Weather forecast: Who would have guessed it? We have another sunny day ahead of us. My dear Seattle residents, today you can expect clear skies and temperatures in the mid to upper 70s, which makes it a beautiful day for pretty much every outdoor activity you can think of. Well, not the winter ones, but you know what I mean.

Take their money: A Tacoma attorney has filed seven lawsuits in the last three months representing workers at Getty Images, Expedia, and other companies. The workers claim their employers violated the City of Seattle's wage theft law when they failed to pay them for the expenses of working from home. According to GeekWire, the workers want reimbursement, interest, and more money for other damages. Good for them. 

You good? Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell glitched yesterday during Republican leadership’s weekly news conference. During his opening remarks to reporters, he suddenly went silent and froze for 19 seconds before his colleagues pulled him out of the spotlight. When McConnell eventually returned a few minutes later, reporters asked the 81-year-old senator about his health and if he was capable of doing his job. He said he was fine, and later a staff member said that the Senator felt light-headed for a moment. I don’t give a fuck about this man’s well-being, but 19 seconds of silence feels a little more worrisome than just a moment of faintness. Just saying!

Bye, bye Biden: Former President Donald Trump thinks the Republicans should try to impeach President Joe Biden. You know, spread the love. Earlier this week, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy floated the idea of an impeachment inquiry because the Republicans think there’s something fishy going on with his family’s finances. The other Republican presidential candidates, Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley, say McCarthy should go for it. Love to see the Republicans so unified. Very sweet stuff. 

Oh, and his adult son: This case will never fucking end. Yesterday, the President’s son, Hunter Biden, was supposed to plead guilty to two tax misdemeanors in order for the judge to let a federal firearm offense slide. The Republicans, famously pro-tax and anti-gun, thought this deal was waaaaay too nice, so they’ll be happy to hear it fell through because the judge thought it might violate the Constitution. Now, lil Biden is in limbo, according to CNN. Both sides have 30 days to file new legal briefs to argue whether or not the plea deal would be constitutional. After that, the judge could accept an argument and go forward with the deal or she could drag out the question of constitutionality in another hearing.

The aliens would like a word with you: In an absolutely jaw-dropping House Oversight Subcommittee, a former Air Force intelligence officer claimed that the feds operate a program that retrieves and reverse engineers UFOs, and they have been hiding it for a LOOOONG time. Moreover, he said the feds have recovered "non-human biologics" from a UFO crash site. The Pentagon says the guy is bullshitting, but if it's a secret program, of course they would say that. Who knows! [Eds note: He's probably bullshitting.] Either way, Congress continues to push for more transparency around UFOs, which I would like, too! For the highlights of the meeting, here's a TikTok lol: 

@averagejoegam3 Best moments from the UFO hearing today #fyp #ufo #ufohearing #usa #uap #aliens #uaptiktok #ufosighting #trending ♬ original sound - Average Joe

ACAB: That cop in Ohio who sicced a dog on an unarmed Black man earlier this month got fired. 

Defending myself: Some twat online thought I made up the following interaction with my beloved neighbor—as if people don’t use our voter guide, and as if that twat didn’t know exactly which voter guide I was talking about because he's obviously a mega-fan with a cardboard cut-out of me in his living room. Anyway, this is all to shout out our voter guide. My neighbor used it, so you should, too! Turn in your ballots by August 1 at 8 pm. 

Poor baby: A kitten went overboard yesterday near the Clinton Ferry Terminal on Whidbey Island. The ferry crew jumped on a rescue boat and retrieved the kitten, who was “clinging to one of his nine lives on an offshore piling,” the Seattle Times wrote. I’m glad he’s okay. I love him very much and he is a very good boy. 

I had this song stuck in my head and now its your problem: