Home of the $100,000 Whopper -- steve@thestranger.com.THURSDAY, AUGUST 59:00 DSC Electric Hands: A documentary that's either about how the human touch can heal the sick, or those who shock the shit out of people after shufflamesing their feet on the carpet.

12:35 7 Craig Kilborn: Tonight's guest: the not-so-dead-after-all Heather Donahue from The Blair Witch Project.FRIDAY, AUGUST 68:00 11 Scared Straight: 20 Years Later: A terrific potty-mouth documentary about the kids who came out of the Scared Straight program. Recommended!

10:30 TNT Jackie Chan-a-Thon!: Three Jackie Chan kung-fu classics in a row, including Dragons Forever (1988), Heart of Dragon (1985), and Wheels on Meals (1984).SATURDAY, AUGUST 79:00 USA Happy Hour: Tonight's guests on this surprisingly entertaining celebrity karaoke show: Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson and The Exorcist's Linda Blair!

10:30 TNT Movie: Planet of the Apes (1968). NRA chairman Charlton Heston is forced to turn over his rifle to a damn stinking ape.SUNDAY, AUGUST 88:00 5 You Asked for It: Tonight's requests include the collapse of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, and a bear riding a bicycle and drinking a Coke.MONDAY, AUGUST 99:00 13 Ally McBeal: Three things we're tired of seeing: Ally's long tongue, co-ed bathrooms, and Vonda Shepard.

10:00 TBS The Chimp Channel: Monkeys telling jokes and dressed in funny clothing-with NO Iced Fawking Coffees!TUESDAY, AUGUST 108:00 13 Guinness World Records: Tonight a man tries to set the world record for holding 574 little smoked sausages in his armpit.

8:00 AMC Movie: The Omega Man (1971). Charlton Heston uses the excuse of being the last man on earth to score chicks.WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 118:00 22 Dawson's Creek: Once again Dawson makes smart-ass comments, and once again his parents neglect to slap the shit out of him.

10:30 COM The Man Show: Tonight: shotgunning beers, making the perfect sandwich, and hints for discreet scratching.

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