Credit: Vitalij Fleganov, CC 2.0
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Vitalij Fleganov, CC 2.0

Cryptocurrency is breaking into the mainstream: of the Seattle real estate market. A three-bedroom house in Tukwila was bought through bitcoin cash and other cryptocurrencies, most likely a first for the Seattle market. No one is positive if this is the first, for some reason, possibly because no one seems to actually understand cryptocurrency. Unless, of course, they’re Cary Kuo, the 23-year-old who invests all of his spare income into cryptocurrency. He was able to pay the entire down payment on the house just from profits he made since June while trading cryptocurrency. This was all Greek to everyone else involved in the deal, especially one of the brokers who apparently kept waking up at 2 a.m. in a cold, sweaty panic about the validity of the deal. It worked out and everyone got paid (in real money, too). Kuo plans to keep investing and buying new houses each year. This is just the tip of the iceberg for cryptocurrency real estate investments, apparently. Someone needs to tell all the middle-aged real estate folks to brush up on their cryptocurrency.

Now’s the time to break into any Intel (and rival, AMD) device’s mainframe: A security problem with Intel and AMD microchips could let hackers easily access personal data on computer systems. Microchips are the basic electronic systems behind many of our beloved devices, computers and smartphones included. The two issues have been dubbed “Meltdown” and “Spectre,” which makes me feel like I’m living in a real life Michael Crichton novel. Meltdown allows hackers access into the heart of computers, the central processing unit (CPU). For the ever-shrinking non-tech audience, that’s where all the computer’s memory is stored and sensitive information (read: passwords, search history, personal data, nudes probably, etc.) is vulnerable. Spectre is the glitch that impacts a wider range of devices — potentially most on the planet — and will be a much longer process to fix. Turns out Intel has known about the glitches for months and has been quietly trying to work on a fix. AMD refuted the claim. Uh, well, cat’s out of the bag now.

You’ve heard about the bomb, now get ready for: the “Bomb Cyclone.” That’s when a cyclone (rapid, fast moving, storm-type wind, you know?) has a significant, rapid drop in atmospheric pressure. Not understanding it still? Cool, me either. Since I’m neither qualified nor a plagiarizer check out this breakdown by Popular Science. What you’ve got to know is that the East Coast is battening down its hatches and bracing for some weather Jon Snow wouldn’t fuck with. Bone-chilling temperatures combined with hurricane force winds are going to batter the eastern seaboard. Boston is going to be colder than Mars. There’s even snow expected as far south as Tallahassee, Florida. Is this the apocalypse? Well, yesterday, I heard half of Jacksonville shut down in preparation for 40 degree weather. So, you decide.

Inclement weather becomes increasingly cosmic: as a rogue 19,000 pound Chinese space station is expected to fall to Earth sometime between January and March, a reassuringly vague timeline. Apparently the Chinese lost control of this space station nearly two years ago (yikes!) and have no idea exactly when, or where, it will fall. Maybe the possibility of tons of space debris raining down on Seattle will encourage people to break out their umbrellas from time to time. No, no, I know, that’s ludicrous.

We’re chilling in the Northwest, though: Chilling as in “relaxing,” not cold, that’s for the East, remember? Or, at least, anything east of the Pacific Ocean, then the Olympic Mountains, and then the Cascade Mountains. Put all that together and what do you get? A fucking dope line of defense against Mother Nature and her downright wily ways. According to Cliff Mass, weather expert (and anthropomorphic climate change skeptic, but now’s not the time for that), there’s an 80 degree difference in the low temperatures at the WA coast vs. the low temps in central Montana. That’s stark for a relatively short distance of just about 600 miles. Make sure to text your East coast friends and family pictures of the relatively balmy temperature readings here. They might not get them for a bit since (I’ve decided) it might as well be the Apocalypse over there.

I-5 is one big parking lot this morning: after a box truck carrying steel plates rolled over. There was a mile-long back up southbound north of Spokane Street, according to Washington State Patrol. More lanes will open soon but for now the morning commute can serve as a practice in empathy for Los Angeles commuters.

Parking outside of I-5 traffic issues could be getting harder: as a Seattle City Council committee proposes reducing parking city-wide to improve and incentivize the use of mass transit. Even though more and more people are taking transit into city centers, there are still an estimated 700,000 cars in the city on any given day. This is because transit infrastructure is still well-behind the increased demand. It’s inconvenient for many, except, maybe, for the source quoted in that KOMO article who references working in South Lake Union and living in Capitol Hill. Like, damn, learn to take a fucking bus. But, we’ll see how the number of car owners changes if parking is modified. As one comment about parking issues I read said, “Won’t someone think about the cars?” I’d like to think it was Tim Eyman, simultaneously shaking his first and cursing Sound Transit 3 and, with the other hand, dabbing his teary eyes with the corner of a car tab (which cost more than $30).

Parking changes are already being implemented in Ballard: with the proposal of a new apartment complex that won’t include on-site parking. This proposal falls under legislation created by Mayor Burgess in his brief stint as interim-mayor that creates areas of flexible parking, aka it no longer requires new developments to create parking minimums — these make new developments more expensive and are often underutilized. In certain areas with rapid transit nearby the parking minimum would be reduced by 50 percent. These minimums would increase off-street public parking. Great for some, but also indicative of the city not recognizing other modes of transit.

In case you’ve lost faith in democracy: continue the trend here:

Alaska Airline perpetuates male discrimination, continues to be Seattle’s favorite airline: Mike Timon was banned from Alaska Airlines after allegedly touching a female flight attendant on her backside. It was innocent, Timon claimed, an innocuous pat. But, he had been drinking, so how can we believe his version of events entirely? After the incident he was informed that he had been cut off from alcohol for the remainder of the flight. Timon was filled with a cocktail of self-important rage and entitlement that only a seasoned first class traveler can maintain, an impressive feat especially at altitude. Timon claimed he’d only had one drink, but how can we be so sure? The article as reported by KOMO News also doesn’t go into detail about what Timon was wearing, but whatever it was, he was probably asking to be targeted. Timon, flabbergasted, flustered, a victim of the female gaze, cried, “It’s unnecessary. It’s discrimination toward me,” as he was escorted off the flight by police officers. “What about us guys?” I don’t know, Mike, I guess the system is against you.

Don’t touch our weed, (and also, just generally, fuck off) Jeff: Attorney General Jeff Sessions abhors the Devil’s Lettuce, he’s compared it to heroin and attributes it to spikes in violence. He also probably thinks, as he clutches his crucifix close to his bosom, that it makes you (gasp) gay. Or is that Mike Pence’s position? Either way, Sessions wants to get his racist paws on legal states’ weed policies. He’ll “let U.S. attorneys across the country decide what kinds of federal resources to devote to marijuana enforcement based on what they see as priorities in their districts.” This comes on the heels of California reveling in legalization (welcome to the club, boys), opening recreational pot shops across the state, and creating what is believed to be “the world’s largest market for legal recreational marijuana.” Will the coming years see a Civil War fought over our God (read: Obama) given right to light up legally?

On Blabbermouth: Stranger staffers chat about the 2018 midterms, the movie Call Me By Your Name and sex parties in Silicon Valley. Don’t miss it.

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Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...