Hello, thank you for not being homeless, how may I help you today?
"Hello, thank you for not being homeless, how may I help you today?" jacoblund/Getty Images

King County is launching a street-medicine program: It's a way to combat the growing opioid crisis in the county. The medication-assisted treatment will go to homeless shelters and encampments and bring solutions to the most vulnerable populations. While homeless people make up only a fraction of King County's population, they accounted for 16 percent of opioid-related deaths in 2018, according to Sydney Brownstone at the Seattle Times. The program takes inspiration by one run in San Francisco.

Ballard Commons Park sweeps homeless, adds concierge service: The homeless camping in the park were removed this weekend. Now that their belongings have been trashed and they've been sent to find elsewhere to live, Seattle is launching a new program to make families feel comfortable. That includes a FULL-TIME concierge service from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. designed to answer any questions and fix any problems. It will also provide sidewalk games and lawn chairs.

Retiring FBI agent gets a special visit: From the kidnapped baby he found in a Lakewood, Pierce County trash can 22 years ago. The baby is now a man—actually not just a man, he's a marine!—and the FBI agent is now retiring. The baby/marine was contacted by the FBI agent's colleague and surprised him at a retirement party. It was a beautiful moment, according to reports.

Simone Biles keeps getting better: The 22-year-old gymnastics world champion isn't just the best in the world at her sport, she's so good she's changing the fucking landscape. Biles won her sixth national championship this weekend. She threw in a never-landed-before trick into her floor routine. The triple-double. Watch this shit. Biles didn't need to land this trick to win. She landed it because she wanted to land it.

Wait. Did you see it? Let's make extra sure.

There are about three fires burning around Inland Northwest: KING5 compiled a list of them so we can all stay up-to-date. The worst one seems to be the fire that's been burning since Aug. 2 in and around the Colville Reservation. It was caused by a lightning strike and has gobbled up over 44,000 acres so far. As of Sunday night, the fire was only 45 percent contained.

Smoke is the new normal for the West: Ah, climate change, you constant thorn in our side. Maybe we'll do something about you one of these days. For now, the West will be scooping up face masks and air purifiers to cope with what is now an annual Wild Fire Smoke Season. A real band-aid solution. The good news is because the demand for air purifiers has been so high the once-specialty item is now way cheaper. Breathing in your home? It's not just for the rich!

Compline is for the ladies now! For the first time, the Compline service at St. Mark's Episocopal Church on Sunday was performed by an all-female choir.

A normal day: It will be warm and dry.

Alright, fine, we'll talk about Jeffrey Epstein: The financier charged with human trafficking was found dead in his Lower Manhattan federal jail cell. The cause of death was suicide, according to reports. But, if you're anything like my Lyft driver from the other night, you're not convinced this was 100 percent bonafide suicide. Because how could the most high profile inmate—who was on suicide watch as recently as July 29—kill himself. I don't have any answers. Nor do I know what I believe. The jail is blaming a breach in the protocol that involved checking on Epstein every 30 minutes as a result of short-staffing problems. An autopsy has been performed but is pending confirmation on the cause of death. Epstein's camp sent celebrity pathologist Michael Baden to do his own autopsy.

Hong Kong airport shuts down 200 flights: Thousands of pro-democracy protestors occupied the Hong Kong airport on Monday. It forced the cancellation of hundreds of flights. The protests have been on-going for two months. Altercations between police and protesters are getting more violent. The demonstrations are having a tangibly negative effect on Hong Kong's economy and damaging its reputation as an international business hub.

This guy who finds lost things might be close to figuring out what happened to Amelia Earhart: Robert Ballard is the guy that found the Titanic in 1985. He also found other sunken ships. His white whale, however, has been Amelia Earhart's plane. The aviator disappeared in 1937 on a flight. Ballard thinks he's close to finding the spot where she may have crash landed. It's an atoll in the Pacific island nation of Kiribati.

An update: President Trump has made 12,019 false or misleading claims over 928 days

Canadian gamer saves a life: She was playing Pokemon Go on her phone. A man near her was overdosing. She stepped in to help and administered a Narcan kit, an overdose antidote. Now, she's urging all Pokemon Go players to carry Narcan with them. That's because, as she told CBC, ''Pokemon Go gamers and drug users often frequent the same spots." Gamers need to rise up and fight the drug crisis.

I have an itty bitty fever right now: It's nothing drastic. Just annoying. Being sick in the summer is all sorts of wrong. But, my skin is on fire right now and whenever the breeze from my open window kisses my skin, I feel at peace. It's kind of how I feel watching this video:

New Zealanders voluntarily surrender their guns: In less than a month, the New Zealand government has bought back more than 10,000 of freshly-banned semi-automatic weapons. The ban took place after a man murdered 51 people in two Christchurch mosques.

Gonna leave you with this: There is so much news to cover but this is already getting absurdely long! Just go about your day! Remember this cool video, though:

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A screening of Last Year at Marienbad at the Beacon, an author talk with Salt & Straw co-founder Tyler Malek, and post-punks Guache.