HEY, YOU DIRTY BIRDIES!
The time has come once again for Stranger readers to look deep within
their lusty souls (and underpants) and spill the beans in The Stranger‘s
fifth annual Sex Survey! If you’ve done it, we wanna know about it. If
you haven’t done it, we wanna know why. And we wanna know everything by FRIDAY,
JANUARY 19, so the masterminds at The Stranger‘s statistical
laboratory can sludge through your filthy confessions and compile a complete
sexual portrait of our sultry city for our illustrious Valentine’s Day
issue.
So grab your pencils, log on to your computers, and get busy! (Again, completed
Sex Surveys are due by Friday, January 19.)
THE BASICS
1. Sex: Male Female
2. Age:
3. Orientation: choose
Bi
Gay
Lesbian
Straight
4. Political Affiliation:
Democrat
Republican
Green
Libertarian
Independent
Tory
Other:
5. Religious Affiliation:
Atheist
Agnostic
Christian
Jewish
Buddhist
Muslim
Other:
6. Relationship Affiliation:
choose
Single and miserable
Single and content
Going steady
Partnered/Married and content
Partnered/Married and miserable
MATTERS OF HISTORICAL IMPORTANCE
7. I lost my virginity when I was
years old.
8. Losing my virginity
was
(check all that apply)
fucking rad, dude
a relief
just fine
a blur
a let-down
a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on Hitler
help me Jesus, I’m still a virgin
9. Looking back at losing my virginity, I wish I had
(check all that apply)
waited until I was older
not waited so long
been with someone else
taken off my shoes
had free use of all my limbs
turned off Aerosmith
remembered to breath through my mouth
found her clit
not gotten pregnant
10. Up to this point in my life, I have had sex with
people.
(Sex = oral sex, anal intercourse, vaginal intercourse, and, yes, handjobs.)
11. Over the course of my life, I have had sex with
(check all that apply)
a sibling
a cousin
a parent
a minor
a person of a different race
a senior citizen
an Oscar winner
12. What impact will George W.
Bush being sworn in as our 43rd president have on sex lives?
None.
It’s going to be harder to get an abortion.
It’s going to be harder to get a blowjob in the Oval Office.
Knowing that George W. Bush is president will act as a free-floating mood-spoiler,
making it harder for me to enjoy myself.
Knowing that George W. Bush doesn’t approve of premarital or gay sex will
make me that much likelier to engage in both as a form of protest.
13. The Gettysburg Address was
delivered in the year
CURRENT EVENTS
14. I have sexual
thoughts
times per day.
15. I masturbate
times per week.
16. I have sex
times per week.
YAY FOR TECHNOLOGY!
17. In
the year 2000, I
cruised an Internet chat room
misrepresented myself in an Internet chat room
typed with one hand while diddling myself with the other
got caught diddling myself at the computer by my partner
wiped come off my keyboard and/or monitor
made a real-time hook-up through an Internet chat room
downloaded pornography
sent someone my pic
sent someone my naked pic
sent someone a pic of some one else and claimed it was me
used emoticons (for shame!);-)
18. If you misrepresented yourself
in a chat room, please specify how:
Pretended to be female
Pretended to be male
Pretended to be well-hung
Pretended to be disease-free
Pretended to be slimmer than I am
Pretended to be thoughtful and sincere
Other:
YAY FOR PORNOGRAPHY!
19. In
the year 2000, I
purchased pornography
rented pornography
appeared in pornography
cruised porn on the web
purchased a “crush” video
worked for an Internet porn site
was issued a rubber check by Seth Warshavsky
YAY FOR MORALITY!
20. In
the year 2000, I
cheated on my significant other
was cheated on by my significant other
paid for sex
was paid for sex
mixed booze and sex
mixed drugs and sex
mixed booze, drugs, and sex
slept with someone whose name I didn’t know
had sex with my ex
had sex with a friend’s ex
had sex with a friend’s current
confessed after having sex with a friend’s current
got caught after having sex with a friend’s current
got caught while having sex with a friend’s current
faked an orgasm
had sex with someone while he/she was unconscious
BOO FOR THIS SHIT!
21. In
the year 2000, I
was raped
raped someone
was slipped a “roofie”
slipped someone a “roofie”
was stalked by someone
stalked someone
had sex I regretted afterward
had sex I regretted during
got HIV
gave HIV
GETTIN’ KINKY!
22. In
the year 2000, I
purchased a sex toy
purchased a sex toy that has to be plugged in
had a three-way
had a four-way
had a more-way
(specify:
)
tied someone up
had someone tie me up
peed on someone
had someone pee on me
pooped on someone
had someone poop on me
wore one of those terrifying leather hoods
engaged in blood sport
engaged in electro-genital torture
had sex in a sex club/bath- house
had sex in a public park
got arrested for having sex in a public park
had sex at Tubs
had sex in a moving car
23. My hottest fantasy is
24. I have acted on all my fantasies:
Yes
No
25. I have fantasies that wouldn’t be ethical to act
on:
Yes
No
26. I have fantasies that my partner doesn’t know about:
Yes
No
27. I have cheated on my partner to realize a fantasy:
Yes
No
GETTIN’ SICKLY!
28. During
the year 2000, I got
crabs
herpes
chlamydia
genital warts
gonorrhea
syphilis
29. During the year 2000, I gave someone
crabs
herpes
chlamydia
genital warts
gonorrhea
syphilis
30. I have HIV, and in the year 2000, I
barebacked (top) someone who also has HIV
was barebacked (bottom) by someone who also has HIV
barebacked (top) someone who didn’t have HIV
was barebacked (bottom) by someone who didn’t have HIV
31. Did you tell the people you barebacked in 2000
that you had HIV? Yes
No
32. Do you have trouble sleeping at night?
Yes
No
33. Do you have health insurance?
Yes
No
34. Do the drugs work for you?
Yes
No
35. Did you go to the AIDS Walk?
Yes
No
KEEPIN’ SLIM!
36. For
birth control, I use
condoms
the Pill
a sponge
an IUD
butt sex
homosexuality
celibacy
RU 486
RANDY ROUNDUP!
37. During the year 2000, I had sex
with
(check all that apply)
a blow-up doll
a minor
an arresting officer
a member of a local news team
a repairman/woman
a Kozmo.com delivery person
a person of a different race
a differently abled person
a fruit
a vegetable
a legume
the aid of Viagra
someone from work
BOYS ‘N’ GIRLS!
38. In
the year 2000, I
gave a rim job
got a rim job
refused to give a requested rim job
was refused a requested rim job
FINAL QUESTIONS!
39. Who is Seattle’s
sexiest male bartender?
40. Who is Seattle’s sexiest female bartender?
41. Who is Seattle’s sexiest waiter?
42. Who is Seattle’s sexiest waitress?
43. Who is Seattle’s sexiest male newscaster?
44. Who is Seattle’s sexiest female newscaster?
45. Who is Seattle’s sexiest male politician?
46. Who is Seattle’s sexiest female politician?
47. Who is Seattle’s sexiest university prof?
48. Who is Seattle’s sexiest barista?
49. Who is Seattle’s sexiest personal trainer?
50. Who is Seattle’s sexiest retail clerk?
51. Who is Seattle’s sexiest bus driver?
52. Who is Seattle’s sexiest high school teacher?
53. Who is Seattle’s sexiest high school student?
54. Would you rather have sex
with
Britney Spears OR
Christina Aguilera?
‘N Sync OR
the Backstreet Boys?
Ricky Martin OR
Marc Anthony?
Christine Todd Whitman OR
Condoleezza Rice?
Mickey Mouse OR
Donald Duck?
Dave ‘n’ Dan OR
Tamara?
