is, if you have a penis or testicles. A study released earlier this month shows that exposure to high levels of PFOA and PFOS, toxic chemicals found in nonstick pans, waterproof products, and firefighting foam, cause “shorter penises, lower sperm counts, lower sperm mobility, and a reduction in 'anogenital distance,' a measure that scientists see as a marker of reproductive health.” This holiday season, go get the penis-wielding-people in your life some real cookware. Don’t do it for them, do it for their penis.

Beers for California: According to Barry Chan, the Head Brewmaster at Lucky Envelope in Ballard, over 1,000 brewers around the country have organized to brew up some special barrels dubbed Resilience IPA (a recipe and idea from Sierra Nevada brewing). KOMO News reports that all of the proceeds from this special brew will go to “help victims of the Camp Wildfire in Northern California.” Lucky Envelope isn’t the only Seattle brewery taking part. The full list of participating breweries can be found here.

US, Mexico, and Canada sign NAFTA replacement: The replacement to NAFTA does not have the same ring to it though. It’s called the USMCA, the United States-Mexico-Canada Agreement—though each country's acronym puts their country first. The leaders of all three countries signed the pact on Friday at the G20 summit in Buenos Aires, Argentina. The deal however, still needs to be ratified domestically, which could be problematic if the House Democrats are not happy with it. Trump doesn’t seem worried though, saying, “It’s been so well-reviewed, I don’t expect to have very much of a problem.”

Hockey pucks vs guns: The headline of this article is literally, “University passes out hockey pucks as possible defense against active shooters.” Nope, it’s not in the Onion, it’s an article on ABC News. The university’s police chief, who is leading training sessions, “cited his experience getting hit with hockey pucks while serving as a youth hockey coach as proof that they could be used to hurt.” Welp, can’t argue with that.

You're only cheating yourself: Although, their knees will probably thank them.

Gold Star Comment:
Escapee from S. Idaho: I know that in years past, The Stranger did actual real journalism, but those days are over. Don't expect the Morning Slog person to actually care about the numbers, silly goose!

This weekend's best Seattle entertainment options include: Sara Porkalob's new play Dragon Mama, A John Waters Christmas, and holiday events like Enchant Christmas and the Urban Craft Uprising.