What Happens After the Person You Married Tells You They're Transgender

I'm seeing Pride in a whole new way this year.

Comments

1

All well and good, but how do you feel about not having the heterosexual relationship you originally wanted with another man? In other words, do you feel that you're now happier than you would have been with a man? Or, do you feel that you've willingly sacrificed that for your marriage?

2

"Some people still cannot fathom that sex and gender are separate social constructions. "

I'm confused. I thought "sex" was the biological characteristics (penis/vagina) and gender was the social constructs around those biological characteristics.

3

My wife is also trans. She came out earlier this, but I knew very early in our relationship. I'm lucky in that I am not straight, so I never questioned my own sexuality. It is hard at times, but the person she has become is a million times better than who she was. I wish you and your wife all the best.

4

Yeah, this seems to strike a lot of middle white men. It’s almost like they are fleeing something. But in heels and a dress.

5

I’m a transsexual Female. Transitioned at 25. Wife and I had 4 Kids at the time. We were married for almost 7 years.

Now 15 years later the kids are older and my wife and I are still happily married.

But the hard fact is every trans woman I know that was married got divorced. Makes sense. These wives married a man, not a trans woman.

Transition is one door opening and another closing. I am compelled to ask other transsexual females what their so-called authentic self is worth. Is it worth losing your wife and kids over? Your economic security? Is it worth living a agonizingly lonely life as many transsexual females end up living? Is it worth you taking a healthy body and chopping it up in order to be true to yourself—whatever being true to yourself really means.

The answers aren’t straight forward, and sometimes they aren’t clear until 15 years after you have already risked everything.

Was disrupting the lives of everyone around me that I lived worth it. It seemed to be at the time. Was disrupting my life, and the aggregate of my happiness to taste a moment of clarity at the expense of many other parts of my existence? It may not have been. Still figuring out where this journey is taking me.

I’m blessed to have a wife, a best friend who walked with me in this journey. She didn’t sign up for what transition demanded of her, it was an act of love on her part for sure.

I have friends who didn’t make it through the journey of transition, dying alone in their room, on their front lawn from a gunshot wound. Every one of them willing to embrace the tragedy of having a better understanding of self, in exchange for the physical limitations of a physically male body that became so unbearable to occupy even after transition.

I think the medical community current approach is unethical. I think the politicization of the transsexual dilemma by the LGBT community and other liberal organizations is wrong, and further complicates the lives of individuals like myself who don’t have the luxury at the end of the day to know what convruency even remotely feels like.

No matter how many surgeries or how much hrt I take, I was born physically male and objectively there is nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately psychologically there is. Mutilating my genitals, flooding my endocrine system with cross gender hormones, none of the changed a fundamental truth about by body.

I don’t regret transition—it’s a common response from people when I talk about this. I am clear now just how unprepared the medical and psychiatric community is for dealing with a mental health issue that’s been politically weaponized on both sides political equation.

No transsexual is doing their self any favors buying into this political idea that there is something wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with your mind and nothing wrong with your body. The conflict between the two used to be what’s important, and still ought to be. But we have become a political commodity with both sides and it disgusts me.

6

@4 Eager to racialist everything around you I see. Don’t worry, the transsexual dilemma meets its quota along all racial categories. Not one race of people are exempt from this mental health issue.

7

"But we have become a political commodity with both sides"

Truth.

8

Sounds like you married a nut case.

9

Good to hear, for most of the Katie’s of the world the only answer to your question is divorce.

10

I wish you both the best on this journey! There will, of course, be haters along the way but hopefully you'll find your path filled with more kindness than hate.

11

So glad to hear things are working for you.
"There will, of course, be haters along the way..." said Susan Hutchison @ 10, and rightfully so.
As @6 insists of showing us that their own hateful, righteous, attitude is indeed a mental health issue.

12

on the 1st or 2nd date would a been a good time to bring this up..