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Today's SLLOTD is a little different: instead of answering a reader's question for me, a reader will be answering my question for him.

The first letter in this week's column is from a straight boy who was worried he might be taking advantage of his gay friend. Sam had been giving THROAT ("Totally Have Reservations Over Advantage Taking") norecip blowjobs for the last few weeks and THROAT was coming down with the norecip guilts...

My problem is I am starting to feel guilty and worry I am using Sam. He's a very good buddy, and I'm concerned this lopsided sexual arrangement might be bad for our friendship. Sam knows I am not into guys and I'm never going to reciprocate, and I feel like this is probably not really fair to him. But these are literally the only blowjobs I've received since I was a teenager. What should I do?

Talk to Sam, obviously. But THROAT was too shy to ask Sam himself so I interviewed Sam on his behalf and—surprise—in no way did Sam feel taken advantage of. In fact, there was something in these norecip blowjobs for Sam too, something that THROAT—being young and straight and drained—couldn't manage to figure out on his own...

"I suppose it is a 'lopsided sexual arrangement,'" said Sam. "But I don't mind. I really like sucking dick and I'm really enjoying sucking his dick. He has a really nice dick! And from my perspective, we're both having fun. And, yes, I've jacked off thinking about it after each time I sucked him. I know—now—that he thinks it is a bit unfair to me. But I don't feel that way at all."

While pity initially motivated Sam to offer to blow THROAT, sucking THROAT's dick wasn't an entirely altruistic act. Sam was getting off on it too, although Sam's gratification was delayed and self-inflicted.

Sam went on to say that he fully expected his (not actually) lopsided arrangement with THROAT to end when his friend found a new girlfriend. That statement led me to send a couple of followup questions to THROAT: Was he going to tell his future girlfriend(s) about Sam? And had THROAT considered the possibility of finding a girlfriend who didn’t object to her boyfriend getting blown by his gay best friend? (I get more letters from women who are worried their boyfriends might be gay than I do from women who wanna see their boyfriends get with another dude. But the former's numbers have fallen while the latter's have risen.)

THROAT responded....

I'm really glad you and Sam were able to talk. I think he is pretty thrilled to have been able to chat with the one-and-only Dan Savage!

I know he mentioned to me that we'd have to stop the blowjobs if I started dating a girl again. I guess we have both had that assumption. I would not want to be a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend with his gay friend. Although, if I was dating a girl who didn't object to my arrangement with Sam... well, that might be a different story. And I am going to miss these blowjobs when/if they stop. Sam is quite talented. I had actually heard that from a few guys he dated and hooked up with in the past—and now that I have firsthand knowledge I can say that it's definitely true. It's also been great for me after having gone so many years without anyone sucking my dick. Another reason I would miss our arrangement if it stopped? This has been a good bonding experience for us. Maybe that is weird to say, but we have been close friends for a long time—and this added another layer to our friendship.

Also, about whether I would tell my next girlfriend about this: that is actually something I've been thinking about. Maybe that question should be the subject of my next letter to you! I really don't know. I personally have no regrets about having Sam give me blowjobs and it's not something I would feel ashamed about later in life. But I don't know if it's something I would or should share with a future girlfriend. Actually, I don't know if Sam or I should tell anyone. Right now, it has been our secret and none of our other friends know. Actually, I think you are the only person other than us who knows! But I'll update you if I find a girl who doesn't mind my arrangement with Sam. Ha! — THROAT

And a quick followup note just arrived from Sam:

Thanks for your advice and for getting involved. This spurred THROAT and I to have some good conversations, which is healthy. And we are both still enjoying our arrangement! Thank you! — Sam


Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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