I'm a trans guy currently comfortably exploring my sexuality. At a gathering of friends, who all know I'm trans and are mostly queer men themselves, in casual conversation a statement was made that all gay men like fucking ass. I'm not sure how I identify right now or in the future, but I paused at this because I might eventually identify as a gay man, and even if I had a dick I happen to have no interest in fucking an asshole. I voiced this aloud ("not all gay men like fucking ass") and a response from one was, "no, all gay men like ass" with a room full of laughs. While no one else in the room noticed my reaction to this at all, I felt forlorn that my opinion had been "corrected." I am perfectly interested in men without being interested in a single body part or act using that body part. What really bothered me is I think if I had been a cis gender gay guy and said that, the discussion might have ensued with more folks expressing their interests that weren't stereotypical. But because I'm trans my opinion felt lesser and was rejected, and I took it as a judgement that I was somehow not (possibly) gay by their standards, and hence an outsider even in this small queer group.
Or perhaps I'm just seeing it wrong? I still have trouble deciphering if I am hypersensitive. I try to go with the notion that if something feels off, it probably is. This feels off — or am I overreacting?
No Ass For Me, Thanks
Something can be off and you can overreact to it.
But you were right and they were wrong: not all gay men like to fuck ass and/or have their asses fucked, as a quick web search confirms. (I'm surprised no one at that gathering thought to pull out a phone and Google this shit.) And ass fucking isn’t even the most likely sex act to occur when gay men who do like to fuck ass fuck.
There's more out there—lots of studies have found that not all gay men fuck ass and/or have their asses fucked, not all gay men who fuck ass fuck ass every time they fuck (ass fuckers enjoy blowjobs, mutual masturbation, and humping ottomans too). So, yeah, empirically speaking, the gay dudes at that gathering were wrong when they insisted all gay men fuck ass and/or get their asses fucked. But a majority of gay men do fuck ass and/or get their asses fucked — in fact, a supermajority of gay men fuck ass and/or get their asses fucked. And people often "round up” in cases of supermajorities in order to make a point that feels broadly true (all gay men fuck ass, all Trump supporters are racist shits, all Walmart heirs are despicable welfare queens) or to make a joke (like the guy I met this weekend who loudly told me in a room full of guys from Minneapolis that all gay men in Minneapolis are bottoms — it wasn't true, but everyone laughed, because it's nearly true).
There were doubtless other men at that gathering who felt the same way about fucking ass that you do — no ass for them, thanks — but who laughed along with the others. It was, as you say, a missed opportunity to broaden the scope of discussion about gay male sexuality.
There’s no way of knowing whether your point would’ve been taken more seriously if you were cis gendered. It’s possible that the cis gay men in the room felt they were “schooling you,” and it’s possible they believed (in error) that they were being helpful by clueing you in. But it's possible the guys at that gathering were just joking around — not trying to be mean malicious or exclusionary, just trying (and perhaps failing) to be funny. It’s also possible they would’ve made the same joke if you had been cis — again, gay men like to joke around and take the piss out of each other (sometimes literally), so in a way their actions, while annoying, could be read as inclusionary rather than exclusionary. They were treating you like one of the guys. Which is what you are — not one of the gay guys, as that's TBD. But one of the guys regardless.
Also, too... you don't have to have a biodick to fuck ass.