We tolerated the tunnels you were digging under LA. We begrudgingly accepted the flamethrowers you sold people in the peak of fire season. But. We're tired, Elon. We're so tired. Credit: HELGA ESTEB / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
We tolerated the tunnels you were digging under LA. We begrudgingly accepted the flamethrowers you sold people in the peak of fire season. But. Were tired, Elon. Were so tired.
We tolerated the tunnels you were digging under LA. We begrudgingly accepted the flamethrowers you sold people in the peak of fire season. But. We’re tired, Elon. We’re so tired. HELGA ESTEB / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

At least five attempted suicides among asylum seekers: There are immigrants from all over the world living in Seattle and waiting, constantly waiting, for an answer to their asylum bids. The government gives these people a six-month timeline for their asylum applications to be returned. Many have been waiting for years, some for up to four. They wait in constant fear that they will be deported. The current situation at the southern border is not helping their anxiety, or their hope. Lutheran Community Services Northwest is an organization that helps asylum seekers. They have noticed a decline in their clients’ mental health. In the last year, there were at least five attempted suicides, reports Crosscut.

Only 68.5 percent of bike share bikes on the streets are rideable: According to the survey the Seattle Times conducted, out of the 206 rides reporters attempted on bike share bikes since November, only 141 bikes were rideable. I don’t know why the arbitrary 206 number—is that big enough of a sample size? Is it because of the Seattle area code? I don’t know. Under SDOT’s proposal, four bike share companies will be allowed to operate in Seattle.

Finally! It’s Chinook Salmon season: It’s that time of year, the fisherman’s Coachella. I’m assuming. Recreational anglers—to the uninitiated, those are people who fish with a rod or line—will be able to fish to their heart’s content starting today. Well, not as much to their heart’s content as years prior. There are more rules and regulations put in place by the Washington State Department of Fish and Wildlife this year in order to protect and sustain the Chinook population. If you’re hankering for some angler-ing, make sure you read KING5’s guide. Or, you can download the Fish Washington! app. That’s probably part of the essentials category on the app store.

Airbus may vault ahead of Boeing: Not all is fair in airplane manufacturing. Airbus, longtime competitor to Boeing, may soon have the upper hand when it comes to the whole airplane business. See, Airbus is continuing to grow and manufacture while Boeing is dealing with a Chinese trade war. Airbus’ new acquisition, a small jet from Bombardier, was crucial. The deal which featured a new jet with new technology was initially offered to Boeing and was met with a rebuff. Bombardier then pivoted to Airbus and offered them, as the Seattle Times puts it, a “screaming deal.”

You can (now legally) ride e-bikes on some Seattle trails: Yeah, I didn’t know that wasn’t allowed either. Sorry, fellow riders on the Burke-Gilman trail. But, starting on August 1, people might just be allowed to fire up those electric assist bikes and cruise down the Burke-Gilman as well as trails like the Elliot Bay, the Duwamish, the Mountains to Sound, and the Melrose Connector. You know, legally. Seattle’s Board of Park Commissioners unanimously approved the measure. It still has to be voted on by the interim parks supervisor. That’s like the governor or the president of the parks department, it seems. Look at all this democracy at all levels of local government!

Largest UW freshman class: The University of Washington is opening its doors to the largest and “most diverse” freshman class in history. I feel like this happens with every freshman class, especially as UW builds more dorms and gets more money from Paul Allen or Bill Gates to build more computer science buildings. That’s just speculation. According to the Seattle Times, more than half of the in-state students who applied to UW were accepted—63 percent of the freshmen on campus next year will be from Washington state. That’s less than the 67 percent of 2014.

This one’s for the ramen lovers: I see you. I acknowledge and validate your existence. So does Tsuta, Tokyo’s first Michelin-starred ramen restaurant that will be coming to Seattle in 2019. It will join the ranks of Seattle’s hot ramen scene. (Please be warned, ramen is actually very hot, not just popular. My brother spilled some on his leg and got second-degree burns and missed my college graduation). Tsuta’s first North American outpost will crop up in San Francisco this fall and will expand more in California before it hits the Pacific Northwest.

It’s not ramen weather: Unless you’re trying to turn your body into a personal sweat lodge I would not recommend eating ramen today. It’s expected to break 90 degrees in Western Washington again. Look at that bullshit “92” down near Seattle in this report from the National Weather Service:

At least mid-summer nights are dreamy:

Trump/Putin summit or Madame Tussauds from Hell? I sincerely hope you didn’t forget that the meeting between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin was happening this morning. How could you? Didn’t you make a save the date in your shared Google calendar? Maybe you got distracted when 12 Russians were indicted in the Mueller probe on Friday. Either way, it’s happening and it looks like a scarier version of 2005’s House of Wax. Basically, loads of fun.

The two dictators leaders met for an initial two hour one-on-one meeting:

This is what Fox News had to say: Keep in mind, the reporter, Kim Guilfoyle, is dating Donald Trump Jr. Not like conflicts of interests ever stopped Fox News before, but c’mon, Kim.

Elon Musk is so fucking dumb it hurts: Over the weekend it came to light that the Tesla-founder, billionaire, ruiner-of-Grimes, and overall asshole, donated nearly $40,000 to a Republican political-action committee. But, that wasn’t enough incendiary bullshit for Elon this weekend. Nah, he got all fed up with the Thailand rescue operation not wanting to use his specially designed submarine to rescue the Thai soccer team that was stuck in a cave. Instead, a team of divers rescued the boys without Elon or his stupid submarine’s help. Elon called one of the divers a “pedo” in a tweet. That diver might sue.

Allez les bleus! France won the World Cup 4-2 against Croatia yesterday. Let’s be real, the first two goals were stupid—the first scored off a flop and the second a penalty kick from a handball in the box. Both gimme goals, if you’re asking me. Croatia, first-time World Cup finalists, put up a hell of a fight and had a consistently more solid game. France’s speed, offensive strength, and Mbappe-ness overwhelmed Croatia’s defense. It was a well-fought tournament and I will miss it dearly.

What is a sports victory without rioting, though?

Way to go Pussy Riot: The Russian feminist punk rock protest group (that’s a lot of adjectives) broke onto the field of the World Cup final yesterday. Four members ran onto the pitch dressed as police officers. They said it was a protest against human rights violations in Russia. They have been accused of violating the rules for spectators at sporting events and of wearing police uniforms illegally, BBC reports. The fine is only $161 (or, 10,000 roubles).

Did you see that parents are beginning to be united with their separated children? It was a happy story here in Washington this weekend. Elsewhere, the reunions haven’t been as easy. Trauma will do that.

Nuclear theft: Over a year ago, two security experts from the Department of Energy’s Idaho National Laboratory were in San Antonio. They were transporting samples of dangerous materials. Among these was plutonium and cesium—what were they trying to do, power a flux capacitor?? They stopped at a Marriott for the night. When they woke up someone had broken into their car and stolen the nuclear materials. One year later, no one knows where those materials—some of the most dangerous in the world, mind you—are.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: Trove’s Barangay Fiesta: Filipino Pop-Up Night, Rachel Z. Arndt’s reading of her collection of personal essays Beyond Measure, and a Music Under the Stars performance of works by James Newton Howard, Sergei Rachmaninov, and Johannes Brahms.

Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...