Bumbershoot 2000 is going to be a lot like the 29 previous Bumbershoots--big, stinky, debilitating, and downright beautiful. In preparation for this year's behemoth event, our crack team of writers, editors, and deliciously sordid Bumbershoot scientists have spent the past three weeks getting truly, madly, shittily intoxicated on the very thought of the festival, as well as the luminous array of talent that it promises to umbrella. In doing so, we've come up with over 5,000 words of scintillating blurb-text to aid you in the exhaustive selection and elimination process that every Bumbershoot attendee must labor through. Savage Garden or Freakwater? Sally Timms or Magnetic Fields? Sister Spit or Salmon Rights? The Stranger Bumbershoot Guide 2000: We fall in love with it and then describe it. All you have to do is take our word for it.





CATHETERS--Once infamous for being among the youngest bands in Seattle (at least one member is still too young to vote), the Catheters have matured into an impressive, '60s-influenced rock band that boasts plenty of charisma in its glamour-puss lineup. It's those looks and moves that have no doubt helped the Catheters become one of the most hotly pursued local bands: All sorts of major-label interests are wrestling to get their hands on them. They may be just out of school, but be sure to see them before they get too cool for it altogether. BumberClub, 2:30-3:15 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

DJ WESLEY HOLMES--Holmes spent two years as the reigning king of queens at ARO.space's once-fabulous gay house bacchanalia Snackbar. He's recently been working his own weekly event (alongside fellow house hero Brian Lyons) at the OK Hotel. The show is an unqualified success, despite the unlikely location, a testament to Holmes' gift for building a loyal fan base. A brief BumberClub set of tasty deep-dish house should make it clear to newbies and old fans alike why he's still in the business. BumberClub, 8:15-9:30 pm. LEAH GREENBLATT

PEDRO THE LION--The BumberClub should be an appropriately sized venue for the thick but gentle indie-rock plaint of Pedro the Lion. If you've heard them recorded but have never seen them live, you may find them a bit more rustic than you imagined. But don't let that deter you from attending the show--you will no doubt still appreciate their fine melodies and smart, forthright lyrics. BumberClub, 3:45-4:45 pm. JEFF DeROCHE

JONATHAN RICHMAN--Distinguished as one of the punk/new wave era's strongest influences for heading up the legendary Modern Lovers, Richman now plays bitingly comical troubadour. Those less familiar with Richman as a singer may recognize him from his stint as the omnipresent minstrel in There's Something About Mary. Tesoro Bumbrella Stage, 8:30-10 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON



SISTER SPIT--Last year's performance of San Francisco girl troupe Sister Spit packed out the literary stage. This year, Sini Anderson, Michelle Tea, Marci Blackman, and Beth Lisick reprise their brazen, art-smart performance. Michelle Tea has gained critical renown recently for her second novel, Valencia--the story of a young dyke living off the streets. Lisick, whose band, the Beth Lisick Ordeal, combines spoken word and hip vibes, writes stories that are inner-lit personal dioramas. Together, they will rock with monologues. Starbucks Literary Stage, 3-4:15 pm. TRACI VOGEL


Visual Arts

EMOTIONAL RESCUE: THE CONTEMPORARYARTPROJECT COLLECTION--Emotional Rescue is the first exhibition of the work collected by the ContemporaryArtProject, which functions as a kind of art pool for people too busy (or confused) to buy their own works. Run by former gallery owner Linda Farris, CAP has brought some top-notch contemporary art to Seattle. This exhibition of emotionally and sexually charged art includes work by such enticing artists as Lisa Yuskavage (painter of improbably busty blondes), Cecily Brown, and Kim Dingle, and if you want to know what's going on in contemporary art right now, see this show. Fidalgo Room, daily noon-8 pm. EMILY HALL

THE MAGIC BULL--Need a break from the line-standing, crowd-milling, heat-sweltering Bumbercrud? Why not spend a refreshing half hour watching a gyrating tin man made entirely of Red Bull cans? Created by Clair Colquitt and stationed just outside the BumberClub entrance, the Magic Bull (that's the gyrating tin man's name!) will entertain crowds for the duration of the festival with his "gyro-motion hiphop," which compels him to "get jiggy with it." Recommended! Flag Plaza, daily. DAVID SCHMADER





BATTLE OF BUMBERSHOOT--Those who think DJ-ing is all passive beatmongering and lazy wrist flicks should be astounded by the mind-boggling finger gymnastics on display at this first-time-ever festival event. Co-sponsors International Turntablist Federation will bring together what they believe to be the best in turntable talent culled from the verdant musical pastures of Oregon, British Columbia, Idaho, and, of course, Washington. Following preliminaries held August 13 at Sit & Spin, eight finalists will go on to the deciding battle to compete for the official Bumbershoot title as well as a number of "fabulous prizes," including $1,500 worth of gear from Guitar Center. BumberClub, 8-11 pm. LEAH GREENBLATT

BIG STAR--Big Star's influence on modern rock has been well documented over the years by critics and musicians alike, but it was the Replacements' Paul Westerberg who best honored this band's lasting legacy with these wonderful lyrics: "Children by the millions wait for Alex Chilton to come around." It's largely due to Chilton's songwriting savvy that the trilogy of records Big Star released in the '70s has become a textbook example of everything that can and should be accomplished within the three-minute power/pop song. And with the superb backing of Jon Auer and Ken Stringfellow of the Posies, these songs (especially "Feel") sound better, and more relevant, than ever. KeyArena, 2-3:15 pm. RICK LEVIN

COMMON--Eschewing the East Coast/West Coast trip entirely, the Midwestern Common sticks to hiphop's strongest basics: smooth lyrical flow and hazy, lazy, sweet-rolling beats, tinkling piano samples, and live brass. His last record, Like Water for Chocolate (produced in part by D'Angelo and the Roots' ?uestlove), reflects a maturing artist, and though he may tend to lean on old-school shout-outs and hiphop nostalgia in live shows, he still beats the hell out of most nu-skool jams. KeyArena 5:30-6:45 pm. LEAH GREENBLATT

IRIS DEMENT--It's no wonder John Prine loves Iris DeMent: She's a talented songwriter with genuine things to say, and like Prine, she plays far outside the country-folk box. Sadly, neither of the two gets any radio play. With her soaring, Appalachian-tinged voice and insightful, personal songs, DeMent captures the texture of real life--and the tangle of relationships, tradition, and beliefs that complicate it. Her song "No Time to Cry" (from 1994's My Life, about her father's death and her busy life) is four minutes of stoic heartbreak with the lyrical precision of Raymond Carver. Northwest Airlines Blues Stage, 1:45-3 pm. NATE LIPPENS

FREAKWATER--Over the course of six albums, Catherine Irwin and Janet Beveridge Bean have made bare-boned, back-porch country songs about death and strife, with off-kilter harmonies that recall the Carter Family. But they're not a novelty act or a nostalgia trip. They're modern women with punk rock pasts and insightful, biting lyrics. With last year's End Time, they expanded their Smithsonian Folkways sound, adding a full drum kit and a string section for songs that bring to mind the '70s golden age of Emmylou Harris and Gram Parsons. Tesoro Bumbrella Stage, 3:30-4:45 pm. NATE LIPPENS

JOHN WESLEY HARDING--"Who knows where we went wrong, Don Quixote or Donkey Kong?" is the typical kind of witty pondering singer/songwriter John Wesley Harding is loved for. His following may be small compared to that of the behemoth, talentless mainstream, but English expat Harding is worthy of the largest crowd Bumbershoot can pack in. PCC Northwest Court, 7:45-9 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

JOVINO SANTOS NETO QUINTETO--Seattle is a big city, but not so big that it shouldn't be an honor to have Jovino Santos Neto choosing to live here over any other place in the world. The Brazilian flautist and pianist is such a strong player and tireless collaborator that his mere presence here raises the bar for the rest of Seattle's jazz community. Bumbershoot is a great example of this. Not only will he be appearing with his quintet, but he'll also team up once again with vibraphonist Ben Thomas' group. At a relatively jazz-light Bumbershoot, look to Neto to spank some life into the festival. Kendall-Jackson Music Hall, 7:30-8:30 pm. NATHAN THORNBURGH

MAGNETIC FIELDS--Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs is a three-CD collection of deliciously idiosyncratic music that is as touchingly sincere as it is wildly off-kilter. Stephin Merritt (who is Magnetic Fields) seems to embrace the entire history of popular music (from Broadway musicals to Morrissey) and make it uniquely his own: Each smart composition is a universe unto itself, and the lyrics, prone to sudden departures and swift digressions, have the power to shock you into laughter and heartbreak--often at the very same instant. On stage, the orchestration is boiled down to five or six key instruments, and the ramshackle reconfigurations often lead to song versions far more beautiful than their recorded counterparts (while some numbers take on a talent show aspect). Opera House, 4:30-6 pm. RICK LEVIN

THE MONKEYWRENCH--As the on-again, off-again project of such Northwest illuminati as Mudhoney's Mark Arm and Steve Turner, Gas Huffer's Tom Price, Australian drummer Martin Bland, and Austin's Tim Kerr, the Monkeywrench have recorded only two albums: 1992's Clean as a Broke-Dick Dog and this year's Electric Children. From Broke-Dick's brilliant alcoholic reinterpretation of old blues standby "Bottle Up and Go" to the poppy garage rock of their latest album, the Monkeywrench offer a sublime blues-punk blend of Northwest irony and raw talent. See 'em live, and just try to maintain the motionless concert-goer stance Seattleites are so fond of. BumberClub, 2:30-3:15 pm. MELODY MOSS

ELLIOTT SMITH--Smith's latest album, Figure 8, is a deeply beautiful collection of songs combining elaborate orchestration with bittersweet harmonies and just the right amount of guitar crunch. Many of Smith's songs (especially "Somebody That I Used to Know" and "Color Bars") sound as though they were conceived somewhere between sides one and two of The White Album, with a little Pet Sounds-era Beach Boys thrown in for good measure. Comparisons, though, don't do justice to this guy's stunning talents--he's created one of the most unique and compelling bodies of work in modern music. And, as his most recent visits to Seattle have shown, Smith is both a highly focused and refreshingly generous performer. Not to be missed. KeyArena, 8:30-9:45 pm. RICK LEVIN

SOURCE OF LABOR--Source of Labor (which is part of the most important underground hiphop movement in our city, Jasiri Media Group) operates much like a cultural factory that intakes the economic, climatic, and architectural materials of Seattle and converts them into hiphop products. True, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Kid Sensation, and other local hiphop outfits have done this in the past, but never with the same complexity and intensity as Source of Labor. Indeed, Source of Labor's music, which is jazzy and smooth, is committed to recording, preserving, and detailing a black experience of this strange "sunshower" city in the middle of nowhere. Rhythm Stage, 2-3:15 pm. CHARLES MUDEDE

SALLY TIMMS--Mekons chanteuse Sally Timms is a honky-tonk angel with the mouth of a sailor. Her singing is transporting, and her stage spiel is hilarious. Last year she put out a superb solo album, Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments, for Bloodshot Records, drawing on Chicago pals like the Handsome Family, Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, and Robbie Fulks. Timms and fellow Mekon Jon Langford played a wonderful show at the Tractor recently, highlighting material off their collaboration "Songs of False Hope and High Values," a limited-edition EP that includes covers of Dolly Parton's "Down from Dover" and the classic "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain." PCC Northwest Court, 4:45-5:45 pm. NATE LIPPENS



THE TYPING EXPLOSION--Playing off themes of feminism and the machine, Sarah, Sierra, and Rachel of the Typing Explosion create art theoretically and physically. Hand them a subject or a first line, and watch their carefully orchestrated assembly line churn out poetry--all for just a buck. It's fun, it's smart, and it's interactive. Festival Grounds, Sat-Mon 3-5:30 pm. TRACI VOGEL



YEEEEAH BABY!--Two pistons are at work in this small vehicle: One, it is about sex. Two, it features a short by the amazing Danny Plotnick, a San Francisco Super-8 filmmaker who actually doesn't necessarily want to make big-budget features! In the decade he has been working, he has churned out a ton of work--some hilarious, some not, but all of it pure of heart. Here, he offers us a meditation on cinema history masquerading as a tawdry suburban swingers drama--now doesn't that sound nice? Intiman Theater, 8-8:45 pm. JAMIE HOOK

YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY!--Of the three shorts included in this program, only Weeki Wachee Girls is truly promising, for several reasons: First, I am obsessed with the Living Mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs in Florida. Any period movie (it's set in the '70s) that stars teens who dream of becoming Weeki Wachee girls is touching my pathos button. And second, I read something about this film in The Independent, and it sounded good. The other two films might be great, too. One is about a slumber party that witnesses a murder; the other is about a girl with a bald spot. Intiman Theater, 3-3:45 pm. JAMIE HOOK


Dance and Theater

CRISPIN SPAETH DANCE GROUP--Crispin Spaeth's work is lithe and spiky, prone to staccato movements that would be called spastic if they weren't so seamlessly integrated into a fluid whole. Her new work, Engine Anthem: Part I, explores American ingenuity; the title suggests an emphasis on mechanical creation--appropriate for a troupe that exudes the ferocious dynamism of an internal combustion motor. Bagley Wright Theatre, Sat 3-4 pm; Sun 7:45-8:30 pm. BRET FETZER

D-9 DANCE COLLECTIVE--Unlike most choreographer-driven dance troupes, D-9 is a group of dancers who commission work from varied choreographers to suit themselves and what they want to explore. While their performances may lack stylistic cohesion, they more than make up for it with a sense of independence and acute personal commitment from each individual dancer. Their show will be a mix of old favorites and new surprises. Bagley Wright Theatre, Sat 2:30-3 pm; Mon 6:30-7:15 pm. BRET FETZER

LEGENDRE PERFORMANCE--"Choreography" doesn't quite encompass Amii LeGendre's mix of dance, dialogue, and theatrical elements; at its best, this fusion allows her to investigate topics like gender identity with a roundedness unusual in dance. Her work often has a swagger to it, a forthright muscularity that demands attention. Her latest piece, called Molt, is set to the music of Japanese pop composer Ryuichi Sakomoto. Bumbershoot will be its premiere. Bagley Wright Theatre, Sat 2:15-2:30 pm; Sun 2:30-2:45 pm. BRET FETZER





CARRIE AKRE--Formerly the lead singer for Seattle bands Hammerbox and Goodness, Akre has stepped out on her own with a new solo album, Home (released on her independent label Good-Ink Records). While the songs on this album delve, sometimes unsuccessfully, into a variety of forms and genres, the glue that holds the whole thing together is Akre's amazingly powerful voice, which she utilizes perfectly--with the years, she has learned strength through subtlety, a graceful restraint that makes her vocal delivery all the more powerful. And when she wants to, she can blow the roof off any venue in town. BumberClub, 1:15-2 pm. RICK LEVIN

ALIEN CRIME SYNDICATE--I've said it before, I'll say it again: You can try to kill it by bringing your instrumentals, your loud and soft/hard and quiet, your beats, your shoegazery, your twee. But time has proven that Seattle, no matter how unfashionable it may seem to the rest of the world, loves its rock and roll. Alien Crime Syndicate is rock and roll. Joe Miece (former frontman of the Mieces) is rock and roll. A band that brings in a generator to power a flashbulb-bright light sculpture of their name is--say it loud, say it proud--ROCK AND ROLL. BumberClub, 2:30-3:30 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

ANI DIFRANCO--If you're not a card-carrying member of the Cult of Ani, you'd best stand back against the far wall at this one. With something like 20 records released on her own Righteous Babe imprint in the past 10 years, she is, love her or hate her, an undeniable force of nature. They even stuck her on CNBC recently to talk about her business acumen and profit margins. Some people can't stand her sociopolitical grandstanding and the unfortunate cat-in-heat yowl her vocals can sometimes affect, but there are dedicated legions of appropriately righteous coeds who live for her astute ruminations on personal relationships and highly sing-alongable acoustic rants and raves. Real.com Mainstage, 8:45-10:15 pm. LEAH GREENBLATT

KEN STRINGFELLOW AND JON AUER--At a time (the early '90s) when most Seattle bands were adopting the sound of a band saw cutting through galvanized tin, the Posies dared to create mellifluous pop songs buoyed by ebullience, innocence, and harmonies so dazzling they made your head spin. A not-often-remarked-upon aspect of frontmen Auer and Stringfellow's talents is that they are also fantastic guitar players. To see them standing side by side on stage, trading songs and licks and bad jokes, is a treat you would be foolish to pass up. PCC Northwest Court, 6-7:15 pm. RICK LEVIN

MURDER CITY DEVILS--No band in Seattle offers more natural star power than this testosterone-dripping six-piece, which includes a dark-haired vixen capable of cutting down any man with a single, piercing stare. Dishing out cool, fuck-you attitude is what the MCD do better than anyone else... if you want brash, unflinching rock and roll, look no further. BumberClub, Sun 5:15-6:15 pm; Real.com Mainstage, Mon 12:30-1:30 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

OLIVER MTUKUDZI AND BLACK SPIRITS--This man has the saddest voice in Zimbabwe. My aunt, who was also on the sad side of things, loved him because his gruff voice just broke her heart. He does, however, have a lively side, and this usually comes out on the stage, where he is a conscious entertainer. But his best songs, like "Seiko (Why God Did This Happen to Me)," are really meant for the lonely hours; those moments when one is drinking beers as if they were rivers of sorrow, as the expression goes. Rhythm Stage, 7:15-8:45 pm. CHARLES MUDEDE

COMPAY SEGUNDO--Several years into his reinvigorated career, Compay Segundo is still older, drunker, and smoother than the competition. Of all the Buena Vista Social Club members, Compay was the only one who was actually a household name in Cuba before the film, and his stage presence beams with a deep charisma that one has to imagine would come from being a headliner for over 70 years. His only concession to age these days is that he'll never quite stretch out his baritone voice. Still, Compay's timing is just perfect enough to flesh out his humid ballads and remind you that it's not the size of the voice that counts, but rather, how you use it. Opera House, 9:30-11 pm. NATHAN THORNBURGH

SLEATER-KINNEY--It's been a weird year for the world's greatest rock 'n' roll band. While The New York Times canonizes the group for saving the musical universe, local scenesters grumble about hype and dumb luck, and the release of the very-good-not-great All Hands on the Bad One sparks a fourth-album backlash of Lifes Rich Pageant proportions (an indignity spared the second-best band ever to come from these parts, whose leader was canny enough to end it all after record number three). But these and most other concerns vanish when Sleater-Kinney work their unprecedented alchemy onstage. Go--and take your 11-year-old, Britney Spears-loving niece. KeyArena, 5:15-6:30 pm. DAVID SCHMADER



JIM CARROLL--Carroll's pair of memoirs about his wild, strung-out adolescence on the streets of New York--The Basketball Diaries and Forces Entries (which is even better than the first)--still rank as two of the most innovative, honest, and well-written accounts of what it felt like to be a young and restless boho making time in the post-'60s wasteland. The man is a superb storyteller, and this spoken-word performance, in which Carroll will "share his philosophical musings, anecdotes, and poetry," should prove the perfect antidote to Bumbershoot's more weak-willed and grab-assy literary fare. Bagley Wright Theatre, 5-6 pm. RICK LEVIN

PRISON WRITING PROGRAM--Robert Gordon's new book, The Funhouse Mirror: Reflections on Prison, documents his personal experiences teaching writing to inmates. ("In this book," says Barry Lopez, "we get a strong whiff of the fear, degradation, and violence that characterize daily life inside these institutions.") Gordon, along with his former students T. J Granack and Michael Collins, hosts this discussion on the state of our prisons and the importance of granting prisoners some form of creative outlet. Starbucks Literary Stage, 4:30-5:30 pm. RICK LEVIN



FER CHRISSAKES!--I don't need to tell you that cinema is a religion. So this show is a natural: three shorts about everyone's favorite man on a cross and his attendant religion. The show includes the standout local short of 2000, Serge Gregory's Christmas (which has shown at SIFF, the Bellevue Art Museum, and the Little Theatre). Delicate, deeply felt, and poetically simple, it is a great short, like a sip of spring water. Also, this program includes the short King of the Jews, by the always stunning experimental filmmaker Jay Rosenblatt, who just had The New York Times blow smoke up his ass in a recent Sunday edition!! Suck on that, Seattle!! Intiman Theater, noon-12:45 pm. JAMIE HOOK



ERIC BOGOSIAN--Eric Bogosian has served as one of the Grand Poobahs of the American performance art scene for over a decade now, and here's the perfect chance to commemorate his reign (or do some catching up, if need be). Entitled "The Worst of Eric Bogosian," tonight's show draws from the writer/performer's three Obie-winning, male-experience-exploring solo pieces: "Drinking in America," "Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll," and "Pounding Nails in the Floor with My Forehead." (If you must miss this show, console yourself with Bogosian's reading from his forthcoming book, Mall, Sunday evening from 7:15-8 pm on the Interview Stage.) Opera House, 4:30-5:45 pm. DAVID SCHMADER





ABDULLAH IBRAHIM TRIO--South African pianist Abdullah Ibrahim's biographical information alone could fill volumes: He's been through three name changes, lived in three different corners of the world, and was among the pioneers of the still-vital South African jazz tradition. However, it's his playing, not his history, that makes him and his trio the best jazz act at Bumbershoot. Those who appreciate the expansiveness of Gonzalo Rubalcaba's performances may find some of the same elements in Ibrahim. But Ibrahim is unique in his amazing ability to create his own self-contained continents of sound. Opera House, 7:30-9 pm. NATHAN THORNBURGH

COHAN-SHANGROW DUO--In a show entitled "Joy of Baroque," seasoned pros George Shangrow (harpsichord) and Jeffrey Cohan (flute) demonstrate they've got chops to spare, this time tackling numbers by J. S. Bach, Phillip Emmanuel, and Frederick II of Prussia. A previous Bumbershoot outing had the two playing a set of modern compositions with infectious spirit and playfulness (infectious to all but the one old dork snoring in the back of the room). This time they're hitting tried-and-true stuff, so if you've ever wanted to gamble on some classical, check this one out and go for baroque (yeesh, who farted?). Kendall-Jackson Music Hall, 3-4 pm. SCOTT McGEATH

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE--This Bellingham band has received buckets of well-deserved critical acclaim over the past year, and the attention they've garnered is unsurprising: Not only do they write sweet, gorgeous pop songs, but their lyrics form complete sentences! (Good complete sentences at that.) If you haven't seen them, you should, because they're not going to be just some Bellingham band for very much longer. In fact, they already aren't. BumberClub, 3:45-4:45 pm. JEFF DeROCHE

DAVID GRAY--Thirty-year-old Gray is no overnight success; having put out four albums in the U.K. (and toured with the likes of Radiohead), this Manchester-born, Wales-bred folkster has finally found an American home on Dave Matthews' fledgling label. Lazy comparisons lean toward Bob Dylan and Van Morrison, and Gray's searching, emotionally ragged lyrics are certainly astute enough to stand with the big boys. Unlike his predecessors, however, he adds synthesizers and other un-folky instruments to many compositions, adding an elusive modernity to their timeless appeal. Rhythm Stage, 9-10:15 pm. LEAH GREENBLATT

KRISTIN HERSH--If you've never heard the multitude of tricky, brilliant songs Kristin Hersh has written over the past couple decades, that's all the more reason to see her live. Though her caustic art-rock beginnings with Throwing Muses overshadow her more twangy (still great) solo ventures, Hersh remains one of the most astonishing performers in underground music. And she never, ever disappoints. PCC Northwest Court, 7-8:15 pm. JEFF DeROCHE

JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS--Joan Jett live is nothing short of spectacular: a raunchy, sneering, leather-clad bundle of female power, with so much stage presence it seems like she must have been born in front of a live audience. Her ongoing metamorphosis--from member of '70s girl band the Runaways to '80s power-rock icon to mentor of '90s riot grrrls to the X-rated dyke mistress of 1999's Fetish--has only proven her resilience and versatility. But will someone please tell her that her old Nikki Sixx look kicked ass over the new Susan Powter 'do? KeyArena, 7:45-9 pm. MELODY MOSS

MARC RIBOT Y LOS CUBANOS POSTIZOS--Guitarist Marc Ribot's latest incarnation as a hip interpreter of classic Afro-Cuban music could have pissed a lot of people off. His interest in traditional son music could have been faddish. His treatments of Arsenio Rodriguez classics could have been marred by superficial hipsterism. But in reality, Ribot has begun a somewhat beautiful endeavor--his thick, buzzing guitar switches from melody to montuno with impunity, finding an unexpectedly sparse warmth at the heart of Cuban classics. As their name says, Ribot and his group are "false Cubans," but they succeed precisely because they transcend mere imitation. Rhythm Stage, 3-4:30 pm. NATHAN THORNBURGH

MODEST MOUSE--Highly inventive and cinematic, this Issaquah trio boasts one of (if not THE) best lyricists in the country. Isaac Brock twists traditional songwriting on its ear, creating lyrics that, like Modest Mouse's songs, weave into and fold over upon each other before finding resolution in bold, magisterial finishes. KeyArena, 4:30-5:45 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

MOTÖRHEAD--Motörhead's hirsute frontman, Lemmy, has become one of the reigning icons of brutalizing, blistering, fast, loud, and lewd rock and roll. His guidance in the realm of locomotive speed metal, and everything for which it should unrepentantly stand, has paved the way for such fine local practitioners of the art as the Supersuckers (sure to be in drunken attendance at this dangerous event). "Ace of Spades" is one of the coolest fucking songs, ever. You don't need any more reasons to risk body and soul by hauling yourself to this bloody and beautiful performance. Real.com Mainstage, 2-3:15 pm. RICK LEVIN

QUASI--Like baking chocolate to the kitchen-ignorant (what looks and smells like sweet, dreamy candy in fact disguises a bitter hunk of disappointment): so describes Quasi, the Portland duo whose confectionery pop tunes are wrapped around tooth-shattering chunks of heartache and chagrin. BumberClub, 5:15-6:15 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON



MARK LINDQUIST--Author/Pierce County Deputy Prosecutor Mark Lindquist is very proud of his "insightful" coming-of-(middle)-age novel, Never Mind Nirvana. However, because it's centered around Seattle's post-grunge music community and uses actual living people as characters--often placing them in situations that never occurred--Lindquist has managed to raise the ire of that very community, making himself a minor pariah in his own milieu. Outsiders have found the book to be an enjoyable read, if you trust critics from The Washington Post, Dallas Morning News, and The New York Times, but many locals say it's nothing more than annoying. Decide for yourself which opinion holds more validity when Lindquist reads aloud from his tome. Starbucks Literary Stage, Mon 3:45-5 pm. KATHLEEN WILSON

DAVID SHIELDS--Shields' latest book, Black Planet: Facing Race During an NBA Season, is a groundbreaking work of sports reportage; part intimate journal, part highbrow investigation of racial themes (overt and subterranean) manifested in and around professional hoops, the book documents the Seattle SuperSonics' tumultuous 1994-94 season through the lens of Shield's hyper-alert spectatorship. The results are unnerving, intriguing, hilarious, and oddly touching. The author's keen intelligence and sensitivity to racial content (and his obvious love of the game) work to deconstruct the game's tangle of emotional, symbolic, and linguistic meanings. Starbucks Literary Stage, 3:45-5 pm. RICK LEVIN



SANDRA BERNHARD--Engrossing, incisive, explosively provocative (and that's just her lips), no one eviscerates American pop culture with as much style and humor as Sandra Bernhard. Dipping deep into our guiltiest pleasures, the ever-irascible ingenue scorches a path through fashion, fortune, shopping, and fucking, all tied together with kitschy musical numbers and an occasional dead hooker joke. There will be a Q&A session after the show (3:30-4:15 pm at the Interview Stage), so think up a clever question and you might get those infamous lips flapping in your direction. Just watch out for the tongue. KeyArena, 1-2:15 pm. ADRIAN RYAN