I'm a straight married guy who spends the vast majority of every year working on site overseas supervising a large scientific experiment my business partner and I set up. The location is extremely remote and my wife of five years prefers to live at our house in England. Like me, she is 36 and extremely attractive and I was always very suspicious about what she got up to in my absence. We do not have an open relationship and, until recently, I have been faithful to her. But four weeks ago my wife’s mother showed up unannounced at my work site and, over the course of two days, she told me in lurid detail about my wife’s infidelities. It included some pretty shocking behaviour, from group sex to gangbangs to escort work. I felt stunned and betrayed. My wife has lived a life of luxury thanks to my work and she chose to be the local slut in the community where we live. The stories my mother-in-law told me were confirmed by my business partner’s wife.

This is where the story gets complicated. My mother-in-law is 20 years my senior and one of the most beautiful women I have ever been around and I have always had a strong attraction to her as she has had for me. On the third night she was with me we spent the night in bed together and had the most amazing sex and we have been together ever since and we have both fallen completely in love with each other. I can’t imagine being without her now but I am obviously still married to her daughter. I am not totally naive and I know my mother-in-law used my wife's confession to break up my marriage but that is something I can easily forgive her for.

We want to go home together around Christmas and spend a few weeks in the UK as a couple. How do I tell my wife that this is the new reality?

Mother-In-Law Fucker

Allow me, dear readers: FAKE. Fake, fake, fake.

As for you, letter writer/problem maker upper, "the story" was plenty complicated before your bullshit second paragraph rolled around. Implausibly complicated. I mean, you're conducting a scientific experiment in a place that's "extremely remote" but not so remote your mother-in-law can't pop in unannounced with all the hot goss about your wife. What? And before spinning out a story with everything — cheating, gangbangs, group sex (not all group sex is gangbanging, but all gangbangs are group sex), sex work, intergenerational sex — you pause to assure us that all involved are "extremely attractive," a detail honest letter writers will include when it's relevant and dishonest letter writers include when they're spinning out a fantasy and/or bullshitting me. (A scientific experiment in extremely remote location, you say? Are you sure you've been sleeping with your mother-in-law and not THE THING?!?)

And the question you wrap things up with is pretty disappointing, MILF. I mean, why would you be worried about telling your wife — your cheating, gang-banging-in-your-absence, doing-escort-work-on-the-side wife — that you're leaving her? Even for her mother? If she existed, MILF, your wife would doubtless be upset by these shocking developments, of course, but not really that upset at the thought of losing you; your fictional wife doesn't give a holographic shit about you. You've gone out of your way to establish that. So why would you be worried about upsetting her? Would your chief concern really be the feelings of someone who betrayed you so spectacularly fictitiously?

Your "new reality," as you put describe your fake/whirlwind affair with your mother-in-law, is far likelier to cause you headaches by scandalizing friends, colleagues, family members, and neighbours — or it would scandalize your friends, colleagues, family members, and neighbours, MILF, if they existed, which they don't. People (who don't exist) will hear you've left your wife (who doesn't exist) for her mother-in-law (who you made up) and think ill of you and your (made up) mother-in-law. That's the risk here — you fake wife did you fictional wrong, but you're going to be seen as the villain after the news spreads throughout the UK. "How do I convince my friends, colleagues, family members, and neighbours that I am not the bad guy"? would've been a much better question to wrap up this bullshit question, MILF, not an expression of concern for your fake wife's feelings.

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