That car on I-5 or Trump's presidency going up in flames? You decide. Credit: Eduard Muzhevskyi/Getty Images
That car on I-5 or Trumps presidency going up in flames? You decide.
That car on I-5 or Trump’s presidency going up in flames? You decide. Eduard Muzhevskyi/Getty Images

I’m back, everyone! Shout-out to Nathalie for taking over Slog AM yesterday as the rightful ruler of the morning news. I’m in Wyoming right now, where cats apparently have the bubonic plague, so who knows if I’ll make it back. But here’s the news.

Car fire makes squeeze even worse: In case your morning commute wasn’t bad enough, a car burst into flames along I-5 around five this morning. I’ve never had my car catch on fire, but I’ve seen enough action movies to know the respectful thing to do is drive it off a bridge into a body of water (The Stranger does not advise you drive off a bridge).

Can you feel the heat? This is the warmest start to the new year in Seattle’s recorded history, which goes all the way back to the 1890s. It’s almost as though the earth is warming really fucking quickly. Here is resident climate badass Eric Holthaus at Grist to strike some urgency into your morning, “This is the grandest of possible wake-up calls: We are in the emergency phase of climate change.”

Lying like a rug: A new report by BuzzFeed News (yes, that same BuzzFeed) reveals that Trump personally directed his attorney Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the ongoing Trump Tower negotiations in Moscow during the campaign. He also jumped at Cohen’s idea to personally visit Vladimir Putin in Russia during the campaign to get the negotiations rolling. This is fucked up on so many levels. I don’t have the space to explain all those levels, so read this Vox piece that does just that.

Speaking of Michael Cohen: He wants you to think he’s a “strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented and ready to make a difference!” In 2014, he hired an IT firm to create and run the Twitter account @WomenForCohen to make him look sexy. Yes, this is a real thing. Yes, the Twitter account is still up. Hell yes, you should look at it.

Don’t worry, furloughed workers, Trump has your back: The president signed a bill guaranteeing that all government workers affected by the shutdown will receive back pay for missed wages. Problem solved, everyone! Oh wait, that does nothing to help people pay their bills now. Mitch McConnell could end this shutdown today if he brought it to a vote in the Senate. But he’s retreated into his turtle shell prompting many freshman house Democrats to ask #WheresMitch?

Gonna get gusty: Hold on to your hats, ditch your umbrellas, and break out your wind turbines, because it’s going to get windy out there today. Seattle could see sustained 35 to 40 mile per hour wind starting around 2 p.m. today.

Chicago police officers acquitted: You might not remember this, but anyone living in Chicago in 2014 (me) remembers when Laquan McDonald, a young black man, was shot 16 times by CPD officer Jason Van Dyke. The dashcam footage, which the city government originally tried to suppress, ignited outrage and demonstrations across the city. The officer was convicted of second-degree murder in October, but three other colleagues were acquitted yesterday of charges that they lied and conspired to cover up the shooting.

I volunteer as tribute! A Pennsylvania police department is looking for volunteers to get drunk so new officers can practice giving field sobriety tests. In less than 24 hours, the department had what they called an “overwhelming response” to their social-media post. Seattle Police Department, I’d love nothing more than to black out with our city’s finest.

Give me Dick’s or give me death: While the press explored the new Roosevelt light rail station and snapped pictures, owners of beloved Dick’s Drive-In held a news conference in Kent to oppose Sound Transit’s plans to potentially condemn taking the land their restaurant sits on for a train-maintenance base. Could they have picked a more adored Seattle institution? Might as well of just set up shop inside Bezos’s balls.

Super blood wolf moon: No, that’s not the name of Seattle’s newest punk-prog-goth rock band, it’s the lunar event of the year! And it’s the last total eclipse of the year. It’s going to be a good one. Check out this link from National Geographic on how best to see it. If you can get out of the Seattle glow—or gloom, depending on the weather—then you should. I’ll try my best to bring you all some pictures!

This weekend’s best Seattle entertainment options include: The Seattle Women’s March, a chance to enjoy special noshes and cocktails with Planned Parenthood and Shout Your Abortion at Roe on the Rocks, and the opening reception for Re:definition: Latinx Diaspora.

Timothy Kenney is a former Slog AM intern. He's written for multiple Seattle outlets, helped CNN cover a mudslide in Sierra Leone, and almost threw up on James Franco once.