LE FAUX

Right?! I NEVER talk about Le Faux. Everyone knows that. And everyone also knows that I never talk about it because Le Faux is all about alleged "celebrity impersonation"—which is dudes in dresses doing things like being CHER and/or MADONNA and/or UGH!!!—and I never talk about it because INSERT GIGANTIC EYE ROLL HERE. Especially vis-à-vis the mountains of talent and avalanches of original (let me repeat that: O-RIG-I-NAL) content spewing from the brains of our dazzling new-school queens. Such as? Well, JINKX MONSOON. But it's a bright new day for old Le Faux as JINKX herself takes the stage as full-time hostess. This is sure to usher in a fresh new direction for the old drag show—and may be a serious kick in the balls for the competition. Like, um, Bacon Strip. (Sorry, girl!) Let's go see how magically new it all is with Jinkx at the helm... Julia's on Broadway, 10 pm, $25–$50, 21+.

KATHY GRIFFIN VS. BACON STRIP'S BIRTHDAY

I'm duty bound by the gods of faggotry or something to tell you that Kathy Griffin is in town tonight doing some foul-mouthed, fake-redheaded, and deeply irritating Kathy Griffin–ish thing. So. You know. You could go to that and heckle her for me, because that'd be a hoot! OR. You could save yourself from a nails-on-chalkboard-style migraine and roughly infinity-zillion dollars ($72 to listen to Kathy Griffin's drill-like voice for 90 minutes? I'd rather burn that money and take dental tools to my genitals, thank you) and immerse yourself in the bacony birthday glory of Bacon Strip's 6-year anniversary party instead. From its baby-step beginnings bouncing between bars and shuffling acts to a seamless spectacle of top-shelf monthly cabaret, the Strip has grown to be my bestest and most beloved don't-miss monthly thing. So you're faced with a decision: You can wish Bacon Strip a happy birthday—or you can boot Kathy Griffith in the mouth as a thoughtful birthday gift instead. Your choice. (Srsly: It's TOTES what Bacon Strip wanted. I read her diary.) We'd both be very appreciative. Kathy Griffin: The Paramount, 8 pm, $42.50–$72.50; Bacon Strip: Re-bar, 10 pm, $5–$7, 21+.