Youre absolutely a villain if you want to dismantle a bridge so that you can play with your $500 million yacht.
You’re absolutely a villain if you want to dismantle a bridge so that you can play with your $500 million yacht. Robin Verhoef/Getty

A brief update on bills in the state Legislature that are no longer with us today: HB 1904, which would require landlords to give renters six months’ notices of rent increases of 7.5% or more, died at the cutoff. As did HB 1782 a.k.a. the “missing middle” housing legislation, which would have allowed greater density near bus and train lines. A moment of silence for both of these bills, please. Now read my colleague Rich Smith’s more comprehensive look at the state of legislation in Olympia:

Comrades, I will see you at the Jeff Bezos superyacht egging in Rotterdam this summer: What could be more satisfying than throwing eggs at a ridiculously excessive water vessel owned by a douchebag as it sails through your city to reach open waters? Apparently 5,000 people agree with me, as they have signed up to do just that following news that Bezos’s dumb $500 million boat would require the dismantling of the Koningshavenbrug/De Hef bridge to get to sea. Protest organizer Pablo Strörmann said the joke protest is “getting way out of hand.”

You can cry over this spilled milk: Yesterday, a semi-truck carrying milk rolled over and spilled its cargo all over State Route 507 near Spanaway, reports KOMO. No one was injured, but 50 gallons of milk were wasted.

The future is looking even more bleak: According to a new report issued by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration alongside other federal agencies, the United States’ coastline “will see sea levels rise in the next 30 years by as much as they did in the entire 20th century,” reports AP. Meaning places like Louisiana and Texas could see a foot-and-a-half more water as the East Coast gets regular flooding.

I’m CRAVING spaghetti for dinner, so I think I’ll just pop over to Rome: I genuinely wish we all had the financial freedom to go to Italy for three days just ‘cuz, or make so much money that we could quit our jobs and still manage to pay the mortgage on our 800-sq foot Queen Anne townhouse. Anyway, the New York Times included a Seattle resident in an article on house buying during the pandemic, and she’s getting flamed. Yes, it’s out of touch, and, yes, the section IS called “The Cost of Being House Poor.”

Wanna be my metamate? Facebook Meta is about to make polyamorous folk big mad with the introduction of new corporate lingo that would have their workers “first prioritize Meta, followed by a person’s team (metamates), followed by the individual (me),” reports WaPo.

On Monday morning, a gunman came inside the office of Louisville mayoral candidate Craig Greenberg and attempted to assassinate the politician. However, Greenberg managed to come out relatively unscathed as the bullets only grazed his clothing. Now police have apprehended a suspect by the name of Quintez Brown, who is apparently a “well known” activist in the area. Community leaders are “shocked” and are still “struggling to make sense” of the situation.

President Biden orders National Archives to fork over the White House visitor logs to the Jan. 6 House committee: Former President Donald Trump had tried to claim that the logs were under “executive privilege” as part of his strategy to withhold as much information as possible from the committee. The New York Times says it’s “unclear” how extensive or complete these records are.

Scientists may have possibly cured a woman of HIV for the first time: Using a “cutting-edge stem cell transplant” the woman is now “asymptomatic and healthy” and does not have to take her HIV medication, reports NBC News. She joins three men who have been “cured, or very like cured, of HIV” by scientists in the past several years.

A huge fire engulfs a former elementary school in SeaTac: At around 11:30 pm, a blaze was reported at what used to be Maywood Elementary School, reports KIRO. Initially, crews were fighting the fire from the inside, but had to leave the building and attack the blaze from the outside due to safety concerns. Apparently, the building has “foam insulation in the ceiling that is melting and starting more fires.” No injuries have been reported and this story is still developing.

A “babushka battalion” in Ukraine? It sounds cool, until you learn that these grannies and other Ukrainian citizens are being trained by the far-right movement Azov, reports Al-Jazeera. Can we please just avoid war so that everyone can stay home?

Give your new neighbors a warm welcome: Over the past six months, the Port of Seattle has processed around 3,000 Afghan refugees with another 500 more expected to come through in the next week. KING 5 reports that State Refugee Coordinator Sarah Peterson said Washington is working with federal agencies to “expand the state’s capacity” to get the refugees “housing, employment services and other types of assistance.” If you want to get involved, here are some resources.

Meet your new Oscar hosts: Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes, and Amy Schumer are all slated to host this year’s Academy Awards ceremony, reports BBC. Kind of a head-scratching mix, but I guess it’ll be interesting?

What’s with you sick freaks? I know we’re all horny for Vincent Van Gogh’s thick-ass brushstrokes, but you gotta leave this guy’s legacy alone. A gallery in London had to issue an apology for selling “insensitive” ear-shaped erasers as Van Gogh souvenirs in their gift shop.

For your listening pleasure: Omar Apollo’s “Hey Boy” featuring Kali Uchis.

Jas Keimig is a former staff writer at The Stranger, where they covered visual art, film, stickers, and culture.