My day started with this tweet...

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I responded...


And then I thought...

"Fuck, I should've left off 'I consider msyelf to be' and just said 'And I am the Queen of Bohemia' because people aren't going to get the reference with that 'I consider myself to be' at the front there." Then I remembered it wasn't Queen of Bohemia, but Queen of Romania. So I tweeted out an apology to Dorothy and corrected myself: "Shit, Romania, not Bohemia. Queen of Romania. Forgive me, Dorothy Parker!" And then I remembered that it wasn't Queen of Romania either.

Sigh:

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Romania. — Dorothy Parker, 1937

At this point it occurred to me that Melania rhymes with Romania—kindasorta—and then this started to happen in my head:

Old Grope's a deplorable basket of wrong,
I feel bad for poor old Melania,
But I won't make a joke about his orange schlong,
To spare you the terrible nausea. — Dan Savage, 2016

I shared it with a friend via text and she suggested an alternate ending with a better rhyme for Melania:

Old Grope's a deplorable basket of wrong,
I feel bad for poor old Melania,
But I won't make a joke about his orange schlong,
And just jizz cheeto sputum on all'a ya. — Jennifer Finney Boylan, 2016

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So! That was my morning. Now I'm heading into a conference room to watch porn for the rest of the day—the HUMP! jury is convening for HUMP! jury duty—which means I'm going to be off Slog for the rest of the day. So this is my sole contribution to the Internet today.

See you tomorrow!