BUMPING IN THE NIGHT
Happiest of Halloweens, my darling 'mos! As you know damn good and well, it's my most favoritest time to be queer. The big gay noise this year is, of course, Bump, our annual, hard-partying gay Halloween tradition that's older than Mark Finley's falsies. Back in the old days, the event was held on the waterfront, and free shuttles ran back and forth between the gay bars on the Hill and the venue. Imagine! That doesn't happen anymore (THANKS, OBAMA), but fortunately, it doesn't need to: This year, the event is conveniently located at Neighbours, which has proved to be the hottest place to party, har-har. (Yes, that was an arson joke. Sue me.) If you didn't know, it's a fundraiser, too, and the moola goes to the health organization Gay City, a cause near and dear to my black little heart. Best costume wins $1,000, so no slacking! And most wondrous of all? The infamous Lady Bunny from NYC is cohosting with our own drag darling BenDeLaCreme! Neighbours, 9 pm, $30 adv/$40 DOS, 21+.
PONY TAKES ON THE WOO
Every gay bar worth its salted margarita rims will be going off like a flaming five-alarm fire tonight (no, that was not another arson joke, calm your tits), and I certainly find it's best to bounce around. A great first (and also last) stop will definitely be Pony—everyone's favorite little gay bar takes this unholy holiday quite seriously indeed. This year, they are responding to the ever-advancing invasion of "woo girls" on the Hill (you know, sloppy drunk bachelorette bimbos always hollering "WOOOOO!" at each other—terrifying!) with an inspired theme: A Bachelorette Party and Baby Shower Massacre! (Sick fuckers. I just love it.) K-Kost, Queen Mookie, and Mister Sister are spinning, and you are encouraged to "dress to traumatize." Pony, 8 pm, $10/$5 in costume, 21+.
FEATURE YOUR CREATURE
Our next stop is the dance floor of the Cuff for the fabulous spinnings of DJ Disco Vinnie! The theme is "Creature Feature," and they're giving away big monies for the best costumes, too. The Cuff is always a visual spectacle on Halloween, and this year they're even transforming their cruisey old deck into an old-timey drive-in for all your making-out needs, you big slut. With performances by Isabella Extynn St. James. The Cuff, 10 pm–3 am, $10, 21+.