So, uh, slow news weekend, huh? Sigh. Just kidding.

An assassination attempt on former President Trump occurred at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday afternoon. A shooter on a rooftop 400 feet from the platform where Trump spoke took aim with an AR-style rifle (are we ready to ban these yet, Republicans?) and fired off multiple shots. One bullet grazed the upper part of Trump's ear as he turned his head away from the crowd. He went down. The Secret Service followed, collapsing in a dogpile on top of him. The Secret Service sniper team killed the shooter. Trump rose from his Secret Service huddle and, bloodied, pumped a fist into the air, an image which will certainly be cemented in history books if our country manages to survive long enough for those to be printed. 

Attendee killed: While the shots missed or grazed Trump (who, after a quick hospital check-up is said to be "fine," and who was golfing Sunday), a rally attendee wasn't so lucky. A bullet struck and killed firefighter Corey Comperatore, 50. Witnesses said Comperatore, a diehard Trump fan, dove on his family to protect them from the shots. 

A perplexing potpourri of political ideology: The shooter has been identified as 20-year-old Pennsylvanian Thomas Matthew Crooks. Crooks was a registered Republican. He also made a one-time donation of $15 to Progressive Turnout Project, a Democratic political action committee, on Joe Biden's inauguration day. Classmates described Crooks as a loner and having "an almost retro nerd vibe." Authorities are still investigating motive. Crooks does not appear to have any social media or to have any writings or manifestos. 

Trump says he'll change his RNC speech: The Republican National Convention is this week. Ahead of his speech slated for Thursday, Trump says he's redrafting it in the wake of the attempt on his life. He said his previous draft was going to be "a real humdinger" likely aimed at attacking Biden. Now, Trump says he'll speak about unity and bringing the country together. Look, I don't know how an assassination attempt can scramble brains or values, but I'll believe the change of tune when I hear it. Also, he's supposed to name his pick for vice president today. 

Biden speaks: In an address from the Oval Office on Sunday, Biden strongly condemned political violence, called for national unity, and warned that rhetoric was too heated. He said we needed to "cool it down." He said that we "can't go down this road." Joe, baby, we've been on this road.  Where were these bipartisan calls for peace when insurrectionists stormed the Capitol, when attackers broke into House speaker Nancy Pelosi's home and attacked her husband with a hammer, or when a group plotted to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer? 

Desperate times call for desperate measures: I double-dog dare Biden to just do these things now. 

In other news: Exercise legend Richard Simmons is dead at 76. Thanks for the abs, Richard. 

Also: "90210" actress Shannen Doherty, 53, died after battling breast cancer for years. 

If I only had a robot brain: A Jeff Bezos-funded company called Skild AI launched. They boasted $300 million in funding. Their goal? Building a “general-purpose brain” for a variety of robots. I've seen enough movies to know that I prefer my robots brainless. 

The weather: The heat continues. Seattle will stay in the 80s for the rest of the week. 

Fire engulfs Columbia City building: On Saturday morning, a blaze burnt up an under-construction apartment building on the block of 3300 block of Claremont Ave. S. The fire spread to nearby parked cars and a home next to the site. No one was injured. 

King County pays Black women less: A new report by King County's Black/African Women’s Affinity Group found that Black women working for the county experience "widespread disparities in pay and promotions... and regularly experience microaggressions and discrimination," according to the Seattle Times. One woman told the Seattle Times this report gave her a sense of relief since "the data correlates to my experience." 

A crafty grift: Police say thieves stole a man's black BMW from where it was parked at the SeaTac Airport. They drove his car to his Bellevue house and used his garage opener to break in. They then stole $100,000 and other valuables, including jewelry and a Yeti cooler. This is another reason why you should always take the light rail to the airport. 

Forget fire season: Wildfire season is still getting started, but in California fires have already burned "five times the average amount of land for this time of year." Crews have documented more than 3,500 wildfires so far, which have gobbled up almost 220,000 acres of land. The director of the department of forestry and fire protection said, “We are not just in a fire season, we are in a fire year."

ICYMI: A new "Play Date" column is out! This time, I got to know the Seattleites who are obsessed with studying medieval history. Meet the sweet geeks in the Society of Creative Anachronism. 

Trump's big week continues: As of Monday morning, a Florida judge has dismissed the classified documents case against Trump. Her reasoning was that the "appointment and funding of special counsel Jack Smith was illegal." Trump had attempted to dismiss this case—which many believed to be the strongest of the four cases against him—by citing violations of the appointments clause, which many saw as a fringe theory. Yet, Federal district judge Aileen Cannon, appointed by Trump in 2020, ruled that the special counsel appointment was unconstitutional. Whether or not this opinion holds, it will likely delay the case even further, if not indefinitely. This is guy is dodging all kinds of bullets this year. 

COPA America anarchy: Last night, Argentina faced Colombia in the final match of the COPA America tournament. Pandemonium broke out at Miami's Hard Rock Stadium as crowds mobbed the gates. People climbed walls. Others allegedly broke in through air vents. At one point, the crowd became so big, dense, and dangerous, the stadium simply opened all the doors and let people in without checking tickets or bags. Yikes! This delayed the game by an hour. Argentina ultimately won 1-0. 

In rare whale news: A spade-toothed whale washed up on a New Zealand beach. This is believed to be the rarest whale in the world. No one's ever seen it alive, no one knows how many of them exist, what they eat, or where they live. The intact beaked whale's body is a huge win. How fun to discover something new. See? The world is mostly awful and then sometimes there are breakthroughs in whale science. 

Something for your Monday: This week is already too long. Not that you should self-medicate with any substances, but in case you want to... why not try a kalimoxto? It's a Spanish invention combining equal parts red wine and Coca-Cola over ice. Call me crazy, uncultured, whatever—it's saccharinely delicious.Â