weather for today and every day in the future: hopelessness
weather for today and every day in the future: hopelessness LUKAS SCHULZE/GETTY IMAGES

One of our state reps really hates the press: Rep. Matt Shea from Spokane Valley referred to journalists as “those dirty, godless, hateful people” at a gun-rights rally this past weekend. That’s all well and good, I mean, when I describe myself to people I usually think of the words “dirty” and “godless.” The real linchpin here is that Shea is one of eight lawmakers on a task force investigating how lawmakers in the Washington State Legislature should keep and disclose public records. That task force was formed in response to a lawsuit against the Legislature by the Seattle Times and the Associated Press. Remember back in winter when our representatives were doing some real shady, no-good stuff?

Burien teen charged with manslaughter: Last Tuesday, a 16-year-old accidentally shot his 14-year-old friend. The boy was charged with first-degree manslaughter and second-degree unlawful possession of a firearm. The 16-year-old was cooperative with authorities and generally remorseful, but didn’t say how he got the gun.

Russian hackers are going after our beloved conservative think tanks: The catch? These new targets have all broken with Trump. They’re also actively seeking sanctions against Russia. Microsoft was the sleuth that sniffed out the hackers and seized the phony sites they had created to steal information from members of The Hudson Institute and The International Republican Institute. Microsoft also found websites imitating the U.S. Senate. Did Russia try to hack the fucking Senate?

The pinnacle of protest is at home in Vashon: The Trump Baby Blimp, notorious for greeting Donald Trump on his arrival in London, was manufactured by a U.K. company. A duplicate of the blimp is being housed in a shed on Vashon Island. That one was manufactured in Leavenworth, the capital of inflatables. What will be done with the nearly 20-foot blimp? That’s a big TBD (to be determined). A bunch of other Trump Baby Blimp copies have cropped up in various places across the United States.

Solitary confinement — it’s not for the kids! King County has determined that it’s not kosher to throw juvenile inmates in solitary. This ban comes on the heels of a lawsuit brought by four teenagers who were charged as adults. They were allegedly held in solitary confinement for long stretches of time in the Maleng Regional Justice Center, according to the Seattle Times. The four teenagers will receive a $240,000 settlement.

An update from this morning: What will it mean for today? I have no clue, do I look like Al Roker to you?

You knew this but this smoke is bad for pets, too: So don’t leave them outside. Easy. It’s just as easy for zookeepers at Woodland Park Zoo to take care of their animals. Those geriatric gorillas, Pete and Amanda, are safe. I’m happy to know that and to know that the two names chosen for these massive beasts were Pete and Amanda. Love that.

Man fished out of Lake Union after stealing a yacht: Or attempting to. The suspect started the yacht, ran into other yachts while he was attempting to turn the vessel around, and jumped into the lake when police arrived.

The EPA’s polluted new pollution policy: The rule, just like everything about the Trump presidency, is a shoddy, more-harmful replacement to an Obama-era practice. The Affordable Clean Energy rule is not exactly clean; it allows states to relax coal pollution rules for plants thirsting for an upgrade while seeking to employ minor on-site efficiency improvements, according to the New York Times. Within the EPA’s own report, it shows that both emissions and deaths will increase under these new rules. The number of premature deaths they predict? A measly 1,500 to 3,600 by 2030. Just to reiterate something that many conservatives seem to not understand: there is no such thing as clean coal.

Be your own biggest fan:

An update on that North Korea deal: Who’da thunk it?

Silent Sam comes down: The statue on the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill campus was erected to remember fallen Confederate soldiers. Protesters tore it down last night. There were around 250 people present.

WATER FOUND ON THE MOON: Well, technically it’s ice. And the ice is patchy and probably ancient. Still counts though. Drown me on the Moon.

Check out this crocodile prioritizing fun and safety: Pool noodles aren't just for water aerobics and fledgling swimmers.

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Kentucky fire department donates fire hoses to schools to prevent shooting deaths: The old fire hoses will be used as door locks. Putting a piece of fire hose over the automatic door closer at the top of the door makes it so the door cannot be opened. That will stop guns and senseless slaughter. I love all these innovative “prevent school shooting deaths” ideas but maybe… maybe we can just get better gun laws? Or maybe we should've been focusing on fire hoses as a solution all along. Rookie mistake.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: The first of three stand-up shows with "the only remaining lesbian in America," Ellen DeGeneres, a disco show with De Lux, Traps PS, and Strawberry Mountain, and a screening of Dennis Hopper's newly restored obscure Western, The Last Movie.

Celebrate 420 at Hashtag with 30% Off Storewide, 4/15-4/20 and Dance with SassyBlack & Ilana Glazer!
Place your online order early, then party on 4/20 with SassyBlack & Ilana Glazer, 4-5pm! RSVP here.