The mind-boggling idiocy shown by certain representatives in the state house last week before the gay-marriage vote presented voters with this important question: Who's the biggest dipshit in this bunch? It was a tough call, but democracy has spoken—thanks to a Tournament of Dunces conducted through Slog polls—and we now have a clear answer: Representative Mark Hargrove. He represents the 47th Legislative District and he opposes marriage equality in part because of something he learned watching a Jack in the Box commercial.
Here is a portion of his testimony:
On Sunday, I was watching the Super Bowl, as many of you were, with my family, and it surprised me, but there was a very clever commercial: There's a young man comes to his mother and tells her that he's getting married. And so you see the mother light up and say, "Who is she?" And he says, "It's not a girl." And the camera just catches the mom, just for a second, and she has this crestfallen look on her face, and then it moves on to say, okay, he's marrying bacon and it's a Jack in the Box commercial and it continues on there. But that one second of the commercial is what makes the commercial effective. In that one second, a lot of people in this country, including me, recognized something—that that mom was realizing that same-sex marriage is not the same as traditional marriage. And that same-sex marriage for her son would not be the best choice for him. And that second is what was the important message. All across the country, people could recognize that.
Congratulations, sir! You are the dumbest legislator in the state! Your prize: The cover of this week's paper (suitable for framing!), a flower from a gay florist (keep it away from Representative Matt Shea!), and a bacon cheeseburger from Jack in the Box.