1. Would you be willing to share my list of proposed gender-free pronouns with your readers, listeners, and followers? I’ve enclosed a graph listing them that details how they should be used. They are very liberating.

Sorry, but I’m unwilling to share your list of new pronouns with my readers, listeners, and followers, as there are currently more than enough gendered pronouns, non-gendered pronouns, and neo-pronouns in circulation. I don’t see any point in adding more to the mx.

2. Should I get on Grindr?

“Every gay man should know how to use Grindr but we all need to remember that it’s just like any social media app: useful, addictive, toxic and it should never, ever replace real life interactions,” said queer author and filmmaker Leo Herrera. “The apps are simply one tool in a huge sex arsenal that we’ve developed for hundreds of years. And...

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1. Would you be willing to share my list of proposed gender-free pronouns with your readers, listeners, and followers? I’ve enclosed a graph listing them that details how they should be used. They are very liberating.

Sorry, but I’m unwilling to share your list of new pronouns with my readers, listeners, and followers, as there are currently more than enough gendered pronouns, non-gendered pronouns, and neo-pronouns in circulation. I don’t see any point in adding more to the mx.

2. Should I get on Grindr?

“Every gay man should know how to use Grindr but we all need to remember that it’s just like any social media app: useful, addictive, toxic and it should never, ever replace real life interactions,” said queer author and filmmaker Leo Herrera. “The apps are simply one tool in a huge sex arsenal that we’ve developed for hundreds of years. And right now, gay men of all ages are walking away from the apps and embracing tradition: picking up strangers in bars and bathhouses and parks. So, before you download Grindr, learn the basics of analog cruising — traditional cruising — so you’re not dependent on Grindr.”

Leo Herrera is the author of Analog Cruising, a great resource for younger gay men who never learned how to pick someone up in person and older gay men who forgot how after the apps came along. Follow Herrera on Instagram and Threads @herreraimages.

3. How can I meet you, Dan?

 You can meet me in person — in the flesh — when I host the Part One premiere of the HUMP! 2025 Film Festival in Seattle on February 14th and 15th. I’ll also be hosting screenings in San Francisco on February 20th, 21st, and 22nd, and Berlin on April 22nd and 23rd! To find out more about the amazing films in HUMP!’s 20th anniversary season — and to get tickets to see HUMP! in a theater near you — go to humpfilmfest.com!

4. How do you get over the proverbial one who got away?

 You know what they say: “The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” And it turns out they — the proverbial they — were on to something. In a 2023 piece for The Atlantic defending rebound relationships, Faith Hill cited research done by Amy Hackney, a psychology professor at Georgia Southern University, which found that the sooner heartbroken people started dating— the sooner they got under someone new — the faster they healed from their heartbreak. So, if you haven’t already gotten under someone new, go throw yourself under someone ASAP!

5. Would you please talk about the movie Babygirl, Dan!

Writer Rebecca Woolf will be joining me on the Lovecast to talk about Babygirl, the new film starring Nicole Kidman as a powerful corporate executive who gets into a D/s relationship with a hot male subordinate. Woolf wrote a (spoiler-packed) essay about the film on her website that I can’t wait to discuss with her on my show!

6. What’s the best way to describe DP?

Two men enter, one man cleaves.

7. I fell in love with an unhappily married man in an open relationship. He ultimately decided to divorce his wife to be with me. When he told her he wanted a divorce, she told him she was three-months pregnant. They had an agreement to not have kids for the time being, given their issues. Now he says he feels stuck. This was messy before the pregnancy, and it’s extra messy now. It’s hard because I’ve never loved someone so much, and he says the same about me. I can’t imagine moving on from him. He won’t consider getting a divorce and co-parenting with her and I’m not sure why. What should I do?

You have two (legal) options: You can wait for this man to divorce his wife — a wait that will probably never end — or you can get under someone new.

8. It seems reasonable to ask… given who’s returning to the White House… that you revive your ITMFA campaign? My ITMFA buttons and t-shirts are a little tattered, and I could use a fresh stash for handing out. Please?

I raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Assistance Project selling ITMFA (“Impeach the Motherfucker Already”) buttons, t-shirts, lapel pins, and mugs after that man entered the White House in 2017. I believed at the time that impeaching him might save the country. But seeing as that motherfucker was impeached twice — and indicted dozens of times — and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference, I don’t think calling on him to be impeached a third time is going to help. We’re going to need new strategies, new candidates, and new merch.

9. Is there anyone in the Montreal area who can safely inject saline into a man’s scrotum?

Scrotal inflation is a niche kink — not many people are into it — but Quebec wouldn’t be Canada’s kinkiest province if it weren’t for the critical mass of kinksters who call Montreal home. So, I’m guessing there’s probably at least one pervert in Montreal who can safely blow your sack up to the size of a basketball. But that particular pervert isn’t in my list of contacts, which means you’ll have to find them yourself.

10. When my girlfriend eats my pussy, there’s no problem! When my husband eats my pussy, I invariably get a yeast infection. It’s actually starting to piss him off. Help!

Wait, your husband is giving you yeast infections — or his epidermal microbiome is — and he’s pissed off? Aren’t you the wronged party here? Maybe a dermatologist could help and/or maybe your husband could go down on your girlfriend a few times in the hopes that her epidermal microbiome re-seeds his. But if your husband can’t go down on you without giving you a yeast infection, then he doesn’t get to go down on you. I had a serious boyfriend who was allergic to my semen (that’s a thing) but loved facials. I couldn’t come on his face, but other guys could. And did I whine about it? Did I get pissed off? No and no. I arranged for other guys to come on his face right after I came on theirs.

11. May I ask a personal question? What is your relationship like with your husband’s boyfriend? I can only imagine that it must be complicated.

My relationship with my husband’s boyfriend is a lot less complicated than my relationship with my husband.

12. Could you please recommend a lube that doesn’t irritate vulvas/vaginas?

Some women swear by water-based lubricants, others swear by silicone-based lubricants. Water-based lubes can get tacky and need to be reapplied but are easily washed off; silicone-based lubes stay slick a lot longer and require fewer reapplications but they’re harder to wash off. Individual results/preferences vary. Women and other readers with vulvas/vaginas are invited to shout out their favorite lube brands in the comments.

13. Me and my new partner — great sex begins at 49 (and after divorce!) — do a lot of pretend breast feeding. The pretend breast feeding is intimate, erotic, matronly, and so sexy for both of us. But the guilt after sucks. How do I not feel guilty about this?

As perversions go, your kink barely registers as a kink. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy sucking on their partner’s nipples? Most of us aren’t consciously invoking (or acting out) pretend breast-feeding sessions, but on some level we’re latching onto distant sense/sensual memories. And even if this is weird, which it isn’t, who cares? You enjoy it, she enjoys it, it gets you both off, and you’re not forcing anyone to watch or participate who doesn’t want to watch or participate. And if it makes you feel better, there are far worse kinks out there. Enjoy your partner’s tits and thank your lucky stars you’re not into coprophilia or crypto.

14. What cautions should I take as a gay Dom to prevent consensual kink and pain play from being misconstrued later as abuse or assault? A sub wants to be slapped, trampled, and fat shame him. Do I need some sort of contract?

“Communication is the best caution we Doms can take,” said The Funny Dom, a kink educator, author, and content creator who lives — and dominates subs — in Australia. “Things can’t be misconstrued if they’ve been plainly and specifically discussed and planned — and safewords agreed to — before they’re carried out. But absolutely he could look at drawing up a ‘contract’ that they both read and sign, as a way of really formalizing consent, and making sure they’re literally on the same page.”

The Funny Dom and I both wanted to emphasize that slave contracts or play contracts aren’t legally binding — because of course they’re not — and your sub is free to withdraw his consent at any moment. If you keep going after he uses his safeword or tells you to stop, you will have crossed the line that separates kink play from abuse and assault.

Follow The Funny Dom on Instagram and Threads @TheFunnyDomReturns. The third installment of The Funny Dom’s Guide to Kink is out now!

15. How many times have you seen Wicked?

Just once — but I plan to see it again, the same day that Wicked: Part Two is released, because I’m only getting gayer.

16. When and how do I bring up when a stranger smells bad when meeting for a hookup?

1. Would you be willing to share my list of proposed gender-free pronouns with your readers, listeners, and followers? I’ve enclosed a graph listing them that details how they should be used. They are very liberating. Sorry, but I’m unwilling to share your list of new pronouns with my readers, listeners, and followers, as there are currently more than enough gendered pronouns, non-gendered pronouns, and neo-pronouns in cir

Want to read the rest? Subscribe now to get every question, every week, the complete Savage Love archives, special events, and much more!

 
culation. I don’t see any point in adding more to the mx. 2. Should I get on Grindr? “Every gay man should know how to use Grindr but we all need to remember that it’s just like any social media app: useful, addictive, toxic and it should never, ever replace real life interactions,” said queer author and filmmaker Leo Herrera. “The apps are simply one tool in a huge sex arsenal that we’ve developed for hundreds of years. And right now, gay men of all ages are walking away from the apps and embracing tradition: picking up strangers in bars and bathhouses and parks. So, before you download Grindr, learn the basics of analog cruising — traditional cruising — so you’re not dependent on Grindr.” Leo Herrera is the author of Analog Cruising, a great resource for younger gay men who never learned how to pick someone up in person an

Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love!

Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan!

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Vivamus dui velit, vehicula non sodales a, aliquet sit amet orci. In lorem nulla, porttitor a nibh ac, auctor sodales libero. Phasellus sit amet consectetur urna, sed congue neque. Mauris a commodo arcu, sed commodo libero. Nam vel orci sapien. Pellentesque ac magna hendrerit, efficitur purus dapibus, facilisis est. Maecenas tortor ante, lacinia eget ante vitae, aliquet interdum tortor. Suspendisse potenti. Morbi quis bibendum arcu.