Someone's poisoned the water hole! (hint: it was coal ash) Credit: KAMILPETRAN/GETTY IMAGES
Someones poisoned the water hole! (hint: it was coal ash)
Someone’s poisoned the water hole! (Hint: It was coal ash.) KAMILPETRAN/GETTY IMAGES

If Governor Jay Inslee is campaigning for president: Then who the hell is in charge of the state? Is he hiring a political babysitter while he follows his dreams, like a single dad who has always wanted to be a black belt? Well no, not exactly. He thinks he can do both jobs, ceaselessly campaigning around the country and running one of the fastest growing states in the country, at the same time. Others aren’t so sure and have been concerned with how much time he’s already spent focusing on issues outside Washington in his run-up to announcing. But he’s keeping his job and the possibility of running for governor again if his presidential hopes don’t work out.

Sea-Tac gets some competition: Paine Field is now open for business. No, it’s not the name of some super macho football field, it’s a small but convenient airport located north of Seattle that opens today. It’s only expecting about 1 percent of Sea-Tac’s annual passengers, but it fills a niche for regional travel. The designers have described it as a “boutique” airport, which will either excite you or make you retch.

Edmonds man gets both Naked and Afraid: This is how I feel when I forget a towel and have to run from the bathroom to my room. This is now the second time he has flown down to Panama to film himself completely naked surviving in the wilderness for the TV show. The first time was during the dry season, so the living was easy, but round two is during the rainy season, which means ceaseless sand fly bites all over. Count me out.

Senate has the votes to block Trump’s emergency declaration: Four Republican senators have said they would vote in favor of terminating the declaration, giving Democrats in the Senate the 51 votes they needs to pass. Trump is planning to veto their resolution, so this is all just technically for show, but it does send a very strong message to the White House that these kind of power grabs will not be tolerated. Also, Trump hasn’t used his veto power yet, so he might just chicken out and fold up the whole emergency bandwagon altogether.

Deadly tornadoes rip through central Alabama: At least 23 people are dead after multiple tornadoes tore through more than 1,000 homes in Lee County. The number of people missing is in the double digits, so the death toll is expected to rise, and the sheriff has confirmed children are among the dead. One of the tornadoes was a half mile wide and was blowing winds up to 165 miles per hour.

Our weather is going to be much more tame: Today will be Sublime!

US coal plants are contaminating groundwater: 242 out of 265 domestic coal plants report unsafe levels of at least one of a multitude of pollutants in coal ash. That’s more than 90 percent. The majority of these plants not only show unsafe levels for one pollutant, they are pushing levels of FOUR different pollutants into unsafe territory. Coal ash is nasty stuff. It’s full of arsenic, lithium, and lead to name a few, so you don’t want it in your drinking water.

Trump’s legal troubles went from bad to worse: Riding off a wave of incriminating evidence brought forth by Michael Cohen, Trump’s former attorney, House Democrats are launching an “abuse of power” investigation. They’re going after people’s documents in the Trump organization, the White House, and even the Department of Justice to learn more about how Trump used his power inappropriately. That’s not even to mention the long-awaited Mueller report, which he is expected to file this week. There’s no doubt we’ll learn new details, but let’s not forget that the president has already been implicated in an alleged felony as an unindicted co-conspirator.

My butthole would be fully clenched: I love his attempts to reverse like, “Holy shit, holy shit, get me the hell out of here!”

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: A concert with Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the last day of Li’l Woody’s Burger Month, and a screening of Salvador Dalí: In Search of Immortality.

Timothy Kenney is a former Slog AM intern. He's written for multiple Seattle outlets, helped CNN cover a mudslide in Sierra Leone, and almost threw up on James Franco once.