Good day to you, mah dear suhs and madams. And may I offuh mah humble compliments on y’all’s balmy climes so late in the summuh. I do surely despair of makin’ a damn nuisance of mahself, but if y’all would suffuh to lend an eah, I’d like to cleah the aiyeah.
Now, I ain’t especially political, but I do read the papers and blowgs, and I done seen the deplorable business up in Charlottesville, and I done seen what transpired in Durham, and it got me to thankin’ there was somethin’ mah honuh demands that I declare: