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My partner/husband and I have been together for 31 years and married for one year. About ten years ago my partner (at the time) was diagnosed with stage 3 colo/rectal cancer. After several surgeries, weeks of radiation and months of chemotherapy treatments he has been cancer free for almost ten years now. Unfortunately because of where his tumor was located and six weeks of radiation treatments in the area, his ability to get an erection has diminished.

I am someone who enjoys being rectally stimulated and aroused by having anal intercourse, which is no longer an option for us. It is still something that I explore with sex toys but it’s not the same as being penetrated by your partner. I wanted to reach out and see if you have any knowledge of men pegging men? I’ve done some online searching for pegging harnesses but they seem to mostly be geared for women’s bodies. I’m not sure my husband would enjoy using a hollow dildo and I wonder how comfortable they would be for the wearer. Just wondering if you are familiar with a harness that a solid dildo could be used but allow room for his own penis and testicles to be free and not confined.

Fitting Reliable Erection Easily

First, FREE, congrats on your recent marriage, your loving 31-one-year relationship, and your husband's recovery!

My knowledge of men pegging men is limited to certain videos I have stumbled across — while doing research — featuring men in chastity who've strapped on dildos in order to penetrate the guys who locked up their cocks. I've also seen videos of straight or bi men in chastity penetrating their female partners while wearing strap-on dildos. The theory, I believe, is that the dominant partner shouldn't have to go without penetrative sex just because their submissive male partner isn't allowed to get an erection at the moment. I couldn't tell you if the harnesses I've seen in these videos were custom-made or just regular ol' strap-on regalia — designed to be worn by women — but the strap-in dildos I've seen being worn by people with penises and testicles (not all of whom are men) do seem to ride higher.

I shared your question with Sid, one of the owners of Portland-based Switch Leather Co., which creates beautiful, custom-made harnesses. Here's what Sid had to say:

Many strap-on harnesses are designed to be worn by people who have “innies,” though there are a few that work great for people with “outies,” too! (I like to use non-biology and non-gendered language when discussing genitalia, so that everyone can be included in the conversation, regardless of what one likes to call their parts.) When I started Switch Leather Co, I felt the designs that are most commonly available from other companies didn’t accommodate enough different types of bodies, so I designed the Camryn harness. It is super sturdy and can be worn resting above an outie, while the lower straps go around your hanging bits (leaving them free to dangle, be played with, etc) and give your butt a little lift, like a jock strap would.

Most sex shops won't allow you to return a strap-on harness — for obvious and solid reasons — so you're not going to want to order just anything and hopes it works with your partner's "outie." You can have one made to measure, FREE, or if you're lucky enough to live in a city with a quality sex-positive feminist sex shop, call and ask if they allow customers to try on harnesses over their clothes (most do). The staff at a good sex shop — think Smitten Kitten, She-Bop the Shop, Babeland, Good Vibrations, Venus Envy, etc. — will help you find one that fits comfortably and works on the body of outie-haver like your husband.

Good luck and, again, congrats!

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