The wonderful Alan Cumming is out there doing press for his new movie (After Louie) and his new CBS series (Instinct). And Cumming had this to say to gay journalist Michelangelo Signorile during a recent interview...

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Always outspoken, Cumming, discussing his character Sam in “After Louie,” who becomes involved with Braeden (Zachary Booth), a younger man who is in an open relationship, said the greatest thing queer people can teach heterosexual people about marriage is how to have sex outside of it. In “same-sex relationships, having the understanding that you’re probably going to have sex outside of that, on whatever level―from an open relationship to an ‘Oops, that happened, never mind’―I think that’s very, very, very common,” he said. “I think, actually, that’s the biggest thing queer people can teach straight people. Marriage equality will actually be a very positive thing for straight marriage, because hopefully people will learn that there are far worse ways to betray somebody than by having sex with someone else. And that you can discuss that and you can actually make it work in your relationship.”

Or as I've always said: We can demonstrate loyalty with more than just our genitals. Or as Esther Perel said to Terry Gross...

Relationships are complex and there are many ways that people let each other down—that people do not show up for each other, that people break their vows. In other words, betrayal comes in many forms and sometimes just because one has not cheated or slept with somebody else doesn't inherently give that person moral superiority. Sometimes a partner has been deeply absent, neglectful, indifferent, contemptuous, rejecting sexually for nine years in a row.

Or as Perel said in her Ted Talk that's been watched 9.5 million times...

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Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms. There are many ways that we betray our partner. With contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words: The victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage.

Monogamy is a choice, cheating sometimes happens, betrayal takes many forms, relationships that allow for outside sex—couples who defuse the bomb that destroys so many relationships—can be stronger and more durable... once upon a time, kids, you could only get away with saying things like this—you could only tell these truths—in a sex column tucked away at the back of an alt weekly with the escort ads. And when you could only say these things in sex columns tucked away with escort ads, you were likely to be dismissed as some sort of depraved sex maniac. I remember doing Fresh Air with Terry Gross fifteen or more years ago after I shared a few thoughts about monogamy there was this pause and then Terry said, "You can't be serious."

I was serious but I was lonely. I'm still serious but I don't feel so alone anymore.

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