Ms Fan - I normally might have been content with "untruthful", but I think my irritation with the editing has carried over. It's a habit of mine to give more consideration than most to the difference between the deliberate falsehood and the disinterested inaccuracy (partly because there are distinct Christie and Mortimer branches in how that difference is handled).

@Capricornius, I was merely pointing out that your test question doesn't work. He might very well not want his wife to always join them even if there's nothing remotely romantic between them. Maybe they use the coffee dates to vent about their relationships. I used to have a close male friend like that.

Venn @111: "I normally might have been content with "untruthful", but I think my irritation with the editing has carried over."
Fair enough, and that makes sense. I guess personally, if I start going down the road of "was it REALLY six years ago? Maybe it was actually eight years ago? Was it REALLY a diaper fetish? Could he actually have been a furry?", only madness will follow. All I have to go by is what's in the letters, and I have to presume either truth or typos, otherwise there's no point of even trying to be an armchair problem solver. Obviously every letter is biased, but I have to presume the writer is at least telling the story accurately from their own perspective.

Ah drjones @108; youve returned. Sigh.

Ms Fan - Accepted with a caveat or two. Things can depend on the sort of letter. Applications for a Pass to Cheat often contain in the same letter things that are true, things that LWs have convinced themselves (or been cinvinced) are true, and things LWs want other people to believe are true. In sorting out one from the other lies much of the interest in them, especially now that Mr Savage seems to have become such a generous grader.

"Forgive me for being harsh, PART, but I think standing up to your wife, not dropping your friend, is the best approach to this situation."

Haven't been married to someone who's the slightest bit jealous, eh Dan?

While it may be true that he might be well rid of someone so insecure and jealous, he also has to weigh the distinct possibility that this will first, make matters worse, and second, soon be without a wife. The guy didn't say anything about any other details about his marriage. It's quite possibly the least bad option to *not* fuck it up.

@drjones: Fascinating. I've had decent luck playing the bad boy with heart, although not in any sort of theatrical context.

Venn @115: Indeed -- that situation falls under my "unless they have an obvious motive to lie" exception. "Dan, can I cheat on my partner? We never have sex, ever. Well, by 'never' I mean hardly ever. Okay, I mean sometimes they say no."

There you go Sean, acting classes, develop your skills. I do see what drjones, sigh, is referring to. As I dip my toe into that world, I want to develop a persona. A play face. I did some acting in college. Did the wife's graveyard scene out of Death of a Saleman, stoned. The class liked it.

Might have been a death bed scene. I would have liked to pursue acting. Then whoops, I was pregnant with my second child and off I went in that direction.

This was a college I went to, after we left Sydney. Finally took classes in all my loves. Dancing, drama, art.

Wait, where did I go?

Are you talking to me, drjones? Don't mind me, I just stand in the wings, watching your performance.

@37: What you said -- "if I wanted to cheat, doing it in the dirt with a sweaty woman is probably the last place it would happen. "

What she heard -- "The two of us are actually at a nearby motel, with a nice bed and hot showers."

@43: "remind her that she's always welcome to join the two of you on your outings.":

Might even be appropriate to tell her that in a little less delicate fashion. "Okay, fine, but if you insist that I drop my biking buddy, then you can damned well get your ass out of bed every Saturday morning and join me on the lake."

@PART: "My wife does not trust my friend not to "take advantage" of our friendship."

Translation: your wife does not trust YOU not to take advantage of the situation, should the opportunity arise. This is kind of stupid, because the opportunity arises literally every time LW is away from the house, not just bike days. Infidelity hardly requires that it occur during known, scheduled coffee dates with the suspected paramour.

In any case, you need to understand that in your wife's estimation _you,_ not your paddling partner, are the problem. Meaning, this isn't going to go away once you dump your friend to placate your wife.

Nice line, Avast. Except opportunity is a big part of most extra marital adventures.
Good try.

What is it with the ' whose got the balls around here', routine.
First off, he talks with his wife. Find out why, and why now.
He and his partner then could work out a compromise, where she feels safe and he can continue his relationship with his friend, in whatever form the two of them decide on. The partners/ husband& wife decide upon.
What's with this aggressive response, from Dan down, to this woman's request of her husband of 29 years.

After all these "Ms Part is the devil incarnate" response&comments, I gotta pick on PART.

often depends on my company for safety
Do you think he means
a) the friend is such a douche that she couldn't get along with anyone else who bikes and kayaks or
b) the friend is such a klutz that he always has to carry her back to the car when she crashes her bike or perform mouth to mouth when she rolls the kayak and breathes water

And.. exactly why is she such a valuable friend if she's such a pain in the butt?

PART is blaming the friend for his marital problems.. he's making it sound like Ms PART is blaming the friend for the problems too.. It does sound like a balanced marriage. I thought it was more common for these kind of people to get a dog to take the blame for everything.

Perfect advice for PART, Dan. PART----you did nothing wrong!
Hell hath no fury like a possessively jealous, insecure spouse.

Thanks Dan, LWs, and everyone for continuously good reads.

I just came across the trailer for God's Not Dead 2, starring Melissa Joan Hart as a - presumably Christian - teacher being dragged to court for answering a student's question. Presumably the point of the role is to glorify "poor, persecuted Christians".

That might have been a more interesting counter-example for Mr Savage. It's perfectly plausible that Ms Hart entirely believes that Christians are persecuted and hopes that her portrayal of a character she sees as heroic will convert the entire country. Or she could, like Rumpole, regard herself as a taxi for hire, and have viewed this portrayal as a challenge to her acting capacity. And I think that comes a lot closer to most of the things people might be squeamish about enacting in the bedroom than serial killers or outdated colonialists, or at least there's a separate branch. One can or cannot compartmentalize the outlandish stuff, but one might kinda-sorta agree with or acquire a bit of sympathy for the milder things, rewarding a more nuanced approach.

Hunter @137: Half, really? Is it confirmation bias, or did a clear majority of the comments come down on the side of PART's wife being unreasonable? You seem to have done some analysis here.

Hunter78, when you make clear unqualified statements, it's up to you to support your statements. We don't have to do your homework for you.

SMOOSH,
Your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine was, minus the marriage part. It's super hard for me to get off on position other than the one I learned to masturbate in when I was little, and it's hard to mimic with a partner. My boyfriend and I eventually figured out that I need to be squeezing my things together really hard (engaging the same muscles to mimic the way I masturbate, although he didn't know this). It was very embarrassing for me to try to show my boyfriend or tell him about it, but I figured he needed to understand how I get off. The way I eventually accomplished it:
One night after the lights were off (it's always easier to tell embarrassing things in the dark) I told him that I had never shown him the way that I masturbate when I'm alone. He was very curious and desperately wanted to know, so I told him I would show him some other time.
A week or so later, I woke up before him one morning. I woke him up a little bit, then started to masturbate under the covers. He figured out what was going on and was very excited to watch and touch a little bit, although we both sort of pretended to still be sleeping.
It was super hot.

@135 Not Melissa Joan Hart! Why are all my childhood heroes turning into crazy Christians?

I don't see why PART should have to give up an opposite sex friend just because his wife is jealous. Based on the letter, his wife's jealousy does not seem to have any basis. She's never met the woman, therefore she has no evidence that the woman has any attraction to her husband. Her husband has expressed no attraction toward his friend, not even in the letter, and has said his feelings are platonic. He says his wife is jealous of the TIME they spend together, which says to me she needs to do three things 1- Find a separate hobby of her own so she realizes that it's ok for married people to have separate interests 2- Suggest a hobby they can both participate in together if they are not already doing that, because that is also important. 3-Stop being so controlling. You can't treat your spouse like a child. It doesn't work. Even if he was doing something wrong, it still wouldn't be the right approach. (In that case you have to point out how he's wrong, why it's upsetting, let him make his own decision and then you make yours.) Meanwhile, there is one thing he could say that might help IF it's the truth he could say that he's not at all attracted to her and that she's not his type - that's the exact sort of thing she wants to hear. Not a good idea if it isn't the truth, though.