He’s running. For governor. Jay Inslee announced Wednesday that he’s out of the presidential race and announced Thursday that he will run for reelection for governor of Washington State. Our condolences to Attorney General Bob Ferguson, Commissioner of Public Lands Hilary Franz, and King County Executive Dow Constantine, all of whom indicated an interest in running if Inslee declined. Also, a hearty congrats to the Onion for snagging the first interview with the former/future candidate before he transformed into a majestic oak tree. Potential campaign slogan for his next bid for governor: “Jay Inslee knows when to give up.” (Beto, however, does not.)
Something or someone is murdering cattle in Oregon, and no one knows who or what. Ranch hands at Silvies Valley Ranch in Eastern Oregon discovered four of their bulls dead in just 24 hours, and while the cause of death isn’t yet clear, according to the Oregonian, “There were no wounds. No signs of a struggle. And the bulls’ genitals and tongues had been carefully removed.” Detectives are still investigating, but apparently there was a rash of similar mutilation/murders in the 1970s when hundreds of bulls were de-tonuged and de-balled across the West. Fashion is so cyclical.
It’s back, baby! And, yes, I am talking about measles. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that a measles outbreak across the United States has now reached 30 states and more than 1,200 cases. Measles, if you need reminding, is a highly contagious but very preventable illness. And if you have any doubts about this, you should read Roald Dahl on his daughter’s death from measles at age 7 and then quit any Facebook groups telling you that the MMR vaccine causes autism.
T-Mobile wants to bring 5G to Puget Sound. The Puget Sound Business Journal reports that T-Mobile, the City of Bellevue, UW, Quake Capital, Amazon Web Services, Microsoft, Google, Intel, WeWork, and a bunch of other companies that would benefit from 5G are trying to join together to have parts of Seattle and the surrounding suburbs designated a 5G “Innovation Partnership Zone.” What does this mean? I have no idea, but GeekWire has more details. If you are wondering if 5G causes cancer, read this.
Sarah Sanders pivots to Fox News. Well, well, well, who ever could have predicted? CNN reports that Aunt Lydia Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the former head propagandist for the White House, will be joining the Trump administration’s media wing, the Fox News Network. I thought you had to be blonde to work on Fox, so I guess this is their attempt at diversity.
Trump’s disapproval rating remains steady at 60 percent. A poll released Thursday by the Associated Press and the NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that 6 in 10 Americans think Drump is doing a shitty job and 4 in 10 Americans need to get their brains checked.
Miley Cyrus did not cheat on her husband, so stop asking. Hannah Montana addressed rumors that she cheated on soon-to-be-ex-husband Liam Hemsworth in a Twitter thread that’s kind of sweet and funny. Did you know Miley got kicked off Hotel Transylvania for buying Liam a penis cake for his birthday and licking it? Fun!
I can accept that the life I’ve chosen means I must live completely open and transparent with my fans who I love, and the public, 100% of the time. What I cannot accept is being told I’m lying to cover up a crime I haven’t committed. I have nothing to hide.
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) August 22, 2019
So you feel bad for the Amazon, huh? As well you should! The rainforest is burning, people are suffering, and Brazil’s version of Donald Trump is blaming environmentalists. What can you do to help beside heading to Brazil to put out the fire yourself? Give up beef, as most of the land is being cleared for cattle ranching. I know, I know, but we’ll have lab-grown beef before too long, and in the meantime, the Impossible Burger is totally fine, as are most other foods that aren’t steak and burgers. Have you tried cheese? Oh, wait.
