Seattle got its shit absolutely rocked by ice: This is old news by now, but the city was locked down on Friday thanks to a quarter inch of ice immobilizing the entire city. Some of the videos I saw were wild—people ice skating down neighborhood streets, other people crawling on their hands and knees, cars spinning out of control. Some Seattleites were determined to get to the airport, sliding down icy hills with their luggage in tow, only to discover that Sea-Tac was (and still is) a chaotic black hole of cancellations.  

But the next day: I woke up to balmy, rainy weather in the mid-40s, and low 50s. I stepped outside and saw only puddles of water where there had been a hard layer of ice. It was like nothing had happened at all, only a collective nightmare experienced by entire city. Seattle's funny like that. 

God, I'm so tired of talking about the weather: But I must! Meteorologists are warning of strong wind gusts of 30-40 mph hitting Seattle, potentially causing power outages.  The National Weather Service has issued a High Wind Warning (your band's next album title?) for much of western Washington lasting from 1 pm today through 1 am tomorrow. Avoid any treacherous-looking trees and stay away from windows if possible. And charge all your crap now!

Speaking of power outages: Over the course of Christmas Day, vandals attacked four substations in Pierce County, causing more than 14,000 customers to lose power and significantly damaging equipment, reports the Seattle Times. Officials said they do not have any suspects nor motivations for the break-ins, but the incident is in line with other attacks on energy grids in the region over the past several months. 

Another cruel, inhumane stunt from Gov. Greg Abbott: The Texas governor sent three buses of migrants to Vice President Kamala Harris's home in frigid Washington DC on Christmas Eve, reports CBS News. Abbott's office won't take responsibility for the stunt, but said the migrants signed official waivers before boarding as if that makes using humans as political pawns okay. Volunteers were waiting for the buses with blankets and were able to get the migrants to a local church for food and shelter.

See you in the next life, Keema: Woodland Park Zoo's oldest grizzly bear, Keema, was euthanized on Christmas Day after suffering a severe decline in his health, reports KOMO. The bear was 28-years-old—much older than the average lifespan of 21 years for male grizzlies living in human care. Rest in peace, buddy.

We should be able to use our debit cards to buy weed: According to Uncle Ike's informal tracker, cannabis dispensaries in Washington reported 100 armed robberies in 2022, the most since the plant was legalized a decade ago, reports the Seattle Times. That's mostly due to the fact that weed is still illegal at the federal level, forcing dispensaries to operate mostly on cash to avoid theoretical legal hang-ups with financial institutions. There had been some movement in the Senate to allow weed stores to legally access banks, but what we really need to do is make all drugs legal across the nation. 

Republican caught lying through his fucking teeth: Rep.-elect George Santos of New York fibbed about graduating from college and working for Citigroup and Goldman Sachs, reports CNN. Can you imagine lying about working for GOLDMAN SACHS? What loser behavior. Santos said in an interview with WABC that he's "not criminal. Not here, not abroad, in any jurisdiction in the world have I ever committed any crimes." Bro, who brought up lying abroad? Someone should definitely look into that.

I don't really care about football: But I find Russell Wilson totally biffing it as the Denver Broncos' new quarterback fascinating. Wilson led the Broncos to a shit-eating trough on Sunday, losing to the Los Angeles Rams with a 51-14 loss, reports the Seattle Times. Fine, whatever, but what the hell is Patrick Star doing commentating on a football game!?!??

And over in Michigan: Declining to give a life sentence, a judge sentenced Adam Fox of Delaware to 16 years in prison for his part in plotting to kidnap Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, reports NBC News. Back in August, Fox had been convicted of conspiracy to commit kidnaping and conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction for Whitmer's COVID-19 response.

My heart goes out to everyone trying to fly Southwest: The airline wins the "most unprepared" award for absolutely crumbling during all this combined winter storm-holiday season mayhem. According to Washington Post, Southwest canceled 70% of scheduled flights yesterday and 62% (over 2,500!) of today's flights, accounting for the majority of cancelled flights in the US and stranding customers across the country. Their delays and cancellations are so bad, the Department of Transportation is looking into it.

China is finally reopening its borders: Starting January 8, Chinese citizens can apply for international travel for the first time in three years, reports BBC. However, the country is facing a massive surge in COVID infections following the scrapping of their zero-COVID policy, leading countries like Japan to require a negative test for Chinese travelers.  

Remember Dan Price? Just a few months ago the once-lauded and performatively viral Gravity Payments CEO resigned from his position following assault and rape allegations and investigations. Seattle Times' Lauren Rosenblatt did a fascinating deep dive into the story, interviewing over two dozen former Gravity employees about Price and the company culture. Reheat your coffee and get into it.

I thought this went without saying: But, please, don't stick an unexploded World War I artillery shell up your ass.

For your listening pleasure: The Run, Lola, Run soundtrack had no reason to go this hard.