While the Log Lady's log in Twin Peaks did not judge, I do not think we can assume that all logs lack judgment. Certainly, there are nitpicky logs who have strong feelings on Scorpios, or logs who are hypercritical of men who wear flip-flops, or logs who are speciesist against Birch trees. But at the Lumber Yard Bar, a new lumber-themed gay bar open in White Center (yes, White Center), I felt I was surrounded by logs that were spiritual relatives of the Log Lady's log. The logs were welcoming and omnipresent. Logs wrapped around the cords of Edison bulbs ("the illumination of gentrifiers"), logs chained to walls, log benches, log stools, log pictures, log tools, logs-on-logs-on-logs.
The theme is laid on thick.
I ordered a plate of "wood pellets" (olives in a cheese breading served with marinara sauce) and considered going for the mashed potato bar (!!!) and smoked shingles (beef jerky, olives, and cheese). Truly, the bar serves enough meat to feed a flotilla. Not just man meat (the bar is filled with suspender-wearing dad bears), but also pig and chicken and cow meat. Pastrami sliders, brisket sliders, Cuban pork sliders, meat balls, smoked pork belly mac 'n cheese—it's a dizzying array of protein, all served in a room that smells like wood and sounds like Britney Spears. As one reviewer wrote on Facebook, "I love this place. I can get a beer, go down the street and suck some dick at Taboo, then rinse and repeat all night long!" It appears the spirit of old Capitol Hill never died—it just moved to White Center.