I just wanted to thank you for all the times on your show and in the letters that you've advocated for the importance of bisexual people coming out. I'm a 36-year-old queer woman, previously out to friends and my brother, and I just came out to my parents this week as bisexual. They took it really well, and I feel a huge weight is off my shoulders. I admit that in the past, because I've never been in a serious relationship with a woman, I didn't see the point of rocking the boat with my family and coming out. You really helped change my mind, and I couldn't be happier. Thank you so much!

Bisexual Individual

Congrats on coming out to your parents, BI. One of the biggest drivers of bisexual invisibility—just one of them—is the number of bisexuals who aren't out to family and friends (and sometimes not even partners/spouses) because they've never been in a serious relationship with a same-sex partner and "didn't see the point of rocking the boat."

The point of rocking the boat, of course, is that determined boat rocking is the only way anything changes for sexual minorities—or anyone else. Added benefit: being closeted weighs on you and coming out, as you just experienced, can lift that weight. Another upside: you might find yourself in a same-sex relationship, BI. I have more than one bi friend who'd never been in a same-sex relationship until after coming out to friends and families about being bi. Turns out the convo they didn't need to have because they'd never been in a same-sex relationship was the reason they'd never been in one. Knowing they would have to come out if they entered into a same-sex relationship was acting as a subconscious disincentive when it came to dating same-sex partners (as opposed to hooking up with 'em, which they'd happily done for years). If you convince yourself that you don't need to do potentially difficult thing X unless Y should ever happen, you may find yourself dodging or sabotaging Y indefinitely and/or subconsciously.

Finally, BI, thank you for your thank you note. I couldn't help but thinking as I read it, "Hey, not bad work for someone who's constantly called biphobic." (That would be me.) And speaking of work: It's labor day, so I'm taking the rest of the day off. And speaking of rocking the boat, let's all do it in defense of DACA and DREAMers.

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