My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year. Six months into it he told me that he participated in a MMF relationship with a couple of his friends. He said that it went on for years but that it hadn't happened for a while and that he usually only hung out with them as a friend now from time to time. I'm monogamous so I asked him if he needed to participate in something like that in the future and if he felt okay about the way the situation currently was with his friends. He said that he was content with being monogamous with me. We left it at that.

Recently things have changed. I just found out that I'm pregnant. When I told him, he was happy about it, so was I. Then a few days later he told me that the friends he referred to in the past were actually his two closest friends and that it was important for him that they play a major role in the baby's life.

His friends were traveling a lot this year so I've actually only met them a few times. And now I don't really understand what's going on. They are back in town and my BF wants us to start a business together and buy a home together. This is way out of my comfort zone. I told him that before I make any decisions like that I'd need to get to know them first. He got really emotional and told me that if I didn't completely embrace their presence in my life then I don't love him. He basically said that they are his family and that if I'm not into sharing time and space with them in the capacities he's suggested then we won't be spending any time with them until I accept what he wants. He said that I was insulting him and them by needing to suss things out for myself because their relationship was special and that I should just trust that.

I think that this is f#@&ing crazy talk, Dan. At the end of the discussion he told me that I am just a jealous insecure woman and don't know how to be open to other people's preferences. When in my mind I'm not understanding how this suddenly becomes a package deal. (Him, them, me... and our baby? Huh?) I should note that he said he'd be fine with a platonic arrangement. This isn't about me not wanting to have sex with them. This is me not understanding why someone who rush me into sharing finances and living space with people I barely know. Every time I think about it my chest gets tight because the ways he's dealing with it makes no sense to me.

Full Speed Ahead?

Sometimes I gut check my initial reaction to a question by forwarding the letter—with identifying details removed—to a trusted friend.

"Get an abortion" is the only right answer here, isn't it?—Dan

Sweet Jesus.—[Name of Trusted Friend Redacted]

"How does Jesus taste?” wasn’t the question I put to you. "Get an abortion" is the only right answer here, isn't it?—Dan

That seems like the best option to me.—[Name of Trusted Friend Redacted]

You don't have to get an abortion, FSA. If you want this baby, have this baby. But have it a single parent, not as a broodmare for an existing triad. (Having it means your boyfriend is going to be a part of your life for the next 18 years, which is something you should take into consideration while you make up your mind.) Your boyfriend—who you haven't really known that long—clearly hasn't been honest with you about his intentions. And now that you're pregnant... he's suddenly presenting you with a long list of demands/ultimatums/faits accompli, under the apparent assumption that pregnant = trapped. Not just mated, FSA, but checkmated.

Pregnancy isn't a trap. It's an option.

I fear you're being manipulated here—no, wait. You're obviously being manipulated here. I fear you've been lied to, I fear you were lied to all along, and I fear there's a Foot Locker full of shoes still to drop. DTMFA today, FSA, discuss all your options with trusted friends over the next week or two.

Good luck.