So about these tweets...




Here's the beginning of my post about incel-identified involuntary celibates, male socialization, sex work, and violence:

Before I say anything else: I agree with Rachel Fagen. She wrote the above tweet in response to someone who asked why "incels" don't just go see sex workers. I have good friends who do sex work—women and men—and they're not human shields. Their lives are valuable and, like Fagen says, they're not here to soak up male rage. They deserve safe working conditions and they deserve our respect—not despite the work they do, but because of it.

And there was this:

I don't think throwing sex workers at violent, deranged incels will solve the violent, deranged incel problem. By the time a guy is incel-identified, it’s too late.

And this:

I don't want any sex workers I know—I don't want any sex workers at all—to be alone in a room with a man filled with rage because he believes he was unfairly denied access to women’s bodies. I also don’t want sex workers to be alone with men filled with rage about “having” to pay for sex if paying for sex is the only way they can get it.

And this:

De-stigmatizing sex work won't save us from incels or incels from themselves. (An incel attack is always a suicide mission; Sodini and Rodgers killed themselves, Minassian begged a cop to kill him.) But if we can manage to stop socializing men to believe they are entitled to women's bodies and stop stigmatizing and punishing sex workers and sex buyers—if we can stop telling men who "have to" pay for sex that they're losers or monsters or not real men and acknowledge that we're all paying for it somehow—male entitlement will be less likely to combine with sexual deprivation and explode.

Like I said, I have no sympathy for the self-identified, ranting, raving "incels" on online forums. I do, however, sympathize with the plight of people—men and women—who experience sexual and romantic deprivation and are miserable (but not hateful) as a result. Those of us in the advice racket offer lonely, inexperienced, and sexually deprived people support, pointers, and encouragement. But following the standard-issue advice doesn't always alleviate their misery. A culture that honored sex workers and consensual sex work and didn't shame people for purchasing sex? That could alleviate a lot of misery. And it would help prevent incels before they happen.

I don't know how someone could read what I actually wrote and conclude that I was arguing in favor of locking sex workers alone in rooms with incels. I suspect Denise Balkissoon didn't read my post but read a mischaracterization of it floating around on Twitter or Tumblr and that's how I became the stand-in for people out there who have argued in favor of locking sex workers in rooms with incels. Like I said in my post, by the time someone identifies as an "involuntarily celibate" and starts calling himself an "incel," it's too late. The work needs to be done upstream.

And if Balkissoon had taken the time to read what I actually wrote...


...she would've realized that we are in complete agreement.