Dear Readers: I’m away on my last reconnecting-with-family trip of the summer. This column originally appeared in 2018. Back with an all-new, action-packed Savage Love Quickies column next week. — Dan
I’m a professional dominatrix, and I thought I’d seen everything in the last five years. But this situation completely baffled the entire dungeon. This middle-aged guy, seemingly in fine health, booked an appointment with me and my colleague for one hour of some very light play and a golden shower to finish off with. We did no CBT, no cock rings, no trauma to the dick area at all, no ass play, no sounding or catheters, no turbulent masturbation, nothing that could have caused this reaction. We brought him into the bathroom, and he laid down on his back, jerking off with a condom on his penis as my buddy was standing over him and peeing, and I was saying all kinds of mean/encouraging sentiments and closely observing his progress. He came and… it was entirely blood. It looked like he shat into his condom, through his penis. He did not seem alarmed or in pain. He took off his condom himself, so he was aware of the situation. He did not remark on it to either of us! He made ZERO effort to prepare either of us, either. And it was not a little blood in his ejaculate—it was entirely blood. He has never returned. Is this person a monster or a vampire? Is he dying? Seriously.
Mistress Echo
P.S. I went back to the bathroom with gloves on and removed the used condom from the trash, and took a photo. It’s the only way to communicate just how much blood there was.
“You can tell Mistress Echo that her client was not a monster or a vampire, and he is likely not dying anytime soon,” said Dr. Stephen H. King, a board-certified urologist. “What she observed is a person with hematospermia, meaning blood in the semen.”
While the sight is alarming — I’ll never be able to scrape that photo off the back of my eyeballs, thanks — Dr. King assures me that it’s nothing to worry about, as hematospermia is almost always benign. And even if you had done ball play or rough CBT (cock and ball torture), or if he engaged in solo CBT prior to the session, it’s unlikely that kind of play would result in a condom full of blood.
“The vast majority of the semen actually comes from the prostate and the seminal vesicles, which are located deep in the pelvis just behind and below the bladder, respectively,” said Dr. King. “Very little of the ejaculate fluid actually originates from the testicles,” which primarily pump out hormones and sperm cells. “The prostate gland and seminal vesicles (also glands) store up the fluids and can become overdistended with long periods of abstinence, and prone toward micro tearing and bleeding in this circumstance.”
Blowing regular loads doesn’t just lower your risk for prostate cancer, as multiple studies have shown, it also lowers your risk for filling condoms with blood and alarming your friendly neighborhood pro-Dom. Two good reasons for draining those balls, guys—and other people with balls because, as the Book of Tumblr teaches us, not all guys have balls and not all balls have guys.
“Also, these glands are lined by smooth muscle that contracts to force out the fluid [during ejaculation],” Dr. King continued. “If the force of contraction is excessive—a fucking great orgasm—this may lead toward rupture of some of the surrounding blood vessels, and blood will enter the semen.”
Your client’s blasé reaction is a good indication that he’s experienced this previously, ME, because most guys who see blood in their semen — or only blood when they expected to see semen —freak the fuck out.
“In my practice, most guys who see blood in their ejaculate the first time are sufficiently freaked out to seek immediate medical attention, and their doctors usually tell them this isn’t something to worry about — unless it persists,” said Dr. King. “In cases where the hematospermia persists, gets worse, or is associated with other symptoms such as pain, difficulty urinating, or general health decline, medical attention is definitely recommended.”
Back to your client, ME: If blood loads have happened to him before (hence the blasé reaction), proper etiquette dictates that he should have said something to you about it afterward (“I’m fine, no biggie”). If it happens to him regularly, he should have warned you in advance — at least that’s what it says in my imaginary edition of Emily Post’s BDSM Etiquette.
I’m an old guy, 68 years old to be exact. (Also a Scorpio, if that matters.) I’ve always been a pretty horny person, and I had a lot of fun from the 1960s through the 1980s with a number of lovers. I figured that as I got older, my horniness would lessen, and I could think about something other than pussy. Trouble is, I don’t seem to be less horny. I find myself attracted to women in their 30s or 40s, but I wonder how I appear to them. I don’t want to make an utter fool of myself by making an unwanted advance—but the truth is, I’m still pretty hot to trot. What do I do?
Not Ready For The Nursing Home
You could see sex workers (quickest fix), you could look for women in their 30s or 40s who are attracted to guys pushing 70 (gerontophilia is a thing), you could date women in their 50s or 60s with a youthful appearance and/or attitude (there are lots out there, NRFTNH, and they often gather in groups to complain about how men their age are only interested in much younger women), or you could do all of the above. But you shouldn’t regard moving into a nursing home as the end of your sex life, NRFTNH. I’m constantly reading news reports about sexually transmitted disease epidemics in nursing homes and retirement communities. People may not like to think about the elderly having sex, and the elderly apparently don’t think about protection (or they’re denied access to it)—but lots of old fuckers are still fucking. (And, as astrology is bullshit, NRFTNH, being a Scorpio doesn’t matter. It never has and it never will.)
My partner does phone sex work. A lot of the calls are from “straight” guys who ask to be “forced” to suck cock. (We assume the forced part is because they think there’s something wrong with being gay.) We’re wondering if there is a sex-positive word we should be using to describe these guys. If not, your readers should coin one, so all of us straight dudes who love dick can take pride in our desires. Fill in the blank: “_______: a 100 percent straight guy who also loves sucking dick (and perhaps taking it in the ass).”
Cocksuckers Need Noun
The kink you describe already has a name — forced bi — and a forced bi scene usually goes something like this: A guy who would never, ever suck a cock because he’s totally straight gets down on his knees and sucks cocks on the orders of his female dominant. Since this totally straight guy sucks cock only to please a woman, there’s nothing gay and/or bi about all the cocks he puts in his mouth. It’s one very particular way in which male bisexuality is expressed — think of it as male bisexual desire after hetero fragility, gay panic, denial, religion, gender norms, and football get through kicking the shit out of it. Paradoxically, CNN, by the time a guy asks a woman to force him to suck a cock, he’s allowing himself to suck a cock and therefore no longer in denial. (And, yes, guys into forced bi are free to identify as straight — indeed, they have to keep identifying as straight, since identifying as bi would fatally undermine the transgression that makes their perfectly legitimate kink arousing.)
But what to call these guys?
Well, CNN, some people into BDSM call themselves “BDSMers.” But “forcedbi’ers” doesn’t trip quite so easily off the tongue. So, maybe we go with “cocksuckers” instead? Straight guys (and straight-identified guys) consider it an emasculating slur, which is why straight-identified men throw around to get, um, a rise out of each other. (Call an out-and-over-it gay man a cocksucker, and all you’ll get in return is a “no shit.”) But while “You’re a cocksucker” may be fighting words for a straight guy, I imagine they would be highly arousing ones for a straight-identified guy who was into forced bi.
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