Thats me.
That's me. Keith Johnson

I'm about to be Zucked.

It all started with this notification:

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Uh Oh, I think I'm in trouble.

Last week, I changed my Facebook name from Chase Burns, my writing and legal name, to Uh Oh, the name I use as a drag performer, because my profile filled up with so many drag pics that it stopped being a profile for Chase Burns. Facebook isn't a fan of this. They prefer that all users post their legal name, as queer performers and trans people have learned again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

But, at least for a weekend, I had slipped past the Facebook censors. Until I got this message. (My notes are in bold brackets.)

We ask everyone on Facebook to use the name they go by in everyday life—what their friends call them. [Half of my friends call me Uh Oh. The other ones call me Chase or "that fucker."] You can keep your current name if it's the name you're known by. [It is.] Otherwise, we'll ask you to edit it.

Please review your name sometime in the next 7 days. After that, you won't be able to log back into Facebook until you update your name. [Seeing as I run The Stranger's Facebook page, this will be a problem.]

Is Uh Oh the name you use in everyday life? [YAS, but not all of us have one name, overlords.]

Please keep in mind that Facebook profiles are for personal, non-commercial use and represent individual people. If your profile represents an organization, business, brand or idea [sorta], please let us know and we can help you create a Page based on your profile.

Ah! There's the rub. That last sentence is what this is all about, friends. Facebook can't monetize my personal profile, but they can monetize a Page (via boosted posts and ads). Since changing my name from Chase Burns to Uh Oh, my personal profile has been flooded with requests—I've received over 1,000 friend requests in five days—requests that Facebook would prefer I targeted through sponsored advertisements.

The part that really gets my goat, though, is that this is coming from people who are dragging their feet on being transparent about political ads. (Pretty sure that transparency about political ads should trump the transparency of drag performer names.) ICYMI: Facebook's lack of transparency seems to be breaking a longstanding Seattle law that requires companies to disclose information about political ads they sell that target local elections. Just like in other forms of media, Facebook has to show who is paying to influence local elections. It's a unique law—there doesn't appear to be anything like it in the country—but as The Stranger's Eli Sanders discovered through his reporting, they're not complying. The thing is, they have to.

Why doesn't Facebook want to be transparent? Google has cooperated. Facebook hasn't. (When State Senator Guy Palumbo recently introduced a bill that would make it extra clear that Facebook has to disclose political ad data, Facebook sent a drone lobbyist who helped kill the bill.) While Facebook gave Russians the pass to imposter real Americans, Facebook bullies queer performers and trans people to pony up and show their legal names. These are the brilliant masters of the universe. You'd think they could figure out how to A) prevent Russians from imposter-ing Americans while B) being transparent about political ads and C) let trans people and performers do what they need to do. Right?

So, Facebook, I've got a proposition*: I'll be transparent about my name when you be transparent about the political advertising that happens on your platform. Show me yours and I'll show you mine. I'm only violating your Community Standards. To me, it looks like you're violating the fucking law.

*I mean, you're the overseeing tormenters so you can make us do whatever you want, but, like, come on! Give your lab rats a break!