Yesterday's letter from FEELS made me want to ask about my situation. I'm a middle aged gay man who is in love with a man my age who lives in Barcelona. We met two years ago on Scruff. A lot has happened since. We chatted for a while, mostly for fun, and it was great hearing him talk about Barcelona and getting his videos from the beach, etc. About that time, I decided to go on PrEP and got all the tests to set it up. Then I decided to go to Barcelona. I figured what the fuck, life is for living. I love Spain and I thought I could finally meet my friend. Our chats were sometimes romantic, so that thought was also in my head. So off I went for two weeks to Barcelona. My friend took me to lots of interesting places, gay clubs, and we had a great time. I fell in love with him. When I came home, I was pretty depressed. I live in a small town in Tennessee, about as far from the gay world of Barcelona as you can get, but I held out hope I could go back to Barcelona one day.

My friend and I have kept up our texting along with some FaceTiming. There have been ups and downs. I've seen his pictures and videos on social media showing him with his friends. I've been jealous and suspicious a few times. He's also been jealous and suspicious. It's a miracle we've kept our relationship going. We have exchanged the words love, amor, and others. We've even talked about a commitment. But I wonder if he's been with other men. I must admit I have, Dan, but it's been almost two years since we were together. I also haven't allowed myself to get serious about any of these other men. Now there's a guy nearby who wants me to visit. He lives about three hours from me. He seems nice and I was going to visit him but I backed out. I don't want to get involved with someone when I'm really in love with my Spanish friend. And let's say I went there "just for fun" and the other guy got serious. Wouldn't that be a shitty thing for me to do? On the other hand, I could be passing up chances for serious relationships based on a dream.

I'm retiring from my job in December, and as soon as I can get some local matters taken care of, I'm off to Barcelona, come what may. Do you think I'm being unrealistic? There are decent guys around here I could probably fall for, but they aren't like my Barcelona friend.

Call Me By Whatever Name

What you need is a little Doris...

Rest In Peace, Ms. Day.

Okay, CMBWN, you've just gotta whatever-will-be-will-be this. There's obviously something there—there's obviously something between you and Mr. Barcelona—but you're moving to Spain early next year regardless, right? That's what "I'm off to Barcelona come what may" means, correct? You're moving to Spain because Spain is where you want to be. Because you didn't just fall in love with Mr. Barcelona, CMBWN, you also fell in love with Spain. And if Mr. Barcelona is still single and available when you get there... and if you're still single and available when you get there... and if this relationship works as well when you're both in the same country, city, apartment, etc., as it did when you were an ocean away... you may wind up together. Forever. Or for a while. Or not. But whatever happens, CMBWN, at least you'll be the hell out of Tennessee. (Please arrange for your absentee ballot before you leave and remember to vote in 2020.)

In the meantime, CMBWN, you haven't been celibate over the last two years and neither has Mr. Barcelona—try not to obsess about it, okay? And, yeah, he could meet someone between now and early next year, just as you could meet someone between now and early next year. Anything's possible. You could wind up together forever or together for a few months and suddenly find yourself single in Spain—but even if it comes to that, CMBWN, wouldn't you rather be single in Spain than single in rural Tennessee? So even if things don't work out with Mr. Barcelona over the short- or long-term, you'll still have him to thank for setting your life on a new and more exciting path.

In the meantime... no need to be celibate and no need to close yourself off to closer-to-home opportunities.


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