Stunning in its sheer brutality
Capitol Hill
Fri Jan 5, 2:26 am: While walking on East Denny, a citizen by the name of
Golden came across a man wearing nothing but a knee-length grey overcoat, exposing
his groin area. Feeling it was his duty to have this flasher removed from the
public eye, Mr. Golden called the police. They soon arrived on the scene, and
after a brief search, they apprehended and identified the flasher and transported
him to headquarters. As police were processing the suspect, the office exploded
into activity: a Central District woman had been stabbed and beaten with a sledgehammer
by her husband of 29 years. Amid the intensity of this unfolding homicide (whose
sheer brutality stunned even the most inured homicide detectives), the flasher
was released with a warning. The flasher remained intoxicated throughout his late-night
odyssey.
He began to moan in pleasure
University District
Sun Feb 7, 4:57 pm: A 21-year-old woman was suddenly “felt up” by a brazen
man in a giant pea coat. It all happened at sunset in a darkening alley. The young
woman was walking home from Safeway, on the 4700 blk of Brooklyn Ave, when she
heard someone running up behind her. She turned to see a skinny man rapidly approaching.
He wore small wire-rimmed glasses and a navy blue pea coat, which she thought
looked too big for him: “It was like it was hanging on him,” she said. This man
in the oversized pea coat grabbed her from behind, and immediately began to moan
in pleasure. Stunned and offended, the woman dropped her groceries, broke free
of his desperate grasp, and smacked him soundly on the face. The blow stopped
the man cold; and as she faced him, she tried to get a better look at him through
the half-light, for she thought he might be a friend of hers pulling some kind
of sick prank. When she was satisfied that he wasn’t an acquaintance, she tore
the glasses off his face and threw them to the ground. She watched in silence
as the pathetic pervert reached down, picked up his glasses, and scampered into
the shadows like some hunchback from a horror film.
She posed with a pink vibrator
Renton
Mon Feb 8, 10:55 pm: A distressed 29-year-old man reported
that his ex-lover (a 27-year-old woman with a Wild West pistol tattooed on one
breast and a blood-red rose on the other) has been mailing him pornographic photos
of herself. He reported that he broke up with this woman a month ago, and she
has been sending him Polaroids of her nude body ever since. He gets about three
of these kinky letters a week, each envelope containing three to five pictures
of her in suggestive poses. In some photos she is lying on a futon; in others,
she stands by an open window or sits on the kitchen table by the refrigerator.
In a recent set of pictures, she posed on the porch with a pink “finger and thumb”
vibrator on a rare sunny day. This set of pictures proved to be the last straw:
the man asked the law to help him put an end to this horny harassment. (The man
didn’t know whether she was taking the photos by herself or with the assistance
of a friend.)
‘Hey, that’s not cool’
University District
Tues Feb 9, 5:09 pm: A woman leaving work at NE 45th St and University
Way was “freaked out” when she looked out on the second-floor fire escape to see
a smoking man with his pants down around his ankles. She looked up at him; he
looked down at her like some actor on a stage, and said, “Oh, sorry.” Unimpressed
with this apology, she called the police. When police arrived, they went into
the office building, climbed up to the second floor, and found their man–he was
now sitting down, and smoking another cigarette, his pants still around his ankles.
The stranger on the fire escape had a six-pack of beer (two beers were open) and
various pornographic magazines (he taped a favorite picture to the wall beside
him). The police also noticed that the man had used a red marker to draw two pentagrams
on the insides of his thighs. The police placed the half-naked man under arrest.
When they asked him what he was doing, he replied that he had been masturbating.
They then asked him why he had picked the fire escape to do this, and he said
he had no other place to masturbate. When they finally asked whether he was concerned
that he might alarm the public with his behavior, he confidently said that if
someone had approached him and said, “Hey, that’s not cool,” he would have collected
his things and left.
Please wait on the bench
Ballard
Fri Feb 12, 1:20 pm: A Ballard man walked into the Denny’s restaurant at
NW Market St and 15th Ave for lunch. The restaurant was busy; there were no free
seats, and he was asked to wait on a bench. But the man was not destined to eat
lunch that day–while waiting on the bench, he suddenly slumped over and died.
Medics later determined that his death was due to natural causes.
