1. Quick & dirty question about online dating: What’s the best next step after texting? Audio message? Phone call? Video date? Or a quick, in-person meet-up?

I recommend a quick video call — a brief FaceTime chat — before that first brief, in-person meeting in a public place. If someone isn’t willing to jump on FaceTime to confirm their photos are current (and they’re not a fake, a flake, or a chatbot), they don’t deserve the pleasure of your company.

2. Help! I keep falling in love! With every female friend I have!

Maybe! You could stop! Using your dick! As a divining rod! When picking female friends!

 3. We used to talk, my boyfriend and me. We used to share everything. Now I can barely get him to talk to me, to share things with me, to spend time with me. The more I ask him to spend time with me to talk and share, the more withdrawn he becomes. And forget about sex. How can I get our intimacy back?

You can only ask — and you have asked, repeatedly, and it sounds like the answer to all three of your asks (talk, share, fuck) has been “no.” So, it’s time to go.

4. Which is better: wrist cuffs or handcuffs?

By “handcuffs,” you presumably mean those steel law-enforcement-style restraints that snap around wrists, like these from Smith & Wesson. By wrist cuffs, you presumably mean those wide and ideally padded leather restraints that buckle around wrists, like these from Mr. S Leather. Handcuffs are effective, but they’re not comfortable or safe for play; if they twist, they can do nerve or bone damage (by design); and while some kinksters find their “law enforcement” vibes arousing, others are turned off by them. Leather wrist restraints, on the other hand, are far safer and far more comfortable for play and longer-term wear, and they give “depraved pervert” vibes, which many kinksters prefer.

5. There is this guy. Sometimes, it seems like he’s really into me; other times, he completely ignores me. Hot and cold. Push and pull. Clings then ghosts. What should I do?

Someone else.

 6. I feel creeped out when a man refers to me as his “lover.” It makes me feel like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters: “I’ve been slimed!” Hearing that word applied to me makes me want to jump in the shower. But I don’t say anything because I know it’s supposed to be a compliment. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing. Lots of people have aversions to certain words — words that trigger feelings of irrational disgust — and “lover” triggers you the way moist, loins, panties, phlegm, and sputum trigger others. Personally, I always hated the word “nipple” when applied to me, so I was delighted when gay men started using “tits” about two decades ago. (They don’t give milk, but they’re still tits — tits in drydock, yes, but tits nonetheless.) Some possible alternatives for “lover” that your lovers could use when referring to you (in ascending order of emotional importance): cumdump, fuckbuddy, friend-with-benefits, significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend/enbyfriend, fiancé/fiancée/intended, husband/wife/spouse.

Read the rest of this week's column here... and don't miss this week's SAVAGE LOVECAST with special guest CALEB HEARON! Find out more, and listen here:

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