Bezos bounces: So long, Jeff Bezos. The local evil overlord titan of industry announced Thursday via Instagram his departure from the Emerald City. Bezos is moving to Miami. He'll be closer to his parents and to his rockets at Blue Origin. A man needs to be close to his rockets. Bezos bought a Floridian waterfront mansion in August for $68 million and then bought the mansion next door in October for $79 million. I wonder if Bezos is worried about sea level rise at his new Miami properties?

FTX founder found guilty: A jury found Sam Bankman-Fried, former head of the cryptocurrency exchange FTX, guilty on seven charges, including securities fraud, wire fraud, and money laundering. The jury reached a verdict after five hours of deliberation. Bankman-Fried faces decades in prison. 

Runaway barge: On Thursday afternoon, a wayward barge drifted across Elliott Bay from Terminal 18 toward Pier 66. It was heading straight for the Great Wheel and the Seattle Aquarium (gasp!), and some of those buildings received evacuation orders, but then Capt. Dan Krehbiel, who was manning the King County Water Taxi, jumped into action. He drove the water taxi toward the container barge, using the taxi's bow to push the barge toward the less populated Pier 66. The barge collided with the pier. Then some tugboats arrived to set this thing right. Because of this, Water Taxi service was only delayed 15 minutes. Is Capt. Krehbiel Seattle's version of Sully Sullenberger? 

Man fatally wounded in U District: A 52-year-old man led police to his severely injured roommate, 52, at around 1:30 am. Police did not say how the man was injured or the nature of his injuries. The man later died. Seattle now has 64 homicides in 2023. This incident happened on the 5500 block of University Way Northeast. From the picture used in the article, it looks like this happened in the alley behind my old college house. 

Oh, hold on, we have a dispatch from Ashley. 

The best place for treatment: Former King County Jail guard Mosses Ramos appeared in federal court Thursday after a federal grand jury voted to indict him and five others for allegedly smuggling drugs into the jail earlier this year. The indictment says two people held at the jail paid Ramos, who'd worked at the jail for 17 years, $5,000 to bring in fentanyl and methamphetamine. The guard's internal affairs file shows the Department of Adult and Juvenile Detention (DAJD) fired him in September after he allowed one man to assault another inside the jail in May 2023, according to an internal investigation. And this is where the Mayor thinks people go to get off drugs!

Thanks, Ashley! Back to me. 

Have you voted yet? Election day is Nov 7. That's four days from now, and less than 13% of King County residents have filled out and returned their ballots. You gotta vote!

Florida Neo-Nazi thrown in jail for littering. Jon Minadeo II, the founder of the antisemitic hate group Goyim Defense League, drove around West Palm Beach in March tossing fliers filled with antisemitic literature out the window. He will be in prison for 30 days on littering charges. In response to Minadeo's actions, the Florida State Legislature introduced and passed a bill "which makes distributing hateful materials a felony."

And now the weather: Today will be boring. It will be gray. It will be chilly. Rain returns tonight.

Jobs slowdown: According to the Labor Department's monthly job report, employers added 150,000 jobs last month. While this number is lower than anticipated, according to the New York Times, it's not much different from job reports in the pre-pandemic era. 

Your clocks will turn back this weekend: It's fall back time, baby. The days will darken earlier. Maybe you will feel suffocated. Maybe you will feel cozy. Whatever. I'd tell you to remember to turn your clocks back on Sunday, but the machines mostly do that for us. Well, at least don't forget to turn your oven clock back. 

House passes Israel funding bill: The House voted 226 to 196 to provide $14.3 billion in aid to Israel in its ongoing war against Hamas. The bill, written by House Republicans, does not include any aid to Ukraine. It also would enact funding cuts to the Internal Revenue Service. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer called the legislation a “deeply flawed proposal” and said the Senate "will not take it up," according to CNN. According to the Congressional Budget Office, "the proposal to offset aid to Israel by cutting IRS funding would add to the deficit and result in roughly $26.8 billion in lost revenue over 10 years."

Speaking of Israel, what are those guys up to? Israel ground forces are currently tightening their encirclement of Gaza City after a week of bombing densely populous neighborhoods and refugee camps.

Blinken finds a little backbone: US Secretary of State Antony Blinken appealed to Israel Friday saying that "we need to do more to protect Palestinian civilians" and, absent that, there will be “no partners for peace.” He also advocated for substantially increasing humanitarian aid. 

Jewish Voice for Peace demo at the Federal Building: After Sen. Dick Durbin called for a ceasefire, a group of Jewish protestors and allies want to know why Sen. Patty Murray won't do the same. This morning, they've dropped a banner and linked arms across the entrance. Police and guards have not been kind. Follow Hannah for more:

QAnon Queen sets up camp in tiny Canadian town: Richmound, a town of about 130 people in Saskatchewan, is fighting back against Romana Didulo, a cult leader who has people convinced she's the true queen of Canada and a spiritual figure who regularly communes with aliens. Didulo and her followers took up residence in Richmound's abandoned school after two years of traveling the country in a convoy of motorhomes. Richmound residents would like her and her ilk to leave. More here.

This is too much: Look, I'm all for people enjoying things, but this Taylor Swift pandemonium needs to chill out. Swifties in Argentina have been camping out in front of the stadium to score front row seats to Swift's concerts on Nov 9, 10 and 11. Some of them have been waiting in line for five months. This is how it works: "fans have been occupying four tents outside the stadium, taking turns in carefully planned rotations. … An internal spreadsheet, created by two organizers and updated by assigned administrators, keeps track of around 60 folks per tent... Based on a ranking system gathering everybody’s total time, the longer you’ve been in a tent, the higher the chances of being one of the first in line." 

A song for your Friday: Best enjoyed when it's raining.