Also, as for trans identities/categories, there are no clean delineations; I recommend the caller reads David Valentine's excellent Imagining Transgender for a thorough and engaging exploration of various trans identities.
just a note for Transvestite guy... (guessing you're in Lawrence - or you'd still be closeted) Okay, I'm too old for you and I'm happily in a relationship, but... I'm a girl in Kansas that loves TV guys... we exist.
To the transvestite musician in Kansas...there is a Canadian musician named John O'Regan (going by the project name Diamond Rings) who recently toured in support of Robyn. He's riffing on early 80s glam androgyny and he does not disclose his sexuality but I can only guess how many women are out there creaming for him. Depending on what kind of music you do, maybe androgyny + live touring musician = avalanche of pussy for you?
For the woman with scars: see an aesthetician. There is a treatment called microderm abrasion which is gentle and will help make the scars go away faster - it might be for you, and the aesthetician will also help you find lotions that will suit your skin.
Why is it that every time I download a show, I have to download several times before it will give me the whole file? I've noticed this happens with every one for the last couple months.
This episode doesn't seem to be available in iTunes. Does anyone know anything about this? When I click the "download" link in this website, all it does is play the podcast from the site. Is there any other way I can get it into my mp3 player?
To the woman with the scars: Dan's advice was great (show your arms and anyone who asks you out can be assumed to be OK with the scars). But I would add one thing. You do not have to be perfect to have a sex partner or a relationship. Can I repeat that? You do not have to be perfect to have a sex partner or a relationship. I worry that young women are waiting for their goal weight, or the acne to subside, or whatever, so that their life can begin and that they can deserve to enjoy it and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. That's just not true, and please don't hold yourself to that kind of impossible standard. Seek out the aesthetician if you like as recommended above if you think it will make you feel more confident, but you don't *need* to fix this in order to find someone.
I am not sure that vibrators are exactly equivalent to fleshlights. For one thing, many (most?) women can't come by intercourse alone, so the vibrator can be used in conjunction with whatever she and her partner are doing whereas generally speaking most men seem to climax just fine (nevermind that caller last week) and there is something slightly alienating about bringing the fleshlight into a couple's sexual interaction. Or maybe I'm just biased.
To the girl with the spots - I have the same thing and I'm 24. I still have them and I've had them since I was 8. I share your frustration with the whole lotion thing - EVERYONE tells me that and it doesn't really work. I've read articles that Asians and overweight people have more of a chance of having this and I was both. (Now I'm still Asian, but like you, I've lost weight.) So I don't really have a real solution for this or your scars...
But Dan's on the mark about being relaxed about it. I have had a few boyfriends and as it is noticable, I am conscious about it and am usually the first to bring it up. But I do it in a "hmm, I don't know.. I've had these since I was little, it's supposed to go away over time but it hasn't... I put tonnes of lotion on it and when I have money I'll probably see someone about it" sorta way. They act concerned but only at that moment then it becomes a non-issue. It hasn't stopped me from having awesome sex and having fulfilling relationships. And if you look closer, take a very look closer.. you will realise that other people have it too... or at least, not-so-flawless skin. (Ok, so it's a possibility that more people have it in Australia - I thought it might be something to do with the climate too being a bit dryer or something.) So just don't put a conscious spotlight on it and you can live most of your days without even thinking about it... like I do. DENIAL!
I can't believe Dan would try to pretend a pussy was a gunshot wound! What!?! Did that just slip out of some bizarre subconscious place? Hahahah! Sorry, but I couldn't let that one go. Wtf, man? As a straight woman, I'm not offended, but just didn't want to let that just slide by unnoticed. Again, Dan really did say that gay men would be more likely to get off on a Keanu Reeves gun shot wound than a vagina. Hey man. To each his own. ;)
Is there a ass flesh light? If not there should be? maybe a Dan Savage shaped one or just sponsored haha. As long as where one that subject maybe instead of a his and hers lube, a his and his. We could call it Creamy Cesar or some other salad dressing.
Apparently it only gets better through segregation. Two weeks in a row you have told LGBTs to move out of places like Oklahoma and Kansas. I'm from rural Oklahoma, and I 'escaped' almost seven years ago and moved to Miami. I was more miserable there in 'gay heaven' than I ever was in Oklahoma. So I moved back. And guess what... this is where I found the man of my dreams. We are an openly gay couple in the same small town I grew up in. I just ran for mayor of my hometown. Me being gay wasn't even an issue in the election. I didn't win, but my presence in the election doubled the voter turn-out, less than 30 votes separated me and incumbent, and for the first time in decades, the winner didn't have a majority of the votes. If LGBTs follow your advice and flee the fly-over country, it won't get better here. So lay off the metro-centrism. We don't all have to live in the Seattles, Chicagos, or New Yorks.
Thank you SO MUCH for bringing up the double standard for male sex toys. It's ridiculous the things that for men are seen as creepy/weakness and for women is seen as empowering.
Don't fret, Kansas transplant! I'm from Lawrence, and I'm sure you'll have good luck there! It has a great, active queer community, though it's a little harder to figure out where to look in somewhat smaller communities, I realize.
I understand finding the college crowd a bit frustrating, and I'd agree with Dan to look outside and towards people a little older than yourself. The crowds I know of who are very accepting and fun are mainly made up of townies closer to the 25-45 range, but I'm sure there are some folks a bit younger around, too. Go to bars, concerts, coffee shops in the downtown area that Lawrence locals also go to and mingle. Go to creative and political events that aren't just college-based. I'm sure you'll find people, after a bit of hunting, who are more genuinely accepting and, especially since you sound very nice, plenty of ladies who are into you!
Count me in as another girl with a huge crush on transvestite guy. He sounds so hot and smart! Damn, makes me wish i was in kansas and I have most certainly NEVER wished that before...
To all of those "new adults" (read: aged 18-22): I am lesbian, and didn't meet the woman of my dreams until I was 26! (Which Dan would consider lucky!) I had very few partners--perhaps 1 a year or so, for an average of ~3 weeks--even though I was always on online kink sites, asking friends to hook me up, living in Eugene, OR, etc. Like this cute TV guy, I was *miserable*, and so terribly afraid that I'd be alone forever!
In the end, I found my wife at grad school in a small, hickish town in conservative-bung-hole eastern WA. You never know when or where you're going to meet a special someone, and you have every right to be lonely until you do! But for me, the It Gets Better Project is not just about hope for queer kids when they hit that magical age of 18, but for *all* queer people, that life does get better and the future holds hope for us all.
As an involuntarily celibate male virgin in my early 50s, some of the comments here make me wish I had become a transvestite decades ago! Apparently that's the key to attracting women... :)
Check out the local contra dance community. These vary in age group from place to place, but they tend to be socially liberal and varied. You will OFTEN find straight men dancing in skirts with women & women who like dancing/interacting with different types of men. Contra dancing is very flirty, in a very innocent, non-creepy way. In addition there is great live music, which may appeal to this guy studying music.
http://www.lawrencebarndance.org/ is their website. The video on the main page appears to be from a big local festival (the caller and the band are from out of town) but you can see men in skirts and get an idea of what it's like.
In some areas of the country there are GLBTQ* contra groups as well. Boston, Western Mass, NYC, SF, and even Seattle have queer/gender-free contra dance groups with trans people of every sub-species - cute FTM boys, MTF women, crossdressers, just plain gay men who like to twirl in a skirt, and straights who like to "swap roles" in a comfortable environment. GLBTQ* contra info can be found through http://lcfd.org/
You should check out the Seattle group. Take your partner and the tech saavy at risk youth. No experience necessary. It'd make a great piece for The Stranger!
Like some of the other women here, just had to add: I'm a 21 year old woman going to college in Jersey, and I am once again kicking myself for not going out of state for college. That trans caller got me all hot and bothered just by saying he wanted to eat some pussy. I'm gonna go take a cold shower now, phew.
I'm 36, and I still have the bumps on my arms and upper thighs. Thanks Northern European ancestors! I've had exactly ONE person remark on it in my life, and he was more curious than anything else. Believe me, no one has perfect skin.
I'm surprised more people haven't commented on the girl who can only get turned on when she smokes up. Dan's advice was sub-par compared to usual. If you can't enjoy a natural life function without the aid of a drug then there's something to look into there. As Dan said, maybe the crutch will fall to the wayside eventually, but I wouldn't count on pure inertia to make that happen. Counseling? Herbal supplements? I'm short on advice but I hope she looks into why that's happening for her, especially because the weed alters your mind, thus you can't be truly authentic and present with your sex partner. Viagra don't give you tunnel vision. Just sayin.
I'd like to address the cross-dresser in Kansas. I belong to several kink/fetish groups in Kansas and Oklahoma, and I know any of them would be happy to welcome you in, and give you the opportunity to meet women who greatly appreciate a man who enjoys dressing like a woman. I'm not sure about Lawrence specifically, but I know there are groups in KC, Topeka and Wichita.
Everybody got scars, some small some large. I have a rather large scar stretching just above the line of my left jaw, from chin to ear. I was bitten in the face by a german shepherd, at the age of eleven.
It's not so bad today, and I don’t even think about it most of the time, cosmetic skin surgery hasn't crossed my mind in years. When people in bars ask, I flex my petit lady muscles and call it my battle scar and laugh. Sober people don’t tend to ask, at least the first times you meet them. After a while they ask, and I'll tell them and smile like it's no big deal, because it's not. It's just another feature of my face.
But it took years for it to properly fade and smoothen. Not one year, not five, rather ten. This means I went through my teenage years with a highly visible scar in my face. It wasn't exactly fun.
But it never stopped me from attracting people. I've never been able to hide it (I detest makeup, so that was never a choice) and I actually think the visibility helped me deal with it, I couldn't run from it. I repeat myself; it never stopped me from attracting people, not even as a teenager. Scars scare some people of, but a lot of people won't care.
Don't hide them. If people ask, tell them what they are and if they don't, they don't. Don't turn it into a sob story, it isn't one. It is scars, not cancer. People usually won't make it into a bigger deal then you do.
To the transvestite in Kansas: although I sympathize with your predicament, it's unfair to assume that straight women who reject you based on your appearance or cross-dressing are close-minded or bigoted or homophobic. Regardless of the progressiveness of a community, many straight women are simply not attracted to very androgynous, cross-dressing men. And not all women who are attracted to masculine men only feel that way because their friends will approve.
Love love LOVE androgynous men! I am so glad to see so many other women are speaking up here to support you- and Dan was totally right about the need to be patient. It wasn't that I wanted to fuck what my friends wanted to fuck in college, it was just that I hadnt seen enough androgyny at that point to have it become a turn-on. The more I see, the more I love. Good luck!
WTF woman should be psyched her husband is a cuckold? I don't fuckin think so. She needs to dump his gay ass cuz all he's gonna want from her is her to be a cum receptacle for other men. Her hubby wants to eat other mens cum, not his own. That's why he got all pissed at her Dan - DUH. She isn't the object of his desire. The CUM from other men that happens to be in her pussy is what he desires. He's gay and using the pussy as a way of making himself feel straight. Save the wife a lot of time and energy cuckolds, come out of the closet and go straight to the cock. BAd advice dan.
I really liked Dan's advice to the trans guy in Kansas. I just moved to a small town that I've felt isolated from for 6 months, and even though I'm not in the same position as him that conversation really inspired me to stop focusing on other people's judgment.
Dan, Lawrence, Kansas is so incredibly sex positive, it's ridiculous. I'm a Lawrence girl born and raised and as liberal as they come. It really bothers me when people from my home state are generalized simply because of a few bad examples. If girls in that town don't like this guy, it's not because he likes to wear girls clothes. Maybe he comes off as a self-absorbed douche! "I'm from Oregon and stuck in conservative Kansas, feel sorry for me" isn't a great pick up line.
The marijuana woman sounds like me. I'm a lady in my mid 30's who has often wondered if I should quit the crutch and be done with it. I'm not saying that EVERY time I have sex I need to be stoned, but it is much better, including the ease with which I can have an orgasm. Prior to discovering pot in my early 20's, my sex life was good and satisfying (as much as it can be when you're that young).
I could never get off with a partner, though, despite being a good communicator, knowing what I need, and asking for it. Despite trying different partners, many with quite good skills and experience. I never let that bug me, really, but it bothered my partners, and I couldn't seem to masturbate to orgasm in front of anyone (or get them to help with that, yes even with sex toys) at all.
Combining marijuana and sex = wonderfullness, for me. The first time I ever got off with a partner, it included marijuana. I remember that like it was yesterday because it was so good and such a revelation. If it matters, I don't tend to smoke in many other situations other than when I'm about to have sex. Maybe that's unusual?
I don't agree with the person who said that you can't be truly present or authentic while stoned. I've been with men who ask for certain things during (non-substance influenced!) sex, and then 5 minutes later deny they wanted those things, which are usually ass-play, by the way. If I can be truly myself while stoned and having sex AND have a much easier time having an orgasm, please tell me what's wrong. I consider myself a mentally and physically healthy person who is not a couch potato/classic pothead otherwise, in case anyone is curious. And I rarely have drunk sex, which it seems a large majority of the population do on a regular basis, even with their regular partners. I find that far more sad and dangerous.
One issue that has come up recently is that my partner, who is in every other way lovely and also likes to smoke up before sex, has never had an issue with this until now. He used to think it was hot that pot turned me on instantly (like he said it did for him too). He now figures there's something wrong with my crutch. He thinks I don't find him attractive or want to have sex unless I have smoked up. I have explained that this is untrue and proven it many times by NOT smoking up before we have sex. Trouble is, it's WAY less satisfying. That doesn't seem like the best deal for me.
We've been dating for about a year and a half, and this reaction of his seems to be more as a result of the reduced sex we're having (as what usually happens in relationships lasting longer than a year). Also, in contrast to the first few months of our relationship, I now have a roommate, two jobs instead of one, and am experiencing many new family issues that weren't an issue when we first met. As well, due to a back issue, I'm in pain quite often, which I also find pot helps with more than any other muscle relaxants that I don't want to take anyway.
Thoughts? I don't think this requires a "dump him" solution, but is there a way to balance all this? As much as I'd like to take Dan's advice to the marijuana lady, I think my situation is complicated by what I've just explained.
It's been a while since this call was made but I just discovered the podcast so.... Regarding the man married to the depressed woman. It's time to figure out what's most important in your marriage. If it's all about sex, then do both of you a favor and leave and don't you dare blame it on her. If not, then get over yourself. It's likely that you once said something along the lines of "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". This IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Dan's totally right, if you put it on her, blame her, if you give her time-lines, etc, you're never going to get the good sexual stuff back in your marriage. Instead, jerk off and get over that part of your need. Then - lots of physical love, holding, kissing (even extra sexy kissing), whatever she likes, without going any further. Don't even think about making any moves that she's not comfortable with. That kind of sexual intimacy - the kind that has no expectations of utilizing the energy needed to fuck or suck or have some kind of physical resolution or anything - is likely to be deeply intimate and important and comforting for her. Every so often, talk about it in a moment separate from these. I love you. Where are we with our physical intimacy? What are you comfortable with/have the energy for these days? Loving. Compassionate. I say all this to offer the perspective from a woman who's been there - when I was going through cancer treatment it was really hard for my husband to cope with my lack of interest in sex. His response was disastrous and nearly ended our relationship. So, tread lightly. You can keep all the intimacy intact with her and take care of the personal physical needs personally for a while. It'll be worth it in the long run.
Being a Lawrence resident (and not in college) it was painfully difficult to find resources to transition to a woman. I persevered without any help, when I called the pflag chapter I was informed they couldn't help me because I wasn't a student. I still got along anyhow. The challenges to transfolk in this small town are real but are very different than a more stereotypical boonie. Expectations are different You really have to work hard to be noticed and though we get the same worst elements (mostly in the frats) it still is a liberal arts town with one of the larger lesbian pops. per capita. Now if I could just convince people we mtf's don't all simply want to dance to glam music my work will be done.
To the first caller, with the skin insecurities: I am a licensed aesthetician with the same annoying skin condition (all though mine is worse on my ass cheeks, if that makes you feel any better!). While I'm not a licensed physician, what you described is most likely Keratosis Pilaris, or excess production of keratin resulting in clogged hair follicles and tiny ingrown hairs. It IS super annoying, and will most likely go away when you hit menopause, as it seems to be triggered by those pesky reproduction hormones.
A dermatologist can prescribe an effective lactic acid emulsion that is probably the only topical option, because it is mainly an exfoliant. You have probably already noticed it seems better in the summer months? Indoor tanning helps better than anything, though tanning has its own worries, especially if you are fair skinned, and should be limited. You want to avoid mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin. Let your skin breathe, and get some sun often. Exfoliate with a stiff dry skin brush daily, if possible, but definitely exfoliate often!
P.S. the prettiest girl in my high school walked past a very insecure me once upon a time in our school halls. As I turned my head to follow her walking past, I noticed the back of her arms! It is common, not contagious, doesn't hurt, and I think most people consider it the same way they do freckles or 'Beauty Marks'. Its a thing that makes you such a unique snowflake, and should have no real place in how you consider your beauty.
To the first caller, with the skin insecurities: I am a licensed aesthetician with the same annoying skin condition (all though mine is worse on my ass cheeks, if that makes you feel any better!). While I'm not a licensed physician, what you described is most likely Keratosis Pilaris, or excess production of keratin resulting in clogged hair follicles and tiny ingrown hairs. It IS super annoying, and will most likely go away when you hit menopause, as it seems to be triggered by those pesky reproduction hormones.
A dermatologist can prescribe an effective lactic acid emulsion that is probably the only topical option, because it is mainly an exfoliant. You have probably already noticed it seems better in the summer months? Indoor tanning helps better than anything, though tanning has its own worries, especially if you are fair skinned, and should be limited. You want to avoid mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin. Let your skin breathe, and get some sun often. Exfoliate with a stiff dry skin brush daily, if possible, but definitely exfoliate often!
P.S. the prettiest girl in my high school walked past a very insecure me once upon a time in our school halls. As I turned my head to follow her walking past, I noticed the back of her arms! It is common, not contagious, doesn't hurt, and I think most people consider it the same way they do freckles or 'Beauty Marks'. Its a thing that makes you such a unique snowflake, and should have no real place in how you consider your beauty.
I bought my husband a pocket pussy when he expressed an interest in a toy of his own. But Dan, he can't fully enjoy his toy BECAUSE he has "death-grip" syndrome. Plus, those things are a pain to clean. When we can invest more money in our sex life we'll probably try other toys for him.
I found my father-in-law's flesh light whilst helping them unpack during a move, and I DID find it kind of sad. He's older, and has already cheated on his wife, so I wasn't super surprised.
From now own I will be aware of the sex toy double standard, sorry dudes. Everybody, male and female is entitled to optimized masturbation, and that is no substitute for sex with real human beings.
My pot-smoking predates my sex life but I've never had a problem getting turned on without it. However, alcohol KILLS my libido, so canna-sex FTW! Just do LOTS of foreplay when with a partner, and masturbate lots when you're alone (while sober, maybe before you get out of bed in the morning).
But Dan's on the mark about being relaxed about it. I have had a few boyfriends and as it is noticable, I am conscious about it and am usually the first to bring it up. But I do it in a "hmm, I don't know.. I've had these since I was little, it's supposed to go away over time but it hasn't... I put tonnes of lotion on it and when I have money I'll probably see someone about it" sorta way. They act concerned but only at that moment then it becomes a non-issue. It hasn't stopped me from having awesome sex and having fulfilling relationships. And if you look closer, take a very look closer.. you will realise that other people have it too... or at least, not-so-flawless skin. (Ok, so it's a possibility that more people have it in Australia - I thought it might be something to do with the climate too being a bit dryer or something.) So just don't put a conscious spotlight on it and you can live most of your days without even thinking about it... like I do. DENIAL!
Dan's advice to the woman with depression was perfect. Great job, Dan!
I understand finding the college crowd a bit frustrating, and I'd agree with Dan to look outside and towards people a little older than yourself. The crowds I know of who are very accepting and fun are mainly made up of townies closer to the 25-45 range, but I'm sure there are some folks a bit younger around, too. Go to bars, concerts, coffee shops in the downtown area that Lawrence locals also go to and mingle. Go to creative and political events that aren't just college-based. I'm sure you'll find people, after a bit of hunting, who are more genuinely accepting and, especially since you sound very nice, plenty of ladies who are into you!
In the end, I found my wife at grad school in a small, hickish town in conservative-bung-hole eastern WA. You never know when or where you're going to meet a special someone, and you have every right to be lonely until you do! But for me, the It Gets Better Project is not just about hope for queer kids when they hit that magical age of 18, but for *all* queer people, that life does get better and the future holds hope for us all.
Check out the local contra dance community. These vary in age group from place to place, but they tend to be socially liberal and varied. You will OFTEN find straight men dancing in skirts with women & women who like dancing/interacting with different types of men. Contra dancing is very flirty, in a very innocent, non-creepy way. In addition there is great live music, which may appeal to this guy studying music.
http://www.lawrencebarndance.org/ is their website. The video on the main page appears to be from a big local festival (the caller and the band are from out of town) but you can see men in skirts and get an idea of what it's like.
In some areas of the country there are GLBTQ* contra groups as well. Boston, Western Mass, NYC, SF, and even Seattle have queer/gender-free contra dance groups with trans people of every sub-species - cute FTM boys, MTF women, crossdressers, just plain gay men who like to twirl in a skirt, and straights who like to "swap roles" in a comfortable environment. GLBTQ* contra info can be found through http://lcfd.org/
You should check out the Seattle group. Take your partner and the tech saavy at risk youth. No experience necessary. It'd make a great piece for The Stranger!
http://seattledance.org/contra/rainbow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhdtBIEEG…
Everybody got scars, some small some large. I have a rather large scar stretching just above the line of my left jaw, from chin to ear. I was bitten in the face by a german shepherd, at the age of eleven.
It's not so bad today, and I don’t even think about it most of the time, cosmetic skin surgery hasn't crossed my mind in years. When people in bars ask, I flex my petit lady muscles and call it my battle scar and laugh. Sober people don’t tend to ask, at least the first times you meet them. After a while they ask, and I'll tell them and smile like it's no big deal, because it's not. It's just another feature of my face.
But it took years for it to properly fade and smoothen. Not one year, not five, rather ten. This means I went through my teenage years with a highly visible scar in my face. It wasn't exactly fun.
But it never stopped me from attracting people. I've never been able to hide it (I detest makeup, so that was never a choice) and I actually think the visibility helped me deal with it, I couldn't run from it. I repeat myself; it never stopped me from attracting people, not even as a teenager. Scars scare some people of, but a lot of people won't care.
Don't hide them. If people ask, tell them what they are and if they don't, they don't. Don't turn it into a sob story, it isn't one. It is scars, not cancer. People usually won't make it into a bigger deal then you do.
I could never get off with a partner, though, despite being a good communicator, knowing what I need, and asking for it. Despite trying different partners, many with quite good skills and experience. I never let that bug me, really, but it bothered my partners, and I couldn't seem to masturbate to orgasm in front of anyone (or get them to help with that, yes even with sex toys) at all.
Combining marijuana and sex = wonderfullness, for me. The first time I ever got off with a partner, it included marijuana. I remember that like it was yesterday because it was so good and such a revelation. If it matters, I don't tend to smoke in many other situations other than when I'm about to have sex. Maybe that's unusual?
I don't agree with the person who said that you can't be truly present or authentic while stoned. I've been with men who ask for certain things during (non-substance influenced!) sex, and then 5 minutes later deny they wanted those things, which are usually ass-play, by the way. If I can be truly myself while stoned and having sex AND have a much easier time having an orgasm, please tell me what's wrong. I consider myself a mentally and physically healthy person who is not a couch potato/classic pothead otherwise, in case anyone is curious. And I rarely have drunk sex, which it seems a large majority of the population do on a regular basis, even with their regular partners. I find that far more sad and dangerous.
One issue that has come up recently is that my partner, who is in every other way lovely and also likes to smoke up before sex, has never had an issue with this until now. He used to think it was hot that pot turned me on instantly (like he said it did for him too). He now figures there's something wrong with my crutch. He thinks I don't find him attractive or want to have sex unless I have smoked up. I have explained that this is untrue and proven it many times by NOT smoking up before we have sex. Trouble is, it's WAY less satisfying. That doesn't seem like the best deal for me.
We've been dating for about a year and a half, and this reaction of his seems to be more as a result of the reduced sex we're having (as what usually happens in relationships lasting longer than a year). Also, in contrast to the first few months of our relationship, I now have a roommate, two jobs instead of one, and am experiencing many new family issues that weren't an issue when we first met. As well, due to a back issue, I'm in pain quite often, which I also find pot helps with more than any other muscle relaxants that I don't want to take anyway.
Thoughts? I don't think this requires a "dump him" solution, but is there a way to balance all this? As much as I'd like to take Dan's advice to the marijuana lady, I think my situation is complicated by what I've just explained.
A dermatologist can prescribe an effective lactic acid emulsion that is probably the only topical option, because it is mainly an exfoliant. You have probably already noticed it seems better in the summer months? Indoor tanning helps better than anything, though tanning has its own worries, especially if you are fair skinned, and should be limited. You want to avoid mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin. Let your skin breathe, and get some sun often. Exfoliate with a stiff dry skin brush daily, if possible, but definitely exfoliate often!
P.S. the prettiest girl in my high school walked past a very insecure me once upon a time in our school halls. As I turned my head to follow her walking past, I noticed the back of her arms! It is common, not contagious, doesn't hurt, and I think most people consider it the same way they do freckles or 'Beauty Marks'. Its a thing that makes you such a unique snowflake, and should have no real place in how you consider your beauty.
A dermatologist can prescribe an effective lactic acid emulsion that is probably the only topical option, because it is mainly an exfoliant. You have probably already noticed it seems better in the summer months? Indoor tanning helps better than anything, though tanning has its own worries, especially if you are fair skinned, and should be limited. You want to avoid mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin. Let your skin breathe, and get some sun often. Exfoliate with a stiff dry skin brush daily, if possible, but definitely exfoliate often!
P.S. the prettiest girl in my high school walked past a very insecure me once upon a time in our school halls. As I turned my head to follow her walking past, I noticed the back of her arms! It is common, not contagious, doesn't hurt, and I think most people consider it the same way they do freckles or 'Beauty Marks'. Its a thing that makes you such a unique snowflake, and should have no real place in how you consider your beauty.
I found my father-in-law's flesh light whilst helping them unpack during a move, and I DID find it kind of sad. He's older, and has already cheated on his wife, so I wasn't super surprised.
From now own I will be aware of the sex toy double standard, sorry dudes. Everybody, male and female is entitled to optimized masturbation, and that is no substitute for sex with real human beings.
My pot-smoking predates my sex life but I've never had a problem getting turned on without it. However, alcohol KILLS my libido, so canna-sex FTW! Just do LOTS of foreplay when with a partner, and masturbate lots when you're alone (while sober, maybe before you get out of bed in the morning).