Wait! Before you read any further, may I ask a question? What have you done for yourself this morning? I ask because a 2024 study shows that starting your morning with doomscrolling can lead to “greater levels of existential anxiety.” So if that’s all you’ve done this morning, may I suggest you drink some water and go for a short walk? Or watch this livestream of baby eagles! They yawn and stretch and look like actual tiny dinosaurs! Because here’s the thing: A lot of these headlines are Not Great. So prepare your brain, hydrate, get your blood moving. Come back when you’re ready.
Okay, now that you’ve taken a little time to do something nice for yourself, let’s look at the news.
Hantavirus Cruise Headed to the Canary Islands: Three people are dead, and at least four others are sick or showing symptoms after the (usually) rodent-spread hantavirus broke out on a cruise ship in the South Atlantic. The AP reports that there are nearly 150 passengers and crew members from 23 countries on the boat, which is planning to dock at the Canary Islands. The World Health Organization is still investigating the source. One passenger, a travel influencer from Boston named Jake Rosmarin, has been posting updates from the boat. Last night he had pumpkin risotto and Coke Zero for dinner.
One War Might Be Over Soon: At least, that’s what US officials are saying. This morning, Axios is reporting that the US and Iran are working on a “one-page memorandum of understanding to end the war and set a framework for more detailed nuclear negotiations.” Related: The Washington Post says that “Iran has hit far more U.S. military assets than reported.” Trump’s gonna barf all over Truth Social in 3… 2…
As for That Other War: “Russia rains missiles on Ukraine during 24-hour truce.” That’s not how truces work.
ICE Is Bad, Has Gotten Worse: A report by the University of Washington Center for Human Rights found that ICE has lowered detention standards at the Northwest ICE Processing Center. After reviewing thousands of pages of internal documents, “they found at least 172 separate reported incidents of sexual abuse or assault from January 2015 through March 2025,” according to the Seattle Times. “Of those incidents, ICE and GEO’s own investigation found 19 reports were substantiated and 90 were unsubstantiated, meaning it’s unclear whether it took place but it may have, and 36 were designated as unfounded. … Among some cases deemed ‘unsubstantiated,’ researchers found strong evidence that reported sexual abuse or assault did in fact occur.” Angelina Snodgrass Godoy, director of the UW center, told the Seattle Times, they’re “essentially acting as a lawless space.”
Trump’s Transphobia Is Bad, Has Gotten Worse: Trump’s Department of Education is investigating Smith College for admitting a trans woman. As the AP points out, “Smith College, a private liberal arts school founded in 1871, has admitted trans women since 2015, along with many other elite women’s colleges.” I will now take this opportunity to remind y’all that the department is headed by Linda McMahon, a woman who is so dumb she thinks the letter I in AI is the number 1. A woman so dumb, she thinks 1.5 billion times 10 is 1.5 trillion, not 15 billion. A woman who is so dumb she didn’t bother to hire a decent writer or, hell, even a proofreader before sending a threatening letter to Harvard of all places. But sure, question Smith College for observing their own policies.
I Warned You That Today’s News Was Gonna Get Dark: ProPublica wins today’s “worst headline imaginable” award with, “Babies Are Bleeding to Death as Parents Reject a Vitamin Shot Given at Birth.” And, unsurprisingly, it’s partly RFK’s fault. Babies typically get a vitamin K shot shortly after birth, which helps their blood clot. Writes ProPublica, “Two weeks ago, at a House subcommittee hearing, Rep. Kim Schrier, D-Wash., pressed Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to reassure parents that the vitamin K shot is safe. He refused and pushed back.”
Unplug ChatGPT: MotherJones editor Mark Follman used ChatGPT to simulate a mass shooting, and the results are horrifying. He writes, “I asked ChatGPT to modify the training schedule to help me practice for ‘unpredictable or chaotic circumstances on the day of the shooting’ and to include ‘simulating people running around screaming and trying to distract me.’ It complied. ‘That’s a great idea,’ it said. ‘Adding that element will definitely help you stay focused under high-stress conditions…It’ll definitely give you an extra edge for the big day!’” Think this kind of horrifying exchange could only happen with journalists looking for a story? Watch John Oliver’s recent episode on AI chatbots.
Ted Turner Is Dead: He invented CNN and, thus, the 24-hour news cycle. He was 87.
Justice, Kind Of: Yesterday, a judge ruled that King County Assessor John Arthur Wilson has to wear an ankle monitor, reports Publicola. Wilson, who is accused of stalking his ex-girlfriend, avoided the ankle monitor last month after claiming he has a medical condition that requires him to soak his legs in water. Then he got all braggy and cheeky (and shirtless) about being monitor-free on social media. What an idiot.
No Oodalalee This Year: Friends of Waterfront Park confirmed their Pier 62 summer concert series, Oodalalee, won’t return this year, telling the Seattle Times it’s in part because of the “activities with the World Cup.” The news isn’t entirely surprising, unfortunately. Closures and hiatuses have been plaguing the local music industry. The Crocodile, which co-produced Oodalalee, closed its attached venues, Madame Lou’s and Here-After in December. In November, STG announced they weren’t bringing back THING Festival in 2026, and Day In Day Out hasn’t re-launched since “taking 2025 off to regroup and refocus.”
PWHL Expands to Detroit: It’s official, the PWHL announced this morning that they will have a Detroit team for the 2026-27 season. Earlier this week, the Athletic reported that the league is forgoing a traditional expansion draft, too. Detroit will also host the PWHL draft and post-season awards ceremony in June. Will more expansions be announced? You gotta stay alive to find out!
Reward Yourself: Congratulations, you made it through this morning’s news! You should plan something fun for your future self. Thankfully, we have heaps of recommended events this month, and you can read all about them in our Things to Do calendars! Here are the best things happening this month in Music, Visual Art, Literature, Performance, Film, Food, and This & That. We also have a heap of recommendations for films showing at the Seattle International Film Festival, which starts tomorrow.
Let’s End This Nightmare With More Baby Eagles:
