The Ultimate Police Chase, Georgetown, Wed Aug 1,
noon: Thanks to a tip from an attentive neighbor, this police
report came to my attention. It was written by SPD Officer Darin
Chinn.
“Officer Marie Gochnour was on patrol northbound on the 16th Avenue
South (South Park) Bridge, when she noticed that there were doughnuts
scattered all over the roadway. At this time, a man came running out
into the street and flagged Officer Gochnour down. The man reported
that he was delivering pastries to Boeing when someone stole his
delivery truck that he had left parked and running.
“Officer Gochnour broadcast a description of the stolen truck and
turned around and followed the trail of doughnuts southbound on 14th
Avenue South. The doughnut trail ended near the entrance to SR 599.
Officer Christine Nichols located the stolen truck as it was traveling
northbound in the 9600 block of Delridge Way Southwest and attempted to
stop it. The suspect was driving recklessly and refused to pull over. A
stop strip was deployed and flattened the two front tires, but the
suspect drove on the rims.
“The suspect made it up to the High Point neighborhood and became
trapped in a closed construction area, where officers took him into
custody. Approximately 95 percent of the truck’s load was lost during
the incident.
“Officers advised the suspect of his Miranda rights. The suspect
said that he had been drinking and doing drugs all night and needed a
way to get home. He was unable to get a cab. So when he noticed the
running truck, he decided this was his way to get home.
“This suspect was booked into the King County Jail for auto theft,
felony eluding police, plus a department of corrections felony warrant
for escape.”
Very few things in this world (and probably other worlds) are
funnier than the fact of police officers chasing a doughnut truck. Let
us hope the truck had on its sides big and enticing images of
doughnuts. Picture a clueless driver pulling to the side of the road at
the sound of sirens, and then seeing—whizzing by—a truck
covered with doughnut images, the truck spilling doughnuts, and
then—in rapid succession—police cars in hot pursuit.
The Emptiness, South Seattle, Sun Aug 5,
11:30 pm: This report by Officer Berntson, which concerns the theft
of a Seattle Parks Department truck, has one of the greatest openings
in the entire history of police reports: “There was no physical
evidence to collect. The crime scene is a parking lot. The only
evidence is an empty parking spot.” 
