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A Seattle teachers’ strike: School teachers, librarians, other school staff members, lend me your ears; Seattle Public Schools teachers have decided it’s time for action. They’re joining the picket lines today in order to force their district’s hand. What do they want? Glad you asked. It’s not just about a pay raise—though that would be nice, I’m told—teachers also want healthcare for substitute teachers, “and more professional development for para-educators,” reports the Seattle Times. The union is authorized to strike and may impact the first day of school unless a deal is reached before Sept. 5.

Seattle is the third most expensive city in U.S.: That’s what Mike Rosenberg, Seattle Times reporter and real estate god said in his newest article. He also said that though Seattle’s housing market has cooled—prices are down and the number of homes for sale are up—the region is still ridiculously expensive. San Jose and San Francisco are the only two cities more expensive than Seattle.

Another day, another cat mutilation: Twelve cats have been brutally murdered. Thurston County is ground zero for this fiend who I will now be dubbing, somewhat grotesquely but you have no say in the matter, The Cat Carver. An animal cruelty investigation dream-team-slash-task-force has been assembled. It consists of detectives from each of the cities where cats have turned up dead. There’s a $30,000 reward to catch The Cat Carver.

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It’s going to be cooler today: High 60s and low 70s today. I'm vibrating with excitement just thinking about that temperate weather.


Rogue Lime scooter shows up in University Village: Their kind aren’t allowed here. The Seattle Department of Transportation hasn’t approved permitting for scooter-share. It seems like dockless scooter share has hit every other major city in the country except for us. Don’t you feel a little left out? This mysterious, contraband Lime-S appeared in the University Village shopping center yesterday. People stopped and stared, news agencies were tipped off. It was a whole affair. This was the Garden of Eden all over again. The forbidden fruit lay just within reach. Do you take a bite a $1-to-ride?

Seattle Storm leads 2-0 in WNBA semifinals: They won in overtime. It’s a best-of-five series and the Storm have two games up on the Phoenix Mercury.


Someone please claim this mine! The UFO (Unidentified Floating Object) was found bobbing around Bainbridge Island yesterday. It was old as shit. Just like the Lime-S, no one knows where the mine came from. While the whole thing was breaking online it seemed like there was some insistence that it belonged to someone. Unfortunately, no one came forward to claim their mine. The Navy exploded it.


I bet his student loans are insane:


Florida’s gubernatorial race just got interesting: Andrew Gillum, Tallahassee mayor and black progressive, was the Democrat pick. Rep. Ron DeSantis is the Republican choice and one of Trump’s most outspoken allies. Gillum defeated congresswoman Gwen Graham (coincidentally my grandma’s name but not my grandma) in a spectacular upset, reports the New York Times. The liberal wing of the Democratic party shone threw last night. Can they keep up the momentum for a win in November?

Yiiiiikes:


Over 150 arrested in Texas ICE raid: Immigration and Customs Enforcement targeted workers at a facility that makes trailers. Supposedly, ICE had gotten a tip that the company was employing undocumented immigrants. The way they spoke about these people at a press conference is chilling.

Police officer acquitted from killing unarmed black man is leading a survival class on her experience: Those, uh, who cannot do... teach, right? Well, the Oklahoma police woman got off with barely a slap on the wrist after she killed an unarmed black man. She decided to use her experience to teach other officers how to “survive officer-involved shootings.” Her class is actually called “Surviving the Aftermath of a Critical Incident” but it teaches officers how to cope in every way after they kill an innocent person. Protesters showed up outside the first day of class yesterday.

Headline of the week so far: Trump, without evidence, blames China for hacking Clinton emails

Wait, it's absolutely crucial that you see this video of Theresa May dancing: It's better if you listen with sound. Or not, depending on how much you want to cry from second-hand embarrassment.


Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A group reading with contributors to the aesthetically and mentally pleasing literary magazine American Chordata, a DJ night of Obscenely Obscure production music (featuring The Stranger's own Dave Segal, aka DJ Veins), and your last chance to see Bing Liu's youthful documentary Minding the Gap.

Now, what you're having for breakfast:

From Lissa: "Yogurt with strawberries and blueberries and a Belvita biscuit and life giving coffee"

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And Meredith: "I call it 'too lazy to roll the Tamagoyaki' Tamagoyaki eggs with rice, furikake and coffee."

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A side of Tim: "Pickled egg with olives and a minimalist Waldorf salad"

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With an order of whatever the shit this is from Harry: "Emergen-c, coffee, banana. All shaped like a canon."

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Everybody's a fuckin' comedian.

And a dash of Jim: "Today we have rice, peppered Spam, red bell pepper and onions, fried egg with muchi curry powder, swiss cheese, avocado."

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Jim, your breakfasts are so beautiful it's upsetting. I don't think you can be bested.