Greetings [FILL IN CITY NAME], we come in peace. Credit: DREW ANGERER/GETTY IMAGES
Greetings [FILL IN CITY NAME], we come in peace.
Greetings [FILL IN CITY NAME], we come in peace. DREW ANGERER/GETTY IMAGES

Amazon looks to avoid Seattle mistakes with HQ2: Amazon HQ2 scouts are asking the 20 prospective cities questions that revolve around issues many think the company has contributed to in Seattle. How will the HQ2 city handle increased traffic? How will it fund affordable housing? The company is scapegoated for a lot of things in Seattle. The blanket issue Seattle has with Amazon is that the company caused too much change too fast. Amazon doesn’t want to tread those same waters in a new city.

Suspected-hate crime victim’s relative holds GoFundMe money hostage: In January, DaShawn Horn was attacked by a man with a bat in Auburn. The attacker yelled racial slurs and allegedly beat Horn from behind for spending the night with his sister. Horn has been in the hospital ever since. A GoFundMe created in his name by a relative has received $122,105. That money hasn’t made it to Horn. Horn’s mother has called the police and contacted GoFundMe.

Administrative support not keeping up with homelessness budget: The Humans Services Department oversees the homelessness problem, but it acts “more like a grant administrator than a direct service provider,” Crosscut reports. Contract specialists make sure the service providers who receive the grants are up to snuff and are staying within budget. But, recent budget increases have swamped specialists who are handing twice the amount of contracts than normal. Work is going to get harder as the city plans a complete overhaul of its homelessness services.

May Day is upon us: The police are hoping the protest that is a celebration of labor, a show of support for immigrants rights and free speech will be peaceful like last year. Don’t tell me you forgot about the peace joint already! But, last year’s puff-puff-pass of a protest isn’t par for course; police are worried there will be violence. It’s a toss up. The only thing we can depend on is that there will be a demonstration. Anarchists want decentralized actions, the Seattle Times reports, instead of one big group they are calling for smaller groups gathering at city-wide institutions. That will make things harder for police.

Bezos’ Blue Origin blast off: The New Shepard suborbital spaceship took its highest-ever round trip to space yesterday, GeekWire reports. This is the most recent test by Blue Origin as it builds its space program. The flight was unmanned but manned missions are expected to start at the end of this year or early next year. Eventually, paying customers will fill the seats. Currently, however, only the trusty and aptly named, Mannequin Skywalker sits in the craft, collecting data and enjoying the view.

Some people call Jeff the Space Cowboy: To prepare for his rocket launch, Jeff channeled his favorite movie, Cowboys vs. Aliens. Really, he’s just super into the new season of Westworld. (Which, I’d love to talk about with you, Jeff). Whatever it is, this picture proves Jeff Bezos is in the running for being the real gangster of love.

New Nordic museum is just about done: They’re putting the finishing touches on the 21-month construction project that has been 20 years in the making. The museum celebrates Nordic culture from countries like Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway, Sweden and is located in Ballard, what many people dubbed the Nordic capital of the U.S. That’s because of Ballard’s maritime history; it “was built on the Nordic-heavy timber and fishing industries,” according to the Seattle Times. Or, Seattle is just really fucking white. The architecture of the new building is something to behold and the exhibits span 12,000 years of history. They leave out any mention of Ikea.

Here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods: That’s Al Roker’s catchphrase. One time my mom got into some Twitter beef with Al Roker. She told him he was wrong about the weather. It was a whole thing.

What does this guy have to prove? Did he even live?

Speaking of death by drowning: This guy tried to drown himself but was saved. Now he’s suing the police and lifeguard who saved him. This is like the whole inciting incident in the first Incredibles movie, you know, when Mr. Incredible saves a man jumping off a building who didn’t want to be saved. There’s a whole other side plot with Bomb Voyage robbing a bank and causing mass destruction and Buddy, Mr. Incredible’s biggest fan getting in the way, but that’s hardly relevant here.

Journalists killed in Afghanistan: A series of attacks in Kabul killed 30 people on Monday. Suicide bombings killed eight journalists. A suicide bomber was disguised as a TV cameraman “and detonated a second bomb at the site of an earlier explosion,” CNN reports. Journalists were covering the first explosion when the second bomb went off. A ninth, the BBC’s Ahmad Shah, was killed when he was shot by an unknown gunmen in Khost province.

Will American journalists be as outraged about this as they are about Michelle Wolf? Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard about the White House Correspondents’ Dinner by now. The mainstream media is largely up in arms and aghast with how comedian Michelle Wolf treated White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. It’s stupid. It’s so so stupid. In my opinion, Wolf did nothing wrong and didn’t say anything out of line. Sanders’ defenders say Wolf insulted Sanders’ appearance. Nope. She just called Sanders a liar.

The White House Correspondents’ Association released a statement that reads like a weak-willed apology. Either the press stands for bowing to corrupt politicians or stating the blunt truth. Pick a side.

Sprint and T-Mobile are merging: Now, there are just three wireless players on the United States’ stage. The combined company will have somewhere around 100 million subscribers. The combined resources will allow the company to be competitive with the other big shots, AT&T and Verizon. But, will there be less competition? Will prices go up?

Ronny L. Jackson probably not White House doctor anymore: Politico and The Washington Post reported yesterday that Jackson was out as the president’s physician. Jackson was the nominee to be the Veterans’ Affairs director when unsavory facts about his time as the White House doctor circulated. After that venture failed, Jackson purportedly would not resume his former role either. But, the White House is pushing back on those rumors.

Your best Monday night entertainment options in Seattle include: A “live magazine” presentation from National Geographic, a screening of Ella Cinders at the final installment of Silent Movie Mondays, and Meshell Ndegeocello’s show at Jazz Alley.

Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...