There's nothing I hate more than leaving my house when I'm high—it fills me with paranoia and anxiety. If I'm going to go anywhere, it has to be quiet, dark, and a place with minimal human interaction, so going to the movies is perfect. You can just sit in the dark with a bunch of snacks and be entertained for two hours! That's not so bad.

Luckily, Seattle is lousy with ideal movie theaters. Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave, central-cinema.com) is one of my favorite places—the food is good (if you're high), the booths are comfortable (if you can snag one), and the drinks are strong enough to make you forget you're already high. April is going to be bananas—they're showing Back to the Future and Army of Darkness, and there are cartoon happy hours and an '80s sing-along. All of these are the goddamn perfect accompaniment to getting stoned!

I also love the expansive majesty of Cinerama (2100 Fourth Ave, cinerama.com), and I would beat any one of you with a sock full of quarters to get to their chocolate popcorn. Think I'm going to get high and see the new Captain America movie? You bet I am, after a prolonged amount of time giggling at the old movie costumes on display in the lobby.

The new and improved Sundance Cinemas (4500 Ninth Ave NE, sundancecinemas.com) is so cozy, you feel like you're watching a movie in your living room. The seats are cushiony, and each set of seats has a table attached in the middle so you can eat your hot dog like a civilized motherfucker. Their movies tend toward the arty, but they also have stuff like Noah, which you could only get me to see if I was stoned.

Speaking of typical Hollywood big budgets, I still like places like Pacific Place (600 Pine St, amctheatres.com) for that familiar, old-timey, stoned-in-high-school feel. It's attached to a mall (which is always full of people), and those escalators can be incredibly disorienting, so make a beeline for the elevators and proceed with care. Get a little loose and watch The Lego Movie in 3-D! It's been out long enough that there probably won't even be kids around to freak you out.