It's Reader Advice Roundup day!
Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: Should this 23-year-old proposition their hot high school teacher and his hot wife? When should this letter-writer disclose her bonus vagina? Is this woman's husband too hot for them to open up their relationship? And a gay Trump voter wonders why no one will fuck him. (I don't wonder. I know.) And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.
Regarding sausage fests and clam bakes:
You wrote this, Dan:
And while we're on the subject of flipping gendered expressions: A number of years ago, I was asked to come up with a female version of "sausage fest." Sticking with the food theme, I proposed "clam bake." Still mystified as to why it didn't catch on.
My friends use Clam Bake, Rock Out With Your Cock Out, and Jam Out With Your Clam Out.
When I was at University of Oregon 2011-2014) the female version of a sausage party was a taco fest.
See if you can figure out just who's commenting on whose comment:
Wanted to comment on your comment to the commenter whose comment appeared in the comment column last Thursday. That commenter wrote:
No, Dan. It is never okay to cheat on your spouse. If you feel like you need to go outside the marriage, you TELL the person and let them choose if they want to leave or stay, given that information. It is never okay to help someone cheat on their partner. Come on, Dan.
You responded with a case where the morality appears more complicated.
Wanted to share my experience. Have been with my wife for nearly 30 years. Early in our marriage she once told me, “Even if you cheat on me, I will never leave you.” She did not mean she was ok with me cheating, she meant she took the til-death thing seriously. A few years later, I was struggling very hard with fidelity, and eventually decided to have an affair. It lasted a year or so until she found out. I ended it, and after a very difficult several months, our marriage recovered, and is going strong today.
Should I have just stayed faithful? Yes. But I failed at that.
Once I realized I was failing at fidelity, should I have told her? Tell her one night (in the midst of her working 100 hour weeks, with two small kids), “Honey, I can’t do monogamy anymore. I am going to go get another girlfriend. Until further notice, whenever you don’t know where I am, you should assume I am having sex with her. Or if you want we can make a schedule together so you will know for sure when this is happening.” Again, there was no question of her leaving the marriage over this. But there was also no question that knowledge of my infidelity would be extremely painful to her. And to tell her ahead of time I was going to do this to her would add a layer of cruelty and humiliation. The only thing on the plus side would seem to be that I could feel morally correct.
Who knows, maybe I am wrong. Maybe if I told her my plan, then I wouldn’t have gone through with it, and we could have worked things out without the affair happening. I spent so many hours trying to rationalize my behavior to myself. Usually unsuccessfully. But what’s perfectly clear to me is that the phrase “Just tell her ahead of time” does not resolve every moral ambiguity.
Regarding a call I took on the Lovecast from a listener who became intensely aroused in certain random, non-sexual situations (a call that prompted me to share my own experience with intense/random arousal in a certain non-sexual public conveyances):
Was listening to I think episode 600 when your were talking about getting a massive hard on in the back of NYC taxi cabs. The next day, I shit you not, this appeared on some property near my home here in North Dakota.
Looking at cabs never did anything for me. But I'm gonna want some time alone with that cab the next time I'm in North Dakota...
And, finally, a lot of responses for SWITCH, the lonely gay Trump voter whose question ran in yesterday's SLLOTD:
Do you know what will get you laid? NOTHING!!!! Eat shit you traitorous racist, sexist POS. I hope your penis shrivels up and falls off from disuse! May you die alone and unloved in the filthiest unregulated roach infested nursing home because the GOP defunded the Medicaid program that pays for it!
Years ago I dated a man for about a month when he "came out" as not just a member, but ON THE BOARD of Log Cabin Republicans.
We argued the rest of the evening (he believed Pat Buchanan would make a great POTUS), then I left and never returned his many calls or talked to him again. I wish I could take back every orgasm I gave him.
I shared my feelings about Log Cabin Republicans here. More for SWITCH:
As Dan pointed out why doesn't he just connect with other Gay Republicans? Problem solved. Are other Gay Republicans not attractive to him? As for being deceptive when connecting with people online... If they make it clear that they aren't looking to hookup with a person that voted for Trump, respect that. Keep scrolling OR consider the other person. Reflect on why they may feel the way they do. Learn. Grow.
Republicans are horrible people, and Gay Republicans are just looking for attention. Letter Writer dear: Just shut up and go to a bathhouse, or one of those bars in San Francisco where people will urinate on you if you ask them. But don't tell them about your ridiculous political fetish, as that might be too much, even for them.
There are not enough emojis, words, gifs etc. to express my love and respect for your response, Dan. I have been reading your stuff for a decade. When you respond with fire, you always bring it, but that was something special.
Well Dan, it's your fault for using a MAGA hat as a required prop for HUMP! in 2016!
I'm so sorry about that. Still.
After the woman with two vaginas, now we can introduce the man with two assholes, one by nature, one by a Savage ripping. 😜