Layoffs at the 5th: The 5th Avenue Theatre Company is laying off 14 employees, cutting staff from 55 people to 41. The 5th is mired in the $7.5 million budget deficit it’s accumulated since the pandemic. Subscription rates haven’t recovered since COVID-era slowdowns. So, the theater is cutting jobs in “marketing, box office, education, and artistic departments,” according to the Seattle Times. If you care about live theater in Seattle, you better go see their production of Jesus Christ Superstar this May. Don’t be a Judas.
We’re Doing Slurs Now? During a House debate in Olympia over a bill that would “eliminate the Community Protection Program, a service for people with developmental disabilities who have a history of sexually aggressive behavior” Sen. Leonard Christian, R-Spokane Valley said this: “The folks that we’re responsible for, we’re putting rapists in with retarded people,” reports the Seattle Times. It’s not 2007 anymore, Leonard. He later defended his use of the r-word, saying it emphasized that the bill would be “feeding these people to the wolves.” He has not apologized.
School District Sued: Makena Simonsen, a special needs student in the Edmonds School District (ESD), graduated from Lynnwood High School with a 3.87 GPA and a first-grade reading level. Four years after getting her diploma, Simonsen’s family is suing ESD claiming it was “benevolent discrimination” to hand their daughter a diploma. Because if she hadn’t gotten one, she would’ve been eligible for a free vocational program in the district that helps special needs students make the transition to adult life. Simonsen had to pay more than $40,000 for a similar program at Bellevue College.
Big News for like 20 People: The walking, rolling, and biking advocacy group Seattle Neighborhood Greenways has rebranded to Seattle Streets Alliance. Just thought some of you might care, idk.
The Weather: Drizzly, rainy. What did you expect?
The Time: And say goodbye to an hour of sleep starting Sunday. Clocks skip forward this weekend.
Security. We’re On It: Donald Trump has removed Kristi Noem as Secretary of Homeland Security and replaced her with Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-Oklahoma). Her new role is “Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas,” head of a new security initiative. The purpose of this very real job will be announced tomorrow at an event in Florida.
It’s Tornado Season: Warm Gulf air is mixing with cold air from Canada. Millions of Americans from Iowa to Texas could be hit by strong tornados, the AP reports. Taking precautions could be the difference between life and death, experts say.
Water Is Wet: Donald Trump is in the Epstein files. The Pope is from Chicago. And the Florida International University college republicans are racist. Leaked WhatsApp group chats showed—surprise, surprise—the young conservatives are sending slurs, sexist and homophobic comments, and Nazi references back and forth. I can’t wait until they graduate into high-level roles at Palantir.
I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore: For some reason, I care about Shohei Ohtani hitting a grand slam in his first game with team Japan at the World Baseball Classic.
SHOHEI OHTANI GRAND SLAM
— MLB Daily News (@insidemlbnews.bsky.social) March 6, 2026 at 2:35 AM
Meanwhile, the Mariners Blew Chunks in Their Latest Spring Training Game: As Lookout Landing put it, Seattle’s favorite only baseball team “gave up three touchdowns and two field goals” to the Padres yesterday. Yep, they lost 27-6.
An Update from Job Land: It’s no good out there in Job Land. Employers axed 92,000 jobs in February and unemployment climbed to 4.4 percent. The unemployment rate isn’t bad, but the fact that it’s rising is worrisome. The report paints a bleak picture of stagnant job growth. Hang onto your job if you have one.
Congrats to everyone who voted for Trump and a Republican Congress “for the economy.” This is what you get, a sputtering job creation engine that can’t make progress like before and keeps rolling backwards.
www.bloomberg.com/news/article…
— Max Kennerly (@maxkennerly.bsky.social) March 6, 2026 at 7:20 AM
We are the Baddies: According to Reuters, US military investigators are pretty sure the US is responsible for the apparent strike on an Iranian girls school that killed 150 children. The investigation hasn’t been concluded yet.
War Continues: On Friday, Israel warplanes barraged Tehran and Beirut. Iran launched retaliatory strikes against Israel. President Trump made it clear he wants “complete surrender” from Iran. He made this statement in a Truth Social post.
Pass Gas: China is pressing Tehran to allow crude oil and Qatari gas safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz, Reuters reports. The war has all but shut the Straight, which makes China unhappy, because China gets 45 percent of its oil from the Straight. Meanwhile, crude oil prices are up 15 percent and US gas prices rose 11 percent in one week, hitting their highest point in the last year-and-a-half. Will this radicalize the normies?
Don’t Forget about the Real Threat to Humanity: While everyone is worried about the rise of fascism, global warfare, and AI, climate change is still chugging away and spelling our doom. Researchers found that we are heating the earth faster than ever before. The heating rate has almost doubled. From 1970 and 2015, global heating increased by a rate less than 0.2 celsius per decade. In this most recent decade, that number jumped to 0.35 celcius. Scientists say that’s the highest jump in warming since anyone started keeping track of temperature back in 1880. We are so boned.
Huge News: The Swiss Canton of Bern has chosen to keep the bear penis on its coat of arms after the government rejected a proposal to erase his junk. This bear will continue to hang dong as he has proudly for 600 years.
A Song for your Friday: I didn’t know what to pick, so I scrolled randomly in my library and stopped on this. Enjoy.
News editor Vivian McCall poured a bit of blood and sweat into this slog.
